7 Things Your OBGYN Doesn’t Want You To Know

No one looks forward to going to the OBGYN, but it’s a part of life. While I myself have never been and will never go, that doesn’t mean there aren’t thing I know about them. I’ve heard enough horror stories and looked into the eyes of enough doctors to know what’s really going on. I don’t have any proof of this, but we don’t have any proof of the wind. That doesn’t mean it’s any less real.


1. One out of every three pap smears is performed by someone without a medical license.

You probably don’t even realize it, but 1/3 of all pap smears aren’t even performed by a doctor. These offices are so careless and leave white medical jackets hanging on coat racks. Anyone from janitors to other patients can put one on and walk right into your room and perform a pap smear. These sickos get off on it and it needs to stop.

2. Almost all OBGYNs make fun of your vagina when they leave the room.

Like most women I’m sensitive about the look, texture, and aroma of my vagina. That’s why I was shocked to learn that almost all OBGYNs mock their patient’s vaginas. My cousin overheard her doctor telling a nurse that “her pussy looks like Krang from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” I was sitting at dinner behind a group of men I assume were doctors and heard them call a female’s vagina a “vagunka” as they all laughed. This is beyond unprofessional, in my opinion.

3. 60% of OBGYNs can’t tell the difference between the feel of a vagina and a container of Gak.

When blindfolded and asked to tell the difference, the majority of doctors probably could not tell the difference. This should alarm us, not just as women, but as someone seeking medical assistance.

4. Nearly every OBGYN has forgotten a glove inside a patient during a routine exam.

The next time you’re in the bathroom peeing and a glove falls out, look at your calendar. I will almost guarantee you’ve gone to the OBGYN within the last 24 hours. These are the little things they don’t teach you in medical school, but should be practiced by every respectable doctor.

5. Most OBGYNs don’t even know what OBGYN stands for.

The next time you go for an exam, ask your doctor if he knows what those letters represent. 90% of them will just stare back at you with a blank look on their faces.

6. If an OBGYN doesn’t know what to call your condition, he will refer to it as “cooch rot.”

I understand that there are medical anomalies you can’t identify. However, just lumping everything you don’t understand into a blanket term is unacceptable. How does the medical community allow “professionals” to use a term like cooch rot on a regular basis? It’s truly disgraceful.

7. OBGYNs just want to check how dilated you are because they want to try to palm the baby’s head like a basketball.

I’ve never had a child but the idea of a doctor trying to palm my baby’s head while it’s still in the womb is beyond problematic. If your doctor does any of the following, be aware that he may be attempting to do this to your baby:

  • Wears basketball shorts
  • Plays Jock Jams during your appointment
  • Talks about a “triangle offense” as your birth strategy
  • He is Chris Paul

The bottom line is that this is your body and you should know everything about the person taking care of it. You don’t put up with this nonsense anywhere else, so why tolerate it from your doctor? No woman feel like her most private area looks like a melted package of Bubble Tape. It’s just not right. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Juliet Ford

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