So there you are, lying in doubt and self-pity. The one person you thought would always be there has proven you wrong. Even though it feels like the absolute end of your world, I am here to tell you that you indeed will survive this. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. Once you’ve worked through these 5 emotional steps, you will know you are on your way to being the strongest version of yourself yet.
How many times did you find yourself ignoring the red flags that popped up throughout the relationship? I am going to guess too many times to count. Denial is trying to force a square peg through a round hole. We use everything we have to make something work that really is not meant to. It’s like trying to force two puzzle pieces to fit when they aren’t made to. Nothing is wrong with
either piece other than the fact they don’t compliment the piece we try to force. We tell ourselves that this is our only shot and if we don’t fight for it, then we are letting the best thing to ever happen to us go. We tell ourselves that this relationship is healthy and strong and will work but deep down we know it is doomed.
Once you get through denial, you find yourself overwhelmed by sadness. You keep asking yourself how something that was so amazing has become something so poisonous to you. I don’t think the downfall of the relationship can really be pinpointed to a moment and nobody really has the answer as to why, but remember that it’s okay to be sad. Do what you have to do. Cry. It. Out. Crawl into your bed with a pint of Halo Top ice cream and watch season two of Grey’s Anatomy. You know the season I’m talking about. The one where McDreamy leaves Meredith to try and make things work with his wife. It’s the season where you get to see Meredith in her dark and twisty glory putting herself back together the best way she knows possible. It’s my favorite season to watch when I’m sad because it reminds me that it’s okay to give yourself time to feel the sadness and heal.
As you slowly start to pull out of the sadness phase of moving on, you find yourself getting angry. You become angry for “wasting” your time, angry for believing the lies that were told to your face and even angrier over the fact it took you so long to get to this point. The scary part about the anger phase is when you start to take it out on people who haven’t done anything to you. You find your attitude spills over into your other relationships and you need to remember that like you didn’t deserve your heart break, they don’t deserve your anger. So find an outlet. For me, it was kickboxing. My first day, the hot instructor dude asked me why I was there and I told him the truth. I merely explained that the next guy who breaks my heart is not getting away without at least a broken nose. He laughed at my sarcasm but the anger I had fueled some intense workouts and I found myself getting healthier.
I don’t believe that time necessarily heals but I know with enough time you find the things that used to hurt you don’t anymore. The thought of what could have been isn’t seen as a lost dream anymore. You start to really understand why it didn’t work out and you even become thankful in certain instances. Once the sadness and anger starts to dissolve, you accept that what you thought was meant for you really was not. You accept that the journey of self-discovery is hard and pushes you out of your comfort zone but is so rewarding.
Remember that time you honestly thought you weren’t going to survive? Well look at you, surviving and shit. Once the relief sets in, you become thankful for the lessons you learned. You are able to acknowledge what the relationship taught you and you no longer spend sleepless nights obsessing over the end. You start to feel like yourself again and the things that used to make you happy start brightening your day again. When you think about everything you have been through, you find a feelings of happiness and you are proud of whom you have become.