How You Will Realize You Are His Option, Not His Priority

dreams & pancakes
dreams & pancakes

At first think he’s such a nice guy for always considering his friends. He’s so kind for always inviting them to dinner, even when you assume it’s just going to be the two of you. Appreciate him for this because you want to be involved with his friends too…that is, until the table for three becomes the standard for all of your date nights. 

Feel fortunate that you have someone who you can count on to call you back. Except for that one night he was with her. Don’t worry, though. She’s his best friend and friends are allowed to get blacked out drunk together to the point where no one really knows what happened. This becomes a milestone in your relationship, marking the one time you’ve called him more than 20 times in an evening to make sure he’s okay. He never fails to call you back when with his guys, but for some reason in the entire duration of 8 months, this one night he can’t find even ONE minute to shoot you a text. The next day at 11 AM he Facebook messages you saying “whats up” acting as if nothing happened and claims he “didn’t hear his phone”.

Forgive him for this because people make mistakes, and believe that nothing suspicious happened because he says that he loves you. 

Believe him when he says he’ll stop being obnoxious with his friends while playing king’s cup at two AM on the nights he knows you work at four in the morning.

Notice that the behavior doesn’t change. Suddenly the comfort of “I’ll be in bed with you in like an hour” becomes another sweet nothing, and the only guarantee you have every night is that there will be an extra pillow for you to sleep on.

Find out he’s ditching you on his birthday and your birthday since they happen to fall on the same week. Feel your heart sink when he talks about how excited he is for the trip months ahead of time. Struggle to reconcile your selfish desires to be with him with your longing for him to be happy. Learn that he’s going with his best guy friend, and her across the country. Find out it was her idea, and feel your blood start to boil every time she likes his statuses on Facebook. 

Learn that you’re not invited. Choke down tears when you learn he didn’t even ask you if you wanted to come along. Try to tell yourself that you both need space, and what better way to go about that than to let him go across the country with a girl he used to have a crush on. Convince yourself that it’s really a test of trust, if anything. 

Try to force yourself to believe that you’re not a child anymore, and that birthdays aren’t a big deal anyway, even if the person you love would rather share them with another woman. 

Begin to liquidate the savings account you opened for the vacation you had been planning for that weekend. Erase the internet search history and countless Expedia and travel wire bookmarks with every plan you had in mind for the two of you. 

Block her on Facebook because you can’t stand the sight of any tagged photos of her and him together, even in group settings. Panic when you start to become irrationally jealous of any time he hangs out with her. Slap yourself in the face when you realize you’re the second choice. 

Start to feel your faith dwindling when you learn that words really can mean anything, and sometimes people say “love” when really they just mean “I like having you around”. Hear the repeated chorus of your friends telling you to stop being naive and wake the fuck up because no amount of sweet words can make up for someone that doesn’t see treat you like the apple of their eye.

Finally grow a backbone and tell him that you’re fed up with being on the back burner. Listen to him yell and blame you for being insecure. Hate the fact that you feel like you’re giving an ultimatum. Try to compromise by expressing your discomfort and saying that boundaries are necessary with opposite sex friendships.Feel selfish when he says he will “NEVER pick a girlfriend over his friends” and says that his behavior is not inappropriate. 


Realize that when he refuses to choose, it means he’s already made his decision, and it’s definitely not you.

Spend some time alone and start to recognize the truth for what it is. Change your birthday plans to include your sister, your best girlfriends, and book a vacation for yourself. Remind yourself every day that it is your responsibility to take care of yourself, and that it’s better to be your own first than someone else’s second. TC mark

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