On paper, dating seems great – here you are, mingling with all of these new people, going on dates, eating at great restaurants, and gaining experiences that don’t just help you grow as a person – but experiences that you will always remember. Along the way though, you eventually start to think – “Wouldn’t it be nice to settle down…” Just like that, as you begin to settle down with what seems like the perfect girl – something happens. At first, it seems petty – you brush it off – and convince yourself to muddle on. Later though, as the pressures of the relationship begin to build – you realize that tiny event, that barely got your attention a month ago, has become an all-consuming, nagging, nightmare – that you can’t stop thinking about. It’s at that point that you realize this tiny event, over a month ago at dinner – was your first encounter with a deal breaker. Here are 9 deal breakers when it comes to women that some men can easily identify with.
1. Can’t put the phone down. Maybe it didn’t happen on the first date. It very well may not have, since most people won’t truly reveal themselves to their partner until they’ve had some time to let their guard down. First you notice it in the car, and then you notice it at home, and in the movies, and well, you get the picture. Soon enough you’re receiving dismissive, “Oh, yeah, mmhmm’s” in exchange for a $50 dinner – while your significant other patrols Twitter, or Instagram for a selfie to like.
2. The male friend that is “just a friend.” Women are entitled to having male friends that aren’t potential sexual partners. Really, that’s fine. But, if you feel the need to broadcast publicly that, that’s all you are – and nothing more – well, that makes me a little more skeptical. If a person feels the need to verbally justify a friendship, then that says one of two things. It either means the friendship has caused angst with previous relationships the person has tried to maintain – or it means they’re trying to sell something they don’t fully believe in. Like a friendship that really amounts to nothing more than a bag full of sexual tension, and unacknowledged feelings. It’s a red flag, and a deal breaker. I know who my friends are, and you should too.
3. Has a preconceived notion about the future. Knowing what you want is great, and having goals is even better. Independence is spectacular. But, having a preconceived notion about what your future husband is going to be like, even if that person is nothing like the person you’re currently dating – is just mind numbing, on top of being a major deal breaker. At that point, they’re laying out the ultimatum. “You either become this, or we will not last.” And, truthfully, if you’re not in the relationship to eventually take it to the next step – what are you even doing in it to begin with?
4. Flirting with other guys. We’ve all been there, and dated one of those women. They’ll even do it right in front of you, and say “Oh, I was just being friendly!” Even worse, they’ll rationalize it with “Well, I’m going home with YOU, aren’t I?!” Yes, you’re just being friendly, and you came home with me – but guess who added you on Facebook, followed you on Twitter, and followed your Instagram account? Oh, and he just sent you 3 private messages on Facebook – telling you to get ahold of him sometime..? Yeah, deal – broken. In legitimate, adult, relationships – there is no place for that. Ever.
5. Is a cheater. Maybe you’re one of the guys that can deal with a girl that is constantly flirting with other guys. It’s possible, maybe you flirt with other girls – and you have a mutual understanding. I’ll never understand it – but that’s just me. But, what no guy can tolerate is a cheater. It’s insulting. Cheating is never OK. Never. So, just end it – if this issue is even at play.
6. Is stuck on something. This means being stuck on something serious. Maybe it’s a past relationship, or maybe it’s an event that really impacted them. Get help. Allow yourself to be helped. If you don’t want to be helped though, and you continue to dwell on it – don’t expect endless sympathy. There comes a point where dwelling actually hampers independence. How can you be independent as a person – when you’re still clinging to that boyfriend from 3 years ago, who left you on New Year’s Eve – for your “best friend.”
7. Complains about friends. They’re your friends, right? You chose them, correct? Well then, they’re probably a bigger reflection of yourself than they are just awful, annoying people that you so regularly like to complain about. Most guys will not only understand, but be able to relate pretty well actually – to his girlfriend who has occasional complaints or frustrations with her friends. We get frustrated, too. But, when it becomes the one thing that is constantly being discussed, or we’re constantly being informed of every tweet, and every move this friend makes that you hate – and you turn around and continue a friendship with her – well – that again says more about you, than it does them.
8. Drugs and alcohol. Drug and alcohol use – or abuse might not cause too many waves early in a relationship, especially if you’re younger. Younger adults will often give a pass for some time on this issue, and be more forgiving, but inevitably – if it’s not controlled, you can expect it to become a deal breaker.
9. Lying. Honesty is obviously important to a relationship. You can’t really expect to get a ton out of a relationship that has no trust, and the fastest way to derail trust is to lie, and get caught in repeated lies – no matter how small. Tell the truth, or watch the relationship crumble.