Some readers might take this a little sensitively.
Twenty-something’s need to man-up, and just admit to the entire world – that they just don’t want to date.
Every day the internet is getting lit up with pieces written by all sorts of twenty-something’s describing the woes of dating, how terribly challenging it is, and an alarming number shunning it all together “until I have my life figured out.”
Twenty-something’s act like traumatized divorcees who have experienced the absolute worst in human behavior, have completely broken trust, and lack any ability to feel. The reality is that you’ve barely experienced enough in your life to classify you as someone who even knows what those experiences even are. In fact, many of the “reasons” why dating/relationships are dubbed “impossible” by many twenty-something authors are the very reasons why both should work better than ever right at this very moment.
1. College: This one always seems to be spun negatively. You’re meeting people, you’re experiencing new things, and even possibly doing it in a place you’ve never been before. Why are you shutting yourself off to something that can genuinely impact the rest of your earthly life? I thought the point of college was to expand your horizons, not limit them.
2. Friends: Whether they’re college friends, high school friends, work friends, or just casual friends you met at a bar – if they’re impacting, or influencing what you want out of that portion of your life that greatly – then it’s time to re-evaluate. Friendly advice is great, but leave the decision making up to numero uno.
3. Social Media: This one always surprises me. If you’re afraid of what a potential boyfriend, or girlfriend might see on Facebook, or Twitter – just imagine what your future employers are going to see. You want a job, don’t you? Clean it up, for your entire life’s sake.
4. Freedom: A relationship is getting to know someone. Since when does getting to know someone hamper your freedom? What are you doing with your life that you suddenly feel so restricted, now that you’re getting to know another human being? You have friends, don’t you? You got to know them without constricting your freedom, right? If you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people, then that’s a personal problem – that has nothing to do with dating, or relationships. Deal with that. Don’t just shut yourself off.
5. Life Living: Again, dating is not a marriage. Why does one need to interfere with another? Separate the two. Understand that you can do two things at once, quite fine, and move on. Most people would contend anyway, that it’s much more fun sharing experiences with other people – than it is doing so alone. I mean, you do have friends after all – right?
6. The Past: Partially valid, but only true if you’re not dealing with the past. Ask anyone who has gone through something challenging. It takes time, and it requires change – but again – shutting off isn’t the outright answer to all of your problems. It would be like having a fear of getting into a car accident, and dealing with it by refusing to ever get in a car. Sure, it avoids the problem – but it also avoids growing as well.
7. No Job/Stability: Hello, this is that freedom we were talking about before. Getting to know people does not require a paid membership at 22. The dating website you’re going to join at 30 though, because you shut yourself off, requires a monthly membership fee, and valid credit card. Your youth, and more specifically – college years are filled with opportunities to meet new people at no greater cost than your financial aid, and student loans. They’re at least deferrable.
8. Time: If you’re twenty-something years old, and you’re trying to contend that you don’t have the time to meet people, regardless of where they are – then you’re doing something drastically wrong – or aren’t even trying. You don’t need to go to a special place, or have a special skill. People are everywhere, and so are the opportunities to meet them.
So, if you’re reading through this list – and realizing that you’ve said one, or all of these to your friends – and are either consciously, or subconsciously using these as reasons why you just can’t do a relationship, take a look around at the world around you.
Is it good for you now? Will it be good for you long-term? Will you be satisfied with the choices you made 5 years from now, when you’re closer to 30 than you are 20, and the people around you have started to realize what you’re not letting yourself?
There are a few truths to be taken from this list:
• Adulthood looks different than childhood.
• Your twenties go fast, and there’s not a lot of time to waste.
• Just because you don’t have time to waste, doesn’t mean you don’t have time at all. You have way more time, way more energy, and way more opportunity than you ever will again in your life to do these things. So do it, and love it.