1. Ice cream for dinner is 100% legitimate.
2. Whenever members of the Nobility (AKA people that live with air conditioning) enter your apartment, they exclaim, “Oh! It’s like an oven in here!” You just sit there in your throne of fire and declare, “Welcome to Hell,” as your very flesh melts from your bones.
3. On the hottest days, your entire to-do list consists of splaying out on the cool floor and waiting for winter.
4. You will use any excuse to visit friends and family. Or the grocery store. Or the bank. Basically any place that has air conditioning.
5. A summer night isn’t complete without the sounds of crickets chirping, tree branches swaying…. And the gentle buzz of an oscillating fan a foot away from your face.
6. You have a set schedule for opening and closing your windows. Sleep with windows wide open. Wake up, close everything to preserve the cool (ish) air left over from last night. As soon as your place feels something like Satan’s pajamas, open all the windows, and slowly melt to death.
7. You’ve mastered the art of stripping off all but the necessary garments within seconds of entering your apartment.
8. It’s physically impossible for you to go anywhere and not be a sweaty mess, because as soon as you step out of the shower, the heat wrings you out like a tired sponge.
9. You’ve completed many tasks while standing inside your refrigerator. It’s a matter of survival, and worth sacrificing the freshness of the contents of your fridge.
10. Damp towels are a way of life. You basically walk around your apartment looking like an athlete in training with a towel draped around your neck.
11. Whenever your FWAC (Friends With A/C) complain about anything, your immediate thought is, Oh yeah?? WELL AT LEAST YOU HAVE AIR CONDITIONING. Ohhh your cat died?? I’m so so sorry. That’s horrib—AT LEAST HE DIED IN A PARADISE WITH CENTRAL COOLING.
12. Whenever you walk into a store with AC, you stop, spread your arms, and bask in the heavenly breeze. Your friends all stare, because they don’t understand that this is the first time all day that you’ve experienced a temperature that wasn’t high enough to boil water.
13. You’ve walked into your apartment and then turned right around and left, because NOPE. You don’t feel like burning alive right now.