1. It’s not that you’re a bad dancer necessarily, you’re just overcome with a horrible anxiety every time someone drags you onto the dance floor and tells you to just have fuuuuuun!
2. When you go to weddings, you always scope out other people who refuse to dance, so you can all huddle together for protection, like penguins shielding themselves from Antarctic winds.
3. There’s always that one person at every party that thinks if they grab your hands and awkwardly move them to the beat that you’ll magically morph into Kevin Bacon from Footloose. But you don’t. That move has been successful 0 out of 1,000,000 times.
4. Your version of “dancing” at a concert is an enthusiastic head bob.
5. When your friends want to go out clubbing, you have two options: stay at home or go and be very, very drunk.
6. If you do decide to do a little jig, you make sure you’re at home, alone, with the blinds firmly closed.
7. Your hyper-aware of every song that plays during a party, just so you know when you excuse yourself to the bathroom as soon as “Uptown Funk” begins.
8. Your family has called you “heartless” because you wouldn’t dance with your 5-year-old niece, but she should have known better, tbh.
9. The biggest compromise you’ve made on this topic, is that you’ll sometimes do the hand motions to the Macarena, but there’s no way you’re shaking your tookus. Nope.
10. The second you arrive at any wedding reception, you immediately find a nice seat that’s an ample distance from the dance floor, and that’s where you stay. The end.
11. You’re sometimes overcome with the urge to just let loose and dance and then you laugh and wake up, because that kind of thing only happens in dreams.
12. You once fractured your ankle and had a legit excuse to not dance, and it was almost worth the pain of falling down your stairs.
13. As a result, you’ve faked an injury on multiple occasions.
14. Whenever you go out with friends, you’re the designated drink holder/watcher while everyone else boogies. Everyone asks if you want to take turns so you can have a go at the dance floor, and you over-eagerly exclaim, “NO I’M FINE REALLY. I LIKE IT OVER HERE WITH THE STOIC BEVERAGES, I PROMISE.”