1. Winter is the bane of your existence, and means that for the next six months you’re basically going to be a hermit, because there’s no way you’re venturing out into that Winter
Wonderland Hell On Earth unless you absolutely need to.
2. You purchase hot beverages all the time, but haven’t actually consumed one that was more than lukewarm, because the drink is more valuable to you as a hand warmer.
3. And then summer comes around and you’re overjoyed! Your days of freezing are over! That is… until you go into work and everyone else likes to keep the office at an unholy temperature that you’re sure is their way of forcing you to quit.
4. Which means you must keep a blanket at your desk at all times. Maybe two if it gets particularly hot outside, and the office decides to recreate Frozen.
5. You have a personal space heater at your desk, because even when the office deems it necessary to finally turn the heater on, it’s still not warm enough for you.
6. When you and your friends walk into a store on a hot summer day, everyone else is sighing in relief that “OMG this feels sooo much better than outside,” and you’re wondering why the gods hate you and how fast you can get back outside to the wonderfully comfortable 90 degree weather.
7. You’ve never hated anyone as much as you hate that person that always insists it’s too hot inside and opens a window as soon as it’s finally reached an acceptable temperature for you.
8. So you try to passive aggressively hint that the “breezes” they’re letting in are actually the winds of winter by very obviously putting your jacket back on, but they just make a comment like, “How are you cold? It’s 80 degrees in here!” You just glare at them, because they will never understand your pain.
9. Whenever you bake something in the oven, it doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of summer, as soon as the food is out of the oven, you’re standing over the open oven door making a tent with your shirt to soak in all of the lovely warmth.
10. You’ve mastered the art of layering as a matter of survival.
11. You’ve actually had to warm up your fingers to send a text, because otherwise your phone doesn’t sense any body heat and won’t respond to your fingercicles.
12. Your energy bill in the winter is usually substantially higher than everyone else’s, but you make up for that by never turning the air conditioning on in the summer.
13. The greatest gift anyone has ever given you was an electric blanket. God Bless that Angel.
14. You meticulously plan out any shopping you need to do in the freezer section, because you need to be as efficient as possible in there otherwise you’ll probably freeze to death somewhere in between the Eggo waffles and ice cream.
15. Getting out of your warm bed on a winter morning requires the same amount of discipline that the people who scale Mount Everest need to have.
16. Also, LOLOLOL there’s no way you’re getting anywhere close to Mount Everest.
17. Scalding hot showers hurt so good. It’s really the only time you feel anything resembling warmth. If by the end of your shower, you can still see your hands through all the steam, you’re not doing it right.
18. Beach Days always include multiple layer options because that swimsuit is only going to be enough for about three minutes, and then you’re going to be changing right back into your hoodie and sweats and scarf…
19. The best way to get back at your SO is to poke your ice cold toes at them in bed.