Every once in a while I will go on my Tinder and like every profile I see. Most of the time I will get the typical “Hey beautiful” but there are a few greetings that always stand out to me. Here are my sarcastic responses, if I had the guts to reply.
1. “Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up its tinder time!” — Nick, 23
Your rhyming reminds me of Mother Goose. I can get into that.
2. “How you doin? I hope you watch Friends lol” — Christian, 21
I hate that show.
3. “Is swiping right our first commitment to each other? Am I allowed to swipe right with other girls or is that cheating?” — Luis, 26
Swiping right means you are fully committed to me and only me. I will find any other Tinder slut you talk to and destroy her.
4. “What’s up Joey. What are u up to Sunday night?” — Patrick, 24
I think I will be sacrificing a baby lamb, you know.. Typical Sunday stuff.
5. “I’m looking for someone who would be interested in some sexual exploration, let me know if you would be up for a two men one woman threesome.” — Elijah, 22
Only if you agree to allowing chains and whips. And no kissing.
6. “Hey! What kind of music do you listen to?” — Derek, 19
Dubstep Christmas music. And bagpipes, if I’m feeling fancy.
7. “Why hello there gorgeous. So when did you decided to grace the human race with such a beautiful face?” — Adam, 22
July 23, 1993.
8. “Do you like ranch dressing?” — Tyler, 25
I love it when you talk dirty to me.
9. “Sup slut ;)” — Nick, 20
Oh ya know, slutty things.
10. “On a scale from 1 to 10 you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need” — Mitch, 19
Whoooosh, there goes my underwear flying across the room. Let’s bang.
11. “Daisies or roses?” — Taylor, 21
I think the question is, pizza or ice cream?
12. “Wanna trade pickup lines?? If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.” — Rafael, 23
Hey, wanna fuck off?
13. “Hey Joey, is that a baby kangaroo in your pocket or are just happy to talk to me?” — Shardul, 21
If by ‘baby kangaroo’ you mean penis, then yes.
14. “Hey so I’m just gunna be straight up with you… Would you be willing to partake In some casual sex?” — Ryan, 23
Only if I’m blackout drunk.
15. “I swear to god, I’m nine inches” — Ross, 20
What a coincidence, me too.