It wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago I decided to try some dating apps (I’ve been on there before to see what it was all about prior to this). Now, I knew that I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but I also knew I wasn’t looking for a “hook up.” So, I let that be known and put those words on my dating profile thinking at the time that it was better to be upfront and honest and also a short resume of myself… umm, I mean bio. There I was swiping left on any guy who had his shirt off in pictures, left on guys who had no bio, left on any profile that had all a group of guys and not knowing which one the profile was about, left on any guy who had pictures with him and a group of women, maybe finding a right until I had 5 mutual likes then turning my profile off of public to avoid any distractions to continue the easiness of swiping to only judge these guys on their 300 characters and handful of pictures. I was trying to be fair.
There I am trying to establish a conversation to only lead to couple of things. For most we exchanged a “how are you today and reply” to only go absolutely silent. I did manage to give one guy my number after 2 days of going back and forth to a couple of days later having what was at the time a horrific WTF nightmare while having a FaceTime chat that was quite comical to tell my friends about after I blocked him on the dating app and Snapchat.
I will be honest, I wasn’t putting too much effort in it. After the nightmare I deleted the dating apps. After knowing I put it out there that I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship nor a hook up, I can see where that could give a guy the wrong impression of what I was trying to seek, hell I didn’t even know what that meant. I guess like so many coming out of a long term relationship I was looking to fill a void.
Which brings me to this…
In today’s world it has become for so many of us easier to communicate and share our lives through the comfort of a screen. Social media sites are built nowadays to be secretive and hide things, giving instant gratification for seekers and receivers, ruining relationships one by one, making it easier to just erase the moments shared with the click of the delete, unfriend, and unfollow button or “ghosting,” apps to make yourself appear or to stand out from the crowd to hopefully have a match to only turn around and not even talk to that person but to keep searching for better options and so on and so on. It’s easy to not put forth the effort in someone you have never met before and who doesn’t truly know you. It’s also becoming easier for people to always be seeking for greener grass on the other side rather than watering what they do have. Then there are those of us filling a void.
I come from where any serious relationship I have ever had come from knowing them in school or meeting through mutual friends so, this whole new world of dating is completely foreign and downright scary to me. I come from what seems like a vanishing thing where going on a real date with someone and seeing if there is some kind of connection has turned into “wanna Netflix and chill?” Instead of talking on the phone for hours getting to know each other it has turned into a text or message, quick follow on this site or that site with a “like” here and there. I come from a place where being intimate with a person meant you cared for that person and anticipated more things to come with them to now it is a one night stand or a “hook up” here and there and a possible FWB (Friends with benefits) to having NSA (no strings attached.)
I come from a world where Love was the purest and most wonderful thing to give and receive. Don’t get me wrong sex is great (with the right person) but has Sex really replaced this? Meeting someone I was really interested in left me looking forward to see him again, excited to get a message from him during the day which made me smile, wanting to build and grow as friends and lovers. I see women starving for attention and will take it in any form even if that means hooking up with a guy she just met on a dating site the day before. I see both men and women being open for FWB and/ or one night stands with complete strangers. I see men and I have personally encountered with the nightmare how men disrespect women, only to catcall, make comments on their ass and tits, overstepping boundaries to test the waters and see how far they can get.
Where have morals and respect gone for others and ourselves? Have we stopped treating people like humans? What if that was your daughter or son, then how would you feel? Are we all just fresh meat now? Where has the mystery of truly getting to know someone gone? Has Sex really replaced Love? For those only looking for hook ups and FWBs, do they ask each other for a copy of their most recent STD test? Do people even get tested anymore?! Are we left where people would rather fall asleep next to their phone instead of a loving partner? What happened to the “wooing” part?
People have become disposable, and as a result, everyone’s always looking for the next bigger, better thing in an oversaturated market.
If that is the case then I am not sure I will ever be ready for the new world of dating.
So, the conclusion for me; what does “not wanting a serious relationship or hook-up” really mean?
Well, it means I am certainly not ready, not wanting to look or put myself out there and I am OK with that.