I Owe Myself An Apology For Thinking I Needed You

Guillaume Bolduc

I owe myself an apology for letting my guard down thinking and believing you were good for me when the whole universe has conspired into showing me that you weren’t. I could’ve listened to my instincts shouting at me. But instead of listening, I chose to shut all my guts down and be blinded by the thought of us.

I owe myself an apology for ignoring all the signs and the red flags; for letting myself fall harder and harder until I got stuck into an endless pit of pain, regret, and doubt.

I owe myself an apology for letting myself go through the roughest road I could’ve saved myself from in the first place. You have always been bad news since the beginning, and I got so blinded by the idea that maybe just loving you in spite of all the pain you caused me would make you realize that I was the one for you.

I owe myself an apology for being all ears on you yet all deaf on myself because the moment I listened to you was the same moment I stopped listening to myself. I lost my voice being with you, and that was the most pathetic thing I have done to myself because hell, I do have a voice. And I shouldn’t shut it down just because I was so into you.

I owe myself an apology for forgetting all my worth just to assure you yours. I knew better and I’ve always known my worth, but I let it slide because I fell in love with you. I tried so hard to be the best for you that I started throwing away what was best for me. I was so busy giving you all the love I could give while you were busy taking everything in only to take them all for granted.

You took me for granted. You made me feel so worthless and unlovable. You made me think I was so difficult to love. You hurt me, so bad. And I owe myself an apology for letting you do all these to me, because the truth is, I could have put myself first. I have always known how lovable I could be, and I let you change all the perspectives I had for myself.

And lastly, I owe myself an apology for thinking I was empty without you.

For thinking I could never live without you, or for even thinking that I would be nothing without you. Now that you’re gone, I got to learn an awful lot more about myself. I have proven that I could live without you, or without anyone to assure me that I got this because I have always gotten this. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

a happy-go-lucky ray of fuckin sunshine.

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