20 New Year’s Resolutions For 20-Somethings

  1. Before you status update, Tweet, Tumble or Instagram, pause and say to yourself, “is it entirely necessary that I share this morsel of thought with my entire social network?”and if the answer is not, “yes, I absolutely must,” then step away from the Internet.
  2. Know which candidate you’re going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, and know why.
  3. Enough with the 14-day juice cleanses. If you want to lose a little weight quickly, eat less and exercise like crazy. If you want to lose a lot of weight slowly, do whatever Jennifer Hudson did.
  4. If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop.
  5. Find a way to save approximately 300 dollars and spend it on a flight to see a friend or family member who lives far away.
  6. Please stop liking the Kardashians, all of them. It’s not helping anyone, least of all the Kardashians.
  7. Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month.
  8. Wear clothes that fit you, especially to work.
  9. Call someone on the phone at least once a week, and speak to him or her for at least ten minutes.
  10. Start preparing now to get over the fact that Facebook is probably going to change again in six months. You’re not going to deactivate your account. You don’t know how.
  11. Wait 30 seconds before you look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like.
  12. Replace one terrible reality show you’re currently watching with one wonderful scripted show currently available on television.  Swap suggestion: Real Housewives of Anywhere for HBO’s Enlightened.
  13. Try that food you think you don’t like but have never actually tried, unless it’s brussels sprouts. They really don’t need any more attention.
  14. Cut one person out of your life who you truly do not like and add one person who you truly do. Note: not on Facebook, on Earth.
  15. If you’re still blacking out regularly, you should stop.
  16. Volunteer once over the next 90 days.  You’ll feel really good about it, and probably end up volunteering again over the next 275.
  17.  Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text.
  18. Back up your entire online life onto an external hard drive, especially your photos.
  19. Crap or get off the pot. This applies to whatever thing you’re not doing that you should just sack up and do already.
  20.  And in the eternal words of Tom Haverford, “TREAT YO SELF!” TC mark
image – Jeff Golden


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  • Robbie

    Bit snotty this.

  • Anonymous

    nah, i’m cool, thanks

    • Jake

      too cool to make any type of commitment, even to yourself, YOU GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT KIMLW, DON’T YOU??????

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1690980049 Uchenna Anyiam

    I like number 14. Partly because I have already done just that. 

  • http://twitter.com/Picsanya Picsanya

    I really should do number 15 and 17.

  • Mererer

    Stop elling people what to wear, it’s rude.
    In fact most f these are rude.

    • Guest?

      T? O?

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    This. All of this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    I give this piece a resounding, “meh.”

  • http://twitter.com/Ms_Blaque_Asia Brandi

    I need to do number 19.

  • g.

    Don’t know why there’s so much hate in the comment section. It’s only the second day of the year too.

    Like this list — minus the comment about brussels sprouts (which is constantly misspelled). They are awesome and I will not stop giving them attention.

    • Anna

      I KNOW. Brussels sprouts are delicious. Roast’em, people!

    • ams

      Trader Joe’s sells them on a stalk! So fun!

  • Dylan V

    TREAT YO SELF has become my life philosophy and to see this on here just made my day. Thank you, TC.

  • Thalia

    this was pretty annoying. sorry i’m not sorry. 

    • Guest

      Oh shit, that’s another thing they forgot; saying stupid, made-up phrases like “Sorry I’m not sorry.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    My resolution is to give 20-something lashes to the next person who uses “20-somethings” in a title. Grrr.  

  • Beth

    This was great. Especially number 5, 11 and of course 20.

  • Beth

    Loved this. Especially 5, 11 and of course 20.

  • Sara

    20 made my life better. love it!

  • Anonymous

    bro i never used my brain in the olden days

  • Lilybluesf

    Really? If the person I’m hooking up with and I don’t want to date, we should stop hooking up? That makes sense. We will both drop out of school so we can focus on the relationship we don’t want to have. Or, just not have sex for the next four years. Thanks, Grandma!

  • http://topologicoceans.wordpress.com/ charlie

    uhhhhhh….. no dawg. 

    here’s some reasons why these are lame and some occasional suggestions for awesome resolutions (not that we all need to change, yo… I’m pretty awesome the way I am)1: see this xkcd comic http://xkcd.com/137/ . Instead: Develop strong cybersecurity habits, such as good password use and proxies. 2: oh ho! I’m going to vote in the next presidential election, am I? I’ve done that twice, and all I ever get to show for it is incumbents!Instead: Get involved in direct democracy on a local scale – support a local Occupation, or join a Food Not Bombs chapter. Why wait for politicians to solve our problems for us?4: what is this i dont even …. I am smooching with someone who I like a lot but don’t really want to be my “gurl frond”. I hope that’s okay with you! We are poly and very happy and don’t really want to enter into a state which is expected to lead to some sort of formal solidity like a marriage. Relationships need not be teleological!!!!111one
    Instead: When you are waiting for the bus, or in traffic, look at the people around you – look hard – and try to imagine what they look like to someone who is madly in love with them. 

    • Black Lotus500

      Agreed in regards to #4, monogamy and committed relationships just aren’t right for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with being cautious of commitment in your twenties, or at any age. Regardless of what antiquated “old maid” type messages may still be seeping their way into current media or even everyday conversation, you have your whole life to be in a formal long-term relationship with another person – enjoy your freedom while you still possess it.

  • Bsthnd27

    Brussels sprouts are actually really good people should try them.

  • http://www.lindsaylennox.com Lindsay Lennox

    The only problem with this list is that some of the resolutions might be too grown-up for 20-somethings (see some of the other comments). =)

    Anyway, numbers 4, 7 and 16 are especially excellent, thanks for reminding me.

    • Guest

      you’re a dumb cunt! :)

  • Henry

    #12..    most reality shows are quite scripted.

    • Anonymous

      All reality shows are scripted, but in TV terms, reality shows are referred to as “non-scripted.”

  • Munchimaid

    These are all really good! And the list makes 20 somethings seem so….grown up ha! I was reading the whole list like a serious, well adjusted young adult should do.  Consider these logical and do-able resolutions.  Then I developed an ulcer.  

  • Anonymous

    I thought that this was going to be another obnoxious list, and then I found myself reading each number and nodding my head.  And then I got to the last one and just fucking beamed (but you’ve gotta give Donna some credit there too).

  • Teach28

    I’m going to guess that most of the negative comments here are from those under the age of 25. If you’re still in college, or being supported by your parents, you’re not really an adult, and these prob don’t make sense to you. The rest of us 20-somethings are nodding in agreement.

    Liked the list, and wish more people thought this way!

    • Marta

      I agree that the suggestions are good ones – I think all of us twenty somethings at some point or other have strived to be better friends, to remove ourselves from our addicting electronics, to stay up – to -date on politics… the list goes on. But I’m not  a fan of the way this list is presented. It’s insulting its audience rather than encouraging it. I’m a twenty something, and I use my brain quite regularly, not because I’m a fan of the “olden days”, but because I’m human.  My generation is not a bunch of brainless robots.  

      This is not to say we shouldn’t have resolutions – let’s just not generalize and insult along the way…

    • http://www.suburbansweetheart.com/ Suburban Sweetheart

      Wrong. Seems the list has actually angered those of us who AREN’T as childish & dependent as this list assumes all 20somethings are. Like @Lilybluesf above me, I’m 27, financially independent, & paying my own way on, well, my whole life. This piece is so condescending I could hardly bear to finish it.

  • Lilybluesf

    @teach28. Maybe. But for the record, I work a FT job and I am financially independent (including paying my own way through grad school) and I found the piece insulting and condescending. But I guess you like that sort of thing.

    • http://twitter.com/ihatejoelkim Joel Kim Booster

      Agreed. I found about 90% of it pretty insulting as well. 

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