35 People On Whether It’s Ever A Good Idea To Be Friends With Your Ex

We asked, and you guys answered! Below are the best responses to whether it’s wise or dangerous to stay friends with an ex.

35 People On Whether It’s Ever A Good Idea To Be Friends With Your Ex
Charlie Foster

1. “Let me guess—the person who initiates the breakup is the one who wants the friendship. Most of the time it’s because that person wants to keep you as 2nd-best option for the future. #uglytruth”

2. “According to the third new rule of Dua Lipa: one should not be his friend, especially if he’s your ex, because you know you’ll be waking up in his bed in the morning.”

3. “Not because the breakup isn’t okay but because for some, not being friends with your ex is also a sign that you’re all okay with everything and it’s also a sign of respect for your future partner so he/she will not over think about your past. Let’s be clear about this: Acquaintance is okay but being friends with them is No. Not a good one.”

4. “Friendship is about trust level. Exes are those people who failed in your expectations when you gave them your trust….I have a different way of treating friends compared to somebody I just met.”

5. “If two people could stay friends after breaking up, it’s either they still love each other or they never loved each other at all to begin with. I can’t be friends with mine, TBH. I’ve forgiven him and I’d like to think that we’re casually OK now and we both have moved on, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget what happened between us…and thinking about those things brings back memories I’d rather not remember.”

6. “My ex and I have been separated for 5 years. We have a 9-year-old son. We are amicable and spend special occasions with the family. We have joint custody and have never been to court. I believe that in my circumstances, not everyone’s, we are friends. We help each other out when times are tough in our lives. Our son knows that we care for each other but that’s it. I always feel lucky to have this sort of relationship with my ex.”

7. “No. I mean, you can still talk to your ex in a nice way, but as friends? Come on. There’s millions of people out there…of all the people, why with your ex?”

8. “NO. Not just because its awkward nor you hold grudges on him. Just to be fair with yourself and your future partner. You can never really be friends with your ex. There will always be a motive if you did. Duh. Hahahah.”

9. “There are times that you realize in a relationship that you should never have moved beyond friendship. I believe if both people are mature enough, a friendship is entirely possible beyond a relationship. This is not hanging on ‘in case.’ This is not about an inability to let go. This is simply about realizing you are better friends than lovers.”

10. “Yes, eventually but not right after the breakup. Both of you need to heal first. Personally, I don’t have an issue staying friends with an ex coz if I do, then maybe I haven’t moved on yet.”

11. “It depends. I’m pretty chill with most my exes. Expect for the crazy, idiotic, nutjob asshole that I would throw peanuts at if he was drowning at that moment.”

12. “Depends how you guys began and ended. But generally you shouldn’t. I have an ex who was a friend before we got together. We broke up and got back and broke up again. Now we’re still really good friends. If you didn’t start out as friends it’s gonna be more difficult. Also if he/she says ‘let’s be friends,’ RUN. It should come naturally, not something you awkwardly say to try to not be awkward.”

13. “It depends on the situation and the people. Everyone grows at a different pace and oftentimes relationships don’t work out because people are at different stages in their lives individually (some are aware, whereas some are not). One of my exes is a really good friend of mine. We dated 10 years ago and didn’t talk for about two years after. We had a lot of mutual friends in common and we had started out as really good friends. One day we decided to forgive each other and acknowledged that we just weren’t right for each other and that was okay. We’re still friends to this day. But an important thing to note is that we value our friendship genuinely and respect each other’s boundaries as well as each other’s significant others. Most of my exes I’d never be friends with and that’s because they don’t respect boundaries or know how to identify/define others as individuals, which is important in any friendship.”

14. “Hell, no. I personally want to be wildly successful, while they watch me from some filthy gutter, along some old cobblestone street, with carriages splashing puddle water all over them and shit.”

15. “After years of trying this out, no. I wish them well. After a certain amount of time has passed and you’re over the loss of relationship, it’s important to keep distance. Being cordial is great! Friends? No. So, no texting to ‘just check on me’…not at all. Eventually we should both be in new relationships where we check on our current partners—not exes. Besides, are our exes really ever truly happy for us when we move on? I highly doubt it. Most exes only keep in touch hoping that we’re miserable without them. Remember why you broke up and keep a healthy distance.”

16. “I guess it all depends on how it’s ended and how the relationship was, but normally I just cut the thread. Usually comes with more problems if you start dating someone else.”

17. “It depends if the breakup was mutual I think it is possible. If it wasn’t, I don’t really think so. I’ve been there, I tried, but really if your love for the person was real and it wasn’t for her/him I don’t think so you could just stand being a friend to him/her because eventually you’ll keep hoping for a second chance which is a big no-no. I think you could say hi/hello but not keep in touch with that person you once love because it will just destroy your future/current relationship with someone who truly deserves your love.”

18. “If we’re friends, you didn’t mean that much to me. (Hope none of those guys see this lol). If I can never look at you again, then there was once love and passion now replaced with hurt and sadness in my case.”

19. “It depends on how you end things and how long was your relationship. For me, cutting all my connection is the way to go. It helps you move on fast. Being friends with him is difficult. It’s like you have a lot of things to control. It won’t help the both of you to move forward.”

20. “Yes. I realized, it’s not just about how he broke my heart. It is about the happy and unforgettable memories we shared together and I feel loved at least for a while. No regrets, just love.”

21. “I’m friends with all my exes. I don’t see the issue with it. We are all in relationships and some are married. But we are better as friends than in relationships. We have grown up and we understand that’s how life is. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

22. “No. There’s no reason to remain connected. Leave the past, move on to the future. Hanging on to former lovers will forever stand in the way of fully giving yourself to a new relationship in the future.”

23. “No, no, no. Red flag in my opinion. If there are children involved then being civil would help co-parenting…& talking might happen more often, unless the kids are grown. But chit-chatting regularly, seeing each other and gift-giving is definitely not okay. It will almost always cause issues in the next relationship, too. That sort of situation will always ends up a becoming a deal-breaker for the next partner as well. Move on already.”

24. “If it’s mutual, then it’s fine. But it will never be the same. You will never see that person in the same light as you did when you were just friends. So most of the time it doesn’t really work that well.”

25. “Depends on how the relationship ended. If lies, mistrust, cheating, or deceit were involved, then no. If these traits are a part of your character, these same traits will be a part of your ‘friendship.’ Who wants or needs a friend like that?”

26. “YES, YES, and yes! Not in every situation, but if the relationship you had was based on friendship, if it was ‘clean’ in the sense you were honest with each other and the breakup was clear—you know why you broke up and neither one of you wants to get together in that way. and you can’t imagine your life without that person. Me and my ex were together for two and a half years, and inseparable friends for two years now. No one gets it except us, though.”

27. “After a long period of time, if the relationship genuinely ran its course and people were respectful, you can have a friendship. It does mean transparency with current partners and maintaining respectable distance, though.”

28. “Hell no. it never works and there is always bitterness or jealousy. When you have a new partner that person won’t like that you’re friends with your ex and it’s disrespectful. Only time I have is when a long time has gone by & I definitely haven’t been best buds with them.”

29. “Friendship after breakup is a complete fantasy. If you want to stay ‘friends’ with your ex, it’s simply because you don’t want to lose that person; however, in the end it’ll bring even more pain.”

30. “It’s not literally being friends, it was like being civil and you respect each other that even you had a failed relationship.  So if someone asked you if you’re friends with your ex, tell them this ‘No, he’s just someone I used to know. Done!”

31. “Absolutely not, cordial and polite but not friends. If you can be friends—there is something emotionally missing. Maybe in 10 years lol. And really…once someone sees you naked?????”

32. “Depends on the situation. If you mutually ended your relationship and gave space to move on and grow, it’s a yes for me, but like most cases of breakups…it’s a BIG NO…hahahaha.”

33. “If you share children, then yes. If not, there isn’t any good reason to remain friends. In my experience, it just causes more problems in the next relationship. There is a reason they are an ex, keep it that way. It isn’t fair to the next significant other, and there is always an ulterior motive for one of the parties involved.”

34. “I do stay friends. Not with each, but with the ones that were good to me and still are. With the ones that are grown men and act like it. With the ones that can move on, just like I did without thinking, expecting, or hoping that door will one day get propped open. The reason, for me, is that the friendship was most important, it was first, and regardless of the reason why it may have not worked out, I want them to be happy and they want the same for me. That person had my love, and they still do; just a different type. Now, the ones that talk ill about their exes to me probably do the same with me, likely the reason why it ended, too. Or the one that can’t move on but has a live-in girlfriend and still tells you he loves you…no, thank you. Go waste someone else’s time.”

35. “If it’s a newly ended relationship, no. Time will heal all wounds, as they say. If it started as friends, yes that’s fine, but only when both are fully healed and already moved on.  The possibility of being in love again to the same person who hurt you after the failed relationship is there, so it’s better to let each other fixed their broken heart and be the person they need to be before they talk and be eventually friends again.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Jessica Winters

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