Thought Catalog

17 People Explain Why They Choose To Stay Single

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Josh Adamski

1. Being single means I don’t have to explain what I buy or how I spend my time.

“I want control over my own life and money. Being single means I don’t have to explain what I buy or how I spend my time.”

YogaGer


2. I wouldn’t want anyone around me all the time.

“People as individuals are wonderful in small doses, but I wouldn’t want anyone around me all the time.”

Willa


3. Because it’s a stress-free life and no drama.

“Because it’s a stress-free life and no drama.

Every time I hear about family issues I cringe and think yep I’m definitely never going to be in a relationship. All these cheating partners/spouses and single mothers and all those other problems confirm my unwillingness to ever be in a relationship. Stay single, live a stress-free and drama-free life.”

Marina


4. I love waking up on my days off when I want to wake up and going to bed when I want to go to bed.

I FEEL HAPPIER BEING SINGLE.
Not everyone desires to have a serious relationship – in fact, some people actually feel more comforted and fulfilled by being single. Relationships don’t always equate to happiness, anyway, and that is evidenced by the high divorce rate nowadays. Single people might see relationships as overrated, and don’t want to put in the work required only to have things end later on down the road. Single people can cultivate a relationship with themselves on a deeper level, and for some, that’s all they need to be ha.

In a relationship, you can certainly work on yourself, but you have more of an opportunity to do so when you’re single. Self-development allows you to build character and strengthen your weaknesses, which actually can make you a better partner down the road, should you choose to get into another relationship. Even if you don’t desire a significant other in your life, bettering yourself is never a negative thing. Without having someone to answer to, you can take that extra time to work on your fitness, on a business idea, or on your meditation/yoga practice. You get to choose how you spend your time, which is a major reason why some people choose to stay single.

I WANT TO DEDICATE TIME TO MY FUTURE.
These are uncertain times, and with an unstable global economy, many millennials want to secure their place in the world both financially and career-wise. Many people choose to stay single in order to go back to school, finish their degree, start an internship, or devote more time to their career. After all, it takes money to survive in this world, and since we have to spend the majority of our lives earning it, choosing a career we feel passionate about is of utmost importance.

Doing What You Want When You Want

This is a big one for me. I love making my own schedule. I love waking up on my days off when I want to wake up and going to bed when I want to go to bed.

I like eating whatever I want to eat, even if that means ice cream for dinner. I love watching what I want to on TV, and I love to not turn on TV or music if I want peace and quiet. I just love being able to do my own thing.”

Gourav


5. As someone who strives for perfection, I am constantly disappointed by everything, including myself and the people around me.

“As someone who strives for perfection, I am constantly disappointed by everything, including myself and the people around me. When dating someone, after some time I will start to pick out their flaws and then my brain inflates my perception of the flaws to the point of me being so irritated by it that I don’t even want to be around said person anymore. Sometimes this results in them actively trying to please me which will irritate me even more because I want them to live their life how they want without my influence, and so I will just completely cut off connection with them.

I don’t really become aware I’m doing this process until a little while after, and I’m sure that it never feels great for the other person so now I choose to avoid even attempts at romantic relationships. I enjoy having time to myself anyway.”

Emily


6. I’m too selfish.

“Currently I am a 20-year-old male, and I would rather stay single at this current point in time, mainly for one reason:

I’m too selfish.

Relationships are great, but serious ones take incredible amounts of commitment. At the current moment in my life I know I am not ready to invest all of that time again:

I want to be able to not touch my phone for hours.

I want to be able to have weekends where I’m not doing anything.

I want to be able to get up and go without thinking about anyone else.

I want to be able to spend days and night working on my blog.

These are just some of the reasons why ultimately I know that right now I would not be able to commit myself to a full relationship again.

That being said, I am still open to dating and will not rule anything out, because life is weird and wonderful.”

Gourav


7. I see them every day, scowling and bickering. I see their agony and their constant pain.

“I see them.

I see them every day, scowling and bickering. I see their agony and their constant pain. I see them go through motions every day, hoping today might be the end of it but there’s always tomorrow to be worse. I see them together and apart, momentarily happy and eternally depressed. I see the rage and the fraudulence. I see the bestiality and the barbarism. I’ve learned to recognize the curious webs of truth and lies. And I’ve learnt to hide my heavy-heartedness and dismay.

I’m not sure they realize what a poor example they’ve set for their children to look forward to.

How do you deal with this loop? How do you not give up when your brain is foggy with uncertainties of future yet crystal clear with what’s going to happen when you get home?

Your body hurts and your heart aches for the loss of your innocent childhood. You just want to curl up in bed and be lost to your whimsical thoughts. Sometimes it’s easy to play pretend and weave happy thoughts to keep going. Sometimes you make a confidant in your head. Sometimes you write. Sometimes you stalk charming boys with seemingly harmless smirks and simple lives. Then out of nowhere you’re hit with the sobering reality that many of them might turn out to be the very last thing you need in your life. While you’re aware that may not be plausible for every guy you come across, that’s just how your brain has adapted and trained itself to react.

So you stop. You stop looking for intimacy or attachment. You stop paying attention to that desire to have someone to call yours. You ignore the warmth you feel when a friend appreciates you for you. You discard the irreconcilable want of a roaring flame. You slam the door in the face of glowing embers you had never wanted. And you revert to your thoughts and find strength in your will and ambition. You trust yourself to be the only constant in your life, the only one you can count on and you become egocentric and unmindful. You would rather enjoy the peace of solitude and savor the amity of the quiet.

It’s a choice you make every day. To be or to not be sucked into that incalculable spiral. It’s a choice you’re most content with because you know you would never do wrong by yourself.”

Somya


8. I can live by my own standards and don’t need to accommodate someone else.

“The pros of not being in a relationship outweigh the cons of not being in one.

I don’t have to take care of anyone but myself.

I don’t have to deal with someone arguing or being annoying.

Saves a ton of money.

I have freedom. I don’t need ‘permission’ to do things.

I can live by my own standards and don’t need to accommodate someone else.

I don’t want emotions to cause problems in my life (breakups, sex & pregnancy, etc.)

Those are just a few I can think of.”

Gary


9. There’s just been too many disappointments in my love life.

“There’s just been too many disappointments in my love life. I’m beautiful, smart, and most importantly, happy being single.”

Bren


10. Relationships are work. I have no room in my life for something that I have to get up every day and work at.

“Relationships are work. I have no room in my life for something that I have to get up every day and work at. I have priorities. My health requires daily tending, my business requires daily tending. My space requires tending. I honestly, don’t have room in my life for ONE more thing that requires work and tending. I would never own a piece of technology or a car that I had to try to make work every day. Even our language is bad, ‘make your relationship work,’ correct me if I’m wrong, but why on earth would you stay in a relationship where you have to force it to do something it can’t do naturally. If I can’t just be with someone and not have to force it, work at it, or put in some other kind of extraordinary effort, then I see no point. I work hard enough in my life, why would I willingly add one more item to my life to-do list?”

Cameron


11. I have decided to just focus on myself for now.

“The reason why I am single is because I have decided to just focus on myself for now. All I want to do right now is just get out of my 3rd year of high school. When I finish high school for good then maybe that’s when I’ll start dating again. But for right now I just want to focus on myself, I don’t really want a relationship right now. I want to work on improving myself, and being happy with myself. I learned something in my last relationship that I cannot depend on my partner to make me happy, it doesn’t work that way. It’s not that it’s too much drama for me or anything, it’s just that I’m not trying to be in one right now. I haven’t met the right person in my life yet, I want to get to know people and see what they are like before I put my heart at risk again. For now, I just want to do me and be me, and focus on nobody but myself and my education. Cause that’s what matters most to me right now. My probably is I depend too much on my partner to make me happy, to the point where I become clingy, which is something that I am trying to work on in the future. Because I don’t want to scare guys away from me. I have to be more dependent on myself, I can’t buy happiness, have to learn how to love myself more.”

Anaya


12. In relationships people tend to lose their essence becoming someone dependent.

“I personally prefer being single because I like my individuality. For what I have seen, in relationships people tend to lose their essence becoming someone dependent. I don’t like the idea of giving someone that much control over me. For me to be in a relationship, a lot of needs would have to be covered for me to make that choice.”

Angely


13. I like the person I am when I’m single.

“I like being single. I like the person I am when I’m single. I’ve been in good relationships, but none where I can absolutely say that yeah, the person I am when I’m with this guy is who I want to be for the rest of my life. Breakups are painful, and I put my heart and soul into making a relationship work, but when one ends there’s eventually a sense of relief, like, yeah, now I feel like myself again. I can’t explain it, and I haven’t met anyone yet who makes me feel differently, but at this moment I can safely say that being single is my natural state.

But boy, do people hate that. Like, seriously, it surprises me to no end how vehemently they try to argue with me when they find out I’m not actively searching for a partner. I’ve heard everything: that I’m wasting my best years, that I’m doing dating wrong, that I’m not being fair by giving decent, interested guys a chance. I’ve literally been in a situation where I was surrounded by like eight guys trying to argue with me that I’m just plain wrong about how I feel. Good lord. Like, there is no way you can debate me out of my own self-awareness, so just stop. I like being single. That’s not meant to be a challenge or an insult to people who like being in a relationship: that’s just me. I don’t get why that’s so weird.”

Dylanna


14. No one wants me and I honestly enjoy my own company.

“No one wants me and I honestly enjoy my own company, it is refreshing not to participate in meaningless conversations and force relationships that have no longevity. the world is mine for the taking, why waste my time with trying to date someone?”

Ezra


15. Why buy the cow when you can get a gallon of 2% for free by the second or third date?

“Because, why not? With premarital sex not only having become commonplace but even expected, why buy the cow when you can get a gallon of 2% for free by the second or third date? Most of my friends think it’s not only weird, it’s folly to wait until engagement or marriage to have sex.

What’s in it for men? Citing punitive, husband-hating divorce settlements so easily come by—especially in ‘no fault’ states—men have an increasing fear of losing everything they’ve worked for. According to the article, marriage rates are way down in England and America—the lowest since 1895. The protesting party in this anti-marriage sit-in are usually the men, and I can certainly attest to that with my own dating experience.”

Vicryl


16. Mostly I enjoy living my own life my way.

“I’m taking a little offense that something might be wrong with me. I’ve been single since ’99 and I’m 28 years old and I’m loving every minute of it. The biggest reason why I stay that way is because I have a daughter and putting a stepfather in her life scares the crap outta me, but mostly I enjoy living my own life my way. I don’t have to answer to anyone and don’t have to explain myself to anyone. If the house is a mess I know I’m the one who did it, and if my bank account is empty I have only myself to blame. I can go out with my girlfriends, I can flirt and dance with the boys and have no guilt. I can have sex with whoever I want (safe of course). I’m thinking the question you should ask is what’s wrong with those people in relationships. Don’t they know how wonderful it is to be free?”

alltheanswers


17. There are a lot of things I want to do in my life, and they don’t require a partner.

“There are a lot of reasons. I would rephrase it slightly, though. It’s not so much that I choose to stay single as it is that I don’t choose to be in a relationship. It’s not a large difference, but it is significant: I’m not against ever being in another relationship, but I’m also not particularly interested in being in one, either. But there’s always a chance I’ll change my mind, should I meet the right person at the right time.

Some of my reasons are:

I don’t need to be in a relationship. I’m not criticizing people who really need to have a significant other in order to feel happy and fulfilled. I recognize that most people seem to be oriented this way and that it’s perfectly normal. In fact, I think too many people don’t want to totally admit how much they want to have a partner, and they shouldn’t feel that way. But I also recognize that I’m more comfortable being single than most people are.

I’m independent. I’m used to being on my own and to doing things by myself. While it would be nice to have someone to help with things occasionally, I’m not accustomed to having help, and usually I prefer it when people step back and let me do things myself. I’m getting better at accepting help, but asking for help or talking about my feelings are learned behaviors for me. Even as a young child, I was unusually self-sufficient.

I’m very introverted. I find most people really draining, and need a lot of recovery time after being around people. While there are people I don’t feel this way about, they are few and far between. The idea of having another person around all the time just isn’t very appealing.

I’m the single mom of a teenager. The idea of having a serious relationship right now, of bringing someone else into my son’s life and changing the household and relationship dynamic, when he’s likely to leave home in just a few years, doesn’t seem smart or fair to him. Additionally, because I’m a single parent, I expend a lot of energy just taking care of him, and don’t really have the space or energy for anyone else. Men who don’t have children are seldom understanding of how much time and energy is involved in parenting.

I form relationships slowly. Most men I meet seem to form attachments much more quickly than I do. Men in my age range have usually been married before, As such, they tend to be used to a certain type of relationship style—which is usually not my relationship style. A lot of the time, they seem to be looking for a partner who is like what they wanted when they were in their 20s and got married the first time. And I’m not interested in being that.

I’m a woman who’s interested in men. Multiple studies have shown that, in heterosexual pairings, when men get married, pretty much everything in their lives improves—health, happiness, income, etc. For women, the effect is the exact opposite; everything gets worse. I’m aware of how unequal heterosexual ‘partnerships’ usually are, and I’m not interested in an unequal relationship.

I’m tired. I just don’t have the energy to go out and meet new people often. When I do, I tend to do very well, so it’s not about fear of rejection. It just doesn’t really seem worth the effort.

It’s hard to find people who I’m compatible with. I’m an empathetic person, observant, funny, and warm. Most people would probably describe me as likable. I’ve been described as easy to be around, clever, and down-to-earth. These are qualities most people find attractive. But I also have pretty severe ADHD, chronic insomnia, and Celiac disease. These are all things that I’ve learned to manage, but they do require a lot of adjustments from anyone who wants to be an important part of my life. I suspect it would be too much for a lot of people.

It’s hard to find people who are compatible with me. The set of qualities that I’d look for in a partner aren’t all that common, particularly in men. Finding someone with all those qualities who I also find attractive, and who would want to be in a relationship with me, not so easy. Especially since I’m almost exclusively interested in other introverts, who are also not all that inclined to go out to parties and socialize in groups.

I’m not going to have more children. Having and raising children together is a reason many people want a significant other in the first place. That isn’t applicable to me.

I have other things going on. I’m living life and doing stuff. I have friends to hang out with when I want to, to talk to when I need to. I have projects and passions and books to read and movies to watch and art to make and new recipes to try. I don’t get bored and I don’t lack ways to spend my time. There are a lot of things I want to do in my life, and they don’t require a partner.

Rebecca TC mark

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