This is a topic I have personally struggled and battled with for ages. As a self-proclaimed “guys girl” I always found it insulting when people utter the phrase “guys and girls can not be real friends”. I strongly attest to this most of my closest friendships are with the opposite sex. They offer sides of friendship I could never share with a woman.

Now saying this I am not naïve, men have alternative motives to begin a friendship, but men are not the only guilty ones. Friendship falls into a lot of the same rules as a relationship. It needs time to grow, it needs to be nourished, but most importantly it needs to be beneficiary to both partners participating. The truth is we all use each other to feel.

1. They want to hook up with you

For males the beginning of the friendship can be ignited by attraction. Thus meeting a stranger someone they shared no history with, no mutual friends or obligatory ties. The reasoning to start this so called friendship would be the hope that it would lead to a romantic or sexual relationship.

Most men are attracted to their female friends. There is a YouTube video called “ can men and women be friends” a survey they completed throughout a university in the states. When asked if they would have sex with their female friend or if they were attracted to them, all the males answered yes. Ironically all the women answered no and were shocked with their so-called male platonic friendship eagerness to sleep with them.

Men start friendship with women, because they find them attractive. The friend zone is still a notch above stranger, giving them a chance to escalate the relationship. However, just because they find you attractive does not mean they are head over heels in love with you. It also doesn’t mean your looks are the only reason they are friends with you.

Physical attraction may have prompted the friendship, but if a guy continues a friendship with you after a significant amount of time of receiving no physical satisfaction your friendship means more than a potential hook up to him. Your friendship becomes real. Your friendship has left the physical state of using each other, thus leading to emotional support.

2. They want to hook up with your friends

Now, that a real friendship is established using each other physically could ruin what you have. So if we can’t use each other, we might as well use their friends. Sometimes the best wingman can be your best female friend. I speak this out of experience with my own male friends.

There is no better wingman than a girl best friend. She will boost you to all her other attractive female friends who happen to be lonely for the night. One of her friends is on the rebound, perfect you have the best male friend to comfort her. You feel safe leading, your friend with a good guy. She is happy she is getting some male attention. He is happy he is getting some physical attention. Everyone knows the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.

Being her good friend she clearly trusts your character judgment. Landing her in the arms of your perfect platonic male friend. This is the friendship I believe is the most successful, between the opposite sexes. It works, because it is beneficiary. Every party is getting something out of it and everyone wins. This scenario works both ways for women as well.

There is no better wing woman than your male best friend. Like you he most likely has many other friends he could be dying to set you up with. When our friends get into relationship we must adapt to their new partner. Thus if our friend started dating our friends, we could avoid this awkward getting to know you stage and not alter our friend group. This is a win not only for the couple, but the friend group.

3. I used to hook up with your friend

This friendship is probably the most genuine out of all of them. Once upon a time one of you had some sort of relationship with their friend. Whether it was purely physical, emotional, or something in between.

It was significant enough to form a friendship with your former hookups friends. Depending on how close this relationship with their friend was, they could know everything about you or merely be drinking buddies. Nonetheless they are your real friends. They chose to still be friends with you even after your so-called relationship with their friend fizzled. They like you enough to be friends with you out of choice, no longer obligation to their friend. Take a look around your circle of friends of the opposite sex.

Now ask yourself how it all started? Relationships physical or emotional will probably meet its end eventually, but friendship can be the silver lining. A hook up buddy may be long gone, but you can be lucky enough to gain some real friends on this rollercoaster ride. Don’t dwell on a failed attempt at relationship, but appreciate the new friendships. Relationships will almost always end friendship is all we have.