10 Signs Your Relationship Is Sucking the Life Out Of You

(500) Days Of Summer
(500) Days Of Summer

We all know there are the “typical” reasons for leaving a relationship. Things like cheating, lying, blatant disrespect, physical abuse, addiction, etc. But what about those little things that happen day in and day out, that eat away at your soul, that cause you to shrink, that leave you feeling like crap!?

Not sure where to draw the line between loving someone for who they are and distancing yourself from them because they are consistently hurting or manipulating you? Most of us try so hard to love and take care of our partners (family, friends, colleagues) that we begin to neglect ourselves.

Most times these behaviors are unintentional, sometimes it’s done on purpose — either way, it breaks you down. You don’t know how to express it, change it or control it. The dynamic of the relationship isn’t what it once was, whether it’s been months or years. Sometimes, it takes us way too long to realize that something that wasn’t even good for us in the first place, has ended. As a strong individual, you must have the intelligence to realize when you have to let go and the strength to actually do it.

Here are the top 10 signs you need to put your relationship in the rearview mirror… and FAST:

1. YOU CRY. Uncontrollably. For no reason. You just do. It’s not necessarily that your partner makes you cry, but the feelings precipitated from the actions and inactions, words spoken or unspoken that make you feel like total poop. I’m not against crying. I’m not against letting tears flow when you feel angry, hurt, disappointed or heartbroken, but when it’s an every day occurrence, you have to ask yourself WHY. When crying turns into extreme anxiety, your puffy eyes become a permanent accessory and your boss finds you crying hysterically in your car, then it might be time to call it quits.

2. HIGH EXPECTATIONS. We’ve all got high hopes when we enter into a partnership. But when the expectations are placed on one another, that’s when shit hits the fan.  When you get into a relationship, YOU should strive to be the best person, partner and lover for your mate and hopefully you choose someone who wants to equally give the same. A relationship should teach you about yourself and encourage you to grow, but at the same time, you should never have an expectation of your partner to grow or change for you.

3. LOWER STANDARDS. Do you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do, or accepting things that you would never have before? If you’re lowering yourself or feel yourself shrinking just to keep peace in the relationship, it’s time to bust out. You should never have to sacrifice yourself for another person.

4. YOU FEEL WORTHLESS. Your partner shouldn’t have to put you on a pedestal, do everything for you or buy you things just for you to feel loved. That feeling of love, praise, worthiness comes from intimacy, comfort and love between the two of you. When you don’t get those feelings of closeness, understanding, respect and compassion, you start to doubt your worth. In a relationship, each person should be of equal importance and it must start with you. If you see no value in yourself, no one else will.

5. YOU’VE LET YOURSELF GO. This piggybacks off the previous lesson of knowing your worth. When a relationship’s got you feeling so crappy on the inside that it starts to show on the outside, you need to reevaluate. When your sparkle starts to dull and your eyes tell a story of pain instead of passion, you’ve given up on yourself. Never let yourself go, because even though looks aren’t everything, feeling good about yourself is. I don’t care what anyone says, when you look good, you feel good. Lip gloss never solved any problems, but it’s a damn good start.

6. YOU STOP DOING THINGS YOU LOVE. This is a huge red flag. You stop hanging out with your friends, stop watching your favorite shows, reading books or just leaving the house all together. You’re just downright miserable. And nothing excites you anymore. You spend all your time fighting, crying and overanalyzing the relationship that you don’t have any time for yourself and the things that fuel your soul. Instead of encouraging you to be happy, your partner is manipulating you into believing that the only way you will be happy is with them.

7. YOU START QUESTIONING YOURSELF. Before this relationship, you were never selfish, inconsiderate, heartless and cold. Now you’re being called every name in the book and you even start to believe it — but somewhere deep inside, YOU KNOW that’s not who you are. This person brings out the worst in you, they bring out the fire and you have no idea how to put it out. When you start questioning who you are, begin to get lost in someone else or start feeling guilty for being YOU, you need to get out quick.

8. YOU BECOME A COMPLETE B!TCH. Watch out world! When you step foot out of your house, everyone in your way becomes a victim to the issues, problems and mess ups that are going on at home. You are so irritable that every little thing annoys you and since you don’t have the balls to stand up to your partner, everyone from the gas station attendant, to the convenient store clerk, your co-workers and your neighbors feel the wrath. If your relationship is causing you to become ill-tempered, annoyed or uncontrollably bitchy- then you need to check yourself.

9. YOU’VE STOPPED GROWING. Relationships are meant to help you grow. Think about it: everyONE happens for a reason. Whether it’s a childhood friend, a relationship with a co-worker, a one night stand, a secret affair or your high school sweetheart- they all had meaning in your life and taught you a lesson- either what you do want, or don’t want going forward in your life. In a relationship, you’re either growing together or growing apart. There is no standing still. When a relationship is done teaching you what you need to learn, then it’s done. Likewise, if you never learn your lesson, you will continue to bring those hardships into every other area of your life.

10. ROLLERCOASTER RIDE. When it’s good it’s really good. When it’s bad it really bad. When you wake up every morning, you don’t know which person you’re going to get — the loving, kind, beautiful person you fell in love with or the one who is irrational, mean and insecure. No relationship will every be 100% all the time, but you should be secure enough to know that in the end, you are both working towards making it the best you can and giving unconditional love always. Relationships should equal unwavering support and your home should be at peace. If you’re not feeling these things on a daily basis, you better get off the ride. TC mark

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