Everyone deals with heartbreak differently. Some of us cry and binge eat. Some of us handle it like a champ. In the past, I’ve done it all — from begging my ex to come back, to locking myself in my room for days so I could cry my eyes out to turning to food for comfort.
I’ve gotten my heart broken too many times to count. Each time it was different and my healing process and time varied. The one thing that was the same for all my breakups was this: I got over it… eventually.
There are a ton of cliche ways to heal after a breakup. None of which seem to be the golden ticket. They tell us to date other people, work out so we feel better about ourselves, or spend more time with friends. This is all well and good advice, but I believe that in order to really heal from a breakup, there are three core things we need to do.
The truth is, you can’t just “get over it”, but you can make the healing process easier. Here’s how:
First things first. You have to acknowledge where the relationship is, was and will never be again. Is it really over, or are you just going through some tough times? Are you open to letting this person continue to be a part of your life, but more importabtly, are they open to you?
Assessing the actual facts of the breakup will help set the stage for the next steps. If you were the one who broke it off, acknowledge the real reason why. If it was their choice, evaluate their reasons for doing so.
If the relationship is really over, you must accept it. Trying to convince your ex that they made a mistake by letting you go will only delay the healing process.
In my opinion, gratitude is the healer of all things. Instead of spending countless hours replaying the relationship in your head, wondering where it went wrong, focus on the good things. What did you learn from this relationship? How did you grow? What memories and experiences did you gain from being with this person?
You may not have your partner anymore, but I guarantee there is still a slew of really great thing you have in your life, like your family, your friends, career, etc. Be grateful for all of it. Embrace the changes. Chances are, they’ll be really good for you.
When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power. Bottom line, forgiveness needs to happen in order to move on. Whether it’s forgiving your partner or forgiving yourself.
Maybe you’re waiting for an apology or closure. Both of these things must from within. You must be okay with what happened and be willing to move past it. If you’re not okay with the way it happened, or the circumstances surrounding the breakup, it can lead to resentment.
Forgiveness is paramount to making changes in life and required if you want to move forward. You must learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on. There’s no sense in punishing yourself over and over again for something you cannot change.
If you are currently going through a breakup or still getting over your last one, remember this: there is hope. I know it might seem like the end of the world, but it could be the start of some really beautiful changes in your life. Use this time to heal, and reinvent yourself so that you can bring your best self into your next relationship. (And yes, there will be a next one.)
Still having trouble? Join me for my 10-Day Letting Go Challenge here: http://bit.ly/lettinggochallenge