Thought Catalog

7 Reasons Not To Get Married

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Pinterest brides are all the rage and every girl is trying to outdo the other by having the biggest, most expensive, most creative wedding. Too many women are so fixated on the wedding that they forget that it’s really all about the marriage- creating and maintaining a long lasting, unbreakable partnership with another person.

With divorce and infidelity rates at an all time high, we should really be paying more attention to who we attach ourselves for life and WHY we’re doing it. Trust me, falling in love with the wrong person sucks, but marrying them is even worse.

It’s perfectly okay to bow out gracefully if you realize the person you’re with isn’t the person you should be married to for life. Marriage is hard work, but so is divorce. Here are my top 7 reasons NOT to get married.

You Want A Wedding

Like I mentioned above, weddings have become more about doing it bigger and better than all of your friends and family than celebrating the bond between two people that really truly love each other and belong together. It’s not about the ring, the honeymoon or the centerpieces, it’s about the amazing relationship you’ve created with another person. If you’ve got a wedding Pinterest board with all the most lavish things you could imagine and you’re not even engaged yet, let me be the one to tell you- you are NOT ready to get married.

You Want A Family

Relationships and marriages are hard work. Adding kids into the mix without a stable foundation is a set up for disaster. Husband and wife should have an unbreakable bond, with or without kids. If you’re looking for a husband so he can provide you with the kids you desire to have, you’re doing it all wrong. A husband should be more than a sperm bank. Before you make that decision (together, I should add), make sure that your man can also be a good provider, understanding and compassionate to the changes that marriage and children bring to a relationship.

Money

Sure, those Jimmy Choos and Chanel bag look great with your botox and lipo, but if you’re marrying for money- be ready to also be miserable for the rest of your life. You (altered) outer appearance and material possessions can only bring you happiness for so long before you realize you gave up your heart for cash. It’s true that a lot of marriage problems stem from money- or lack thereof, but when you become dependent on a man for your financial worthiness, the relationship will harbor lots of resentment. Here’s a tip, make your own money and find a man that fills more than just your wallet.

Your Parents Approve

It’s always a blessing and relief when your partner and your parents get along or somewhat like each other. Although to any father, no man will ever be good enough for his daughter and vice versa for the Mama’s boy. There will always be some tension in relationships with in-laws. Always. So be prepared for it. Especially if something goes down, or wrong words are spoken. When it comes to in-laws, chances are you will have to bite your tongue a lot and be semi-forced to do stuff you really don’t want to. Kind of like your parents, but worse. Seeking your parents’ (or anyone’s) approval for who you choose to love and marry should never be top of mind. No one else has to sleep with, live with, clean up after or put up with your partners crap but YOU. Just because your mom likes him, doesn’t mean you have to marry him!

Comfort

Complacency is the ultimate relationship killer. If there’s one thing I advocate in my coaching practice, it’s this: relationships are meant for growth, not for comfort. If your relationship keeps you in the same place or worse, has taken you down a notch or two, it’s time to reconsider. Yes, it’s easy to remain the same, to not push and to be content with what you’ve got. But to truly live life and experience love on a whole different level means to learn, explore, change and grow… together. Someone who truly loves you wants to see you evolve and succeed, and they will be by your side, cheering you on the whole time. Relationships certainly shouldn’t be about being happy with you’ve got, especially when you could do better. Wait for the best and don’t settle for less.

Sex

Sex. We all love it. We all need it. But there’s a difference between sex, good sex, amazing sex and a passionate, intimate connection. If you’re doing anything but the latter, you’re doing it wrong. For some reason, we tend to think that instant connection with someone means that we’re meant for them. However, that’s not necessarily true. Attraction and connection is something that can develop over time with love, understanding and respect. And passionate sex, means connecting with someone on so many levels above just the physical. Intimacy is more than just sex, and when you combine all the parts, your sex will be mind blowing. If you think you’re having good sex with someone, just imagine having it with THE one, your true soul mate.

Love

I hate to break it to you, but love is not enough to sustain a marriage. Love should definitely be the foundation of your marriage, but standing alone will lead to failure and ultimately divorce. There is so much more to life and relationships than loving another person. There are plenty of people that are worthy of our love, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we need to marry them. Love comes from creating a compassionate mutual understanding with another person, and knowing that you would do anything for each other- without question, without fail.

So there you have it, the seven reasons NOT to get married. Are you thinking of being the next runaway bride. I’ll totally back you on this one. Canceling an engagement is 10 times better than getting divorced, or worse, being in a marriage that you’re not happy in. TC mark

Read more in our bestselling ebook All My Friends Are Engaged.

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