Jasmine DeLude

Tonight I’m here. Alone in my apartment. Contemplating the lives of others and the way the lights look. And wondering if I too appear busy enough, happy enough, content enough, loved enough.

It took me a long time to get here and I’m not wasting any more time. I’m not wasting any more goddamn time on anybody for any reason. We’re doing what makes us happy.

I feel like you’re the one I’ve been searching for. Like I found someone I’ve been missing but forgot about.

Tonight, I’m laying myself down to bed. I’m sobbing, because I finally understand why they say love is pain. Because I’m finally ready to face my fear. I’m ready to accept the love the world wants to give me.

If I put positive energy into the world, that affects other people. And if I put negative energy into the world, this too affects others.

Society has no influence on my worth as a person. I am not in competition with anyone. And no one can tell me that I am less than or other in any way.

I’m suicidal, but I don’t want to die. I do think about killing myself and have even made plans. The clinical psychological term for this is called suicidal ideation.

Remember that you are enough. You are smart. You are strong. You are beautiful.