Thought Catalog

I Will Love You Even If It Hurts

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Toa Heftiba
Toa Heftiba

You will always be my greatest adventure. I love you when you are happy, but I love you even more when you are sad. I love you on your joys, but I will love you even more on your struggles because I know life gets difficult for everybody. You still deserve to be loved no matter how ugly the situations are. You deserve all the love in the world, no matter how little you think of yourself. I will always think highly of you, because I know what you can bring into this world. I know what you can do, and I believe that you can do a hundred-fold more.

I love you even if and when it hurts, because I know that’s when I’d have to love you more. That’s when I’d have to understand you the most.

I will love you during the brightest days, and the darkest nights. I love you when you are whole and full, but I will love you even more when you think you’re broken or half empty. I will love you even more – even when you think you don’t deserve it.

I will love you even when you think we need time apart to make things right and to find ourselves. I will love you even if your decision to figure things out alone destroyed me, because I know it is necessary, and because I understand that mustering up the courage to do so must have taken everything in you.

I love you because you know that change and growth is important no matter how much it hurts. I love you because you fought for me when I couldn’t fight for myself and for what I wanted. Now that you are fighting for you, that’s when you deserve the love and the respect the most — because you seek change, and because you are aiming to be a better person; because you do not want to be in a cycle where we keep hurting each other. I will still support your choices because I know it in the deepest parts of my heart that your decision was never meant to hurt me.

You do not need to ask why I’m always around. You do not need to feel ashamed just because you think my love for you is greater than your love for me. I will always be around because that’s how great my love is. I will always stick by you, even when you think that I am not needed anywhere near you. I will always cheer you on, even if I can only do so from afar for now. I will still be the greatest fan of your life. I will always watch over you because that’s how much I care and all I ever wanted is for your heart to be happy and to be at peace.

I will love you despite your failures (even when I honestly think you don’t have any), I will love you at your worst, I will love you at your ugliest, I will love you at your darkest. Because that’s when I know you deserve to be loved the most.

I admire you for having the courage to seek solitude, because I could have never done the same. I will probably always think that solving our problems together is the best way to go but I admire you for wanting to better yourself at your own timing, at your own pace.

I love you enough to let you go and be the person you want to be, to figure out your dreams and your plans on your own – without any pressure from me or from anybody else, without anyone dictating what you must and musn’t do. Take all the time you need, my love.

I guess I’m going to have to love you from a distance for now. I’ve learned to accept that I can’t save you from yourself, and that only you can save you. My mind and my heart hasn’t changed, I still feel the same. For the mean time, I will also keep trying to work on making myself better, not only for you – but for myself and for everybody else who cares about me. I don’t know how but I will try my hardest to make everyone proud, you and myself included.

This isn’t going to be easy peasy, but if and when you finally see what you’re looking for, when you have achieved clarity, when you find you — you know where to find me. TC mark

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