Ladies, This Is How You Can Tell If A Guy Is Actually Into You

Flickr / Leo Hidalgo
Flickr / Leo Hidalgo

Ladies, we purposefully convince ourselves that deciphering a man’s true interest in us is some challenging mystery, but it’s not.

There’s just ONE thing you need to watch for to know with total clarity whether a man really adores you, cares for you, and wants a life with you.

That one thing is — pay attention to his actions, not his words.

Yes, how to know if a guy likes you is truly that simple … and that’s what makes it so hard (read: scary) at the same time.

Hard because he might say things you want to hear and may smooth talk his way into your head, causing you to over analyze, make excuses and overlook obvious red flags in his behavior. Hard because if you feel like you’re running out of time or won’t meet anyone better, you’re more likely to believe his empty promises mean he’s into you.

But here’s the truth … it takes courage to resist making his words mean what you want them to mean vs. seeing what his actions are clearly telling you. Even if you can’t put your finger on it, you should listen to any uneasy feelings you get when something he says or does doesn’t add up, or align.

If you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll spend weeks, months, and years with the wrong men in relationships that aren’t right for you (and never were from the beginning).

Behaviors and actions don’t lie.

Words aren’t truth. When you pay attention to a guy’s behaviors and actions, you’ll quickly learn how he really feels about you. Your mind may try to rationalize his actions away or talk you into being OK with things. But, your body will speak the truth, you’ll feel like something just isn’t right.

For example, imagine these scenarios and notice how your body feels … these are clearly signs that he’s not truly into you:

  • He texts late at night and wants to meet up. You seem good for a booty call but nothing more.
  • You only have brief conversations or texts to decide what you’re going to do or where you’re going to meet up.
  • You spend most of your time together between the sheets.
  • He disappears between dates and you have no idea where he goes.
  • Even though you get along really well and have a great time, he still wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along.
  • He keeps his life compartmentalized — he’s reluctant to introduce you to his family and friends (or you haven’t met them).
  • He makes himself a priority and you an afterthought.
  • He treats you poorly and blames you when things go wrong = he’s more into himself.

A guy who’s into you wants to spend his free time with you and know all of who you are. You’ll hear from him in between the times you see each other. He’ll eagerly introduce you to his friends and family. He’ll treat you with respect. He cares about your well-being. His words match his deeds, and his actions consistently communicate that you are a priority, that he’s excited to know you as a person (not just a sex partner). His actions speak louder than his words!

So … what to do if you’ve fallen for a guy who is saying the right things but his actions to match up?


Sorry, but his behaviors and actions are telling you loud and clear that he isn’t fully into you. He’s got one foot in and one foot out. Many women make the mistake of trying to do and be more in hope of getting a guy to like them more. But, the signs are already there and things aren’t going to change.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “If only I had …”. Don’t spend hours talking with your girlfriends about what you should do.

By leaving, you make space for a man whose words, behaviors and actions indicate he IS truly into you. Rather than being in a rush to find love, set the pace, let things unfold naturally and pay close attention to how your body feels around men you date. DON’T let your mind rationalize his actions away or talk you into being OK with behavior that leaves you feeling like an after thought.

Most importantly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. It takes time to find the one who is right for you. Just patiently wait and see; notice the signs that show up when a guy isn’t into you. By doing so, you’ll move on more quickly and make yourself available for a man whose behaviors and actions clearly show he is head over heels, completely into YOU. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Janet Ong Zimmerman

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