Thought Catalog

13 Feminists Talk About The Time They Hit A Guy

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I recently wrote an article that drew attention to a post at Jezebel called Have You Ever Beat Up A Boyfriend? Cause, Uh, We Have, in which I encouraged readers to go and read through the comments. There are now more than 250 comments so I thought I would perform a little public service and give you the highlights.

In reference to the editor who admitted she slapped a man for saying he thought he might have breast cancer, and the other editors confessing that her actions really made them laugh, a commenter agreed that it was very funny and then shared her own story of violence against men, which she understands is abusive. It got worse from there but every once in a while a voice of sanity popped in to call them out.

1. washlonfore

“Yes, that made me laugh really hard too. Very very hard.

I have slapped a man down before, quite hard, but I love him so I felt bad because, well, it’s abusive.”

2. HansCrosby

“The missus smacked me around a bit for the 3rd time in our 17 year marriage -i never even raised a finger -ever!

I left the adulterous, abusive bitch there and then -without saying a word and regained my balls.

I got custody of our 3 kids and the home.

Violence is a betrayal of trust

Yeah yeah -she was sorry each time that shit happened; same as you gals.

Your mothers must be so proud……”

3. Sisyphus

@HansCosby: “You had my sympathy until your last 2 paragraphs.

Now I wonder what you did you antagonize her to attack you.”

Another commenter came to Hans’ defense, pointing out that women who abuse men will likely abuse children, too.

4. HypocrisyExposed

“If the women is prone to abuse her husband or boyfriend, she is more likely to abuse her kids, I am a child protection worker and i can tell you that from experience. He did right to protect himself and the children. You need a reality check.”

Some commenters are decent enough to feel bad after hitting their male partners, but I cannot help but wonder if they would accept “I feel bad” as an acceptable response from a man who confessed to hitting a woman?

5. nadarine

“I’ve (open-palm) smacked my lovely, perfect, wonderful boyfriend about twice since moving in with him. Never with full force (as I have a black belt, and I know that my full force is disabling when used correctly), but GOD do I feel terrible afterward. Even if he’s taunting me and all but asking for it* (argh, I feel awful using that phrase), I feel like a heinous bitch.”

6. glanock

“How did you overcome the feelings that you had after doing this? I just drunkenly pummeled my boyfriend this weekend for no good reason. (I was really wasted.) I feel so terrible. He says that he is staying, but the looks that he has been giving me are heartbreaking.”

7. Jlboo

“Anyway, one day I had enough of his horses*** (I honestly can’t even remember what triggered it, but I’m sure it was good) and I started beating the living s*** out of him. I felt really bad for losing control like that, but later realized it was much worse that I was with someone who could push my buttons that way.”

Other commenters are adamant that sometimes violence is the only way to get through to men.

8. curlsa

“sometimes a well-placed smack upside the head is the only recourse a woman has”

This woman was disgusted when the man she punched hard enough to knock over got a restraining order against her.

9. weavinglssexy

“I once dated an alcoholic (rite of passage for all good little girls) who came over drunk and got in my face. I punched him hard enough to knock him on his ass. After I dumped him, he served me with a restraining order, which I proudly showed off to all his friends. Stupid wimp.”

This woman admits her actions had the potential to be fatal, but at least he won’t fuck with her again.

10. B-NaNa

“I once freaked out when I caught a guy I had been dating in h.s. at a party with the girl – no, make that troll – he’d been cheating on me with. He had the nerve to bring her there, because she “bought the keg” and was his H hook-up (yeah, a REAL winner that one was). I was fall-down drunk and pushed him twice, the second knocking him over and hitting his head on a windowsill. Luckily for me, it didn’t knock him out, but boy was he shocked. He never fucked with me again, after having playing mind games with me for 2 years.”

And this one knows she acted out of proportion but is secretly proud of her violence.

11. brassinpocket

“My last boyfriend crossed the line (showing up drunk, refusing to leave my place) so I beat the piss out of him with, unfortunately, my favorite umbrella. I am very embarrassed by it, it went too far….Secretly, I’m glad I stood up for myself and kicked his ass. He’s a punk with poor values heading down the wrong path. He’ll get his doubletime.”

Some men get slapped just for saying things women don’t like.

13. maryrules

“When I was in high school I slapped my bf hard enough to give him a bloody nose. In front of his friends. He told me my band was “cute,” so I obviously had no choice.”

But it doesn’t count if he isn’t afraid and the injuries aren’t serious, right?

14. BitterDryedUpHag

“Come on ladies, where are the shelters for battered men? Guys turning up in the emergency rooms with black eyes, broken noses?

My Ex told me his former lover beat him. I was a bit startled when I met her. He is 6’3″ about 195 lbs.; she was 5′ and appeared to weigh literally 98 lbs.

Battered men? The question is, are these men really physically afraid?”

This particular woman has learned she can frighten her partners just by screaming at them, although she has resorted to violence, too.

15. sparkle

“I got into a lovely wrestling match with a boyfriend once. We were drunk and he was taunting me, but I didn’t want to actually hurt him so I let him win. And I used to wrestle with the boyfriend after that all the time. It was fun and playful at first, but things started to get angry. Like that one time when he lifted me up and dropped on his carpeted concrete floor… flat on my back.

Yeah, that wasn’t fun. I screamed bloody murder which scared the shit out of him, and then got up and punched whatever shit was left out of him. He became mildly terrified of me after that.

I haven’t wrestled the recent boyfriend yet, but I did learn that yelling and arguing really loudly and scarily like I do (thanks, dad!) scares him enough to win any argument. :)”

Then Jezebel ran another article on the same topic – domestic violence against men – one of the first comments came from a man who described the lack of resources available to him after what sounds like a life-threatening experience of domestic violence.

16. yznhelmer

“I was awoken one morning by a blow to my face via one of my children’s little league soccer trophy. My wife attempted to hit me several more times with it while she was shrieking out the words ‘how dare you steal my socks’.”

Another woman made an important distinction between violence violence and great make-up sex violence.

17. rellsh5k

“Now speaking form my own experience, situational couple violence has been very close to my life, as I have experienced much of it in my two year relationship. At first it was sort of exciting in a weird way. We would fight, I would hit him, he would grab my wrists and push me against the wall, the make up-sex that would follow was always spectacular.”

A tiny bit of cultural awareness crept up on this woman, who now thinks that Pink might be singing a song we would never accept from a man, thanks to the double standards surrounding domestic violence.

18. orangeblossomordinary

“I was listening to that Please Don’t Leave Me song by Pink on the radio the other day thinking, “This is catchy.” Then I realized that had it been written and performed by a man, I would think it was pretty fucked up.

‘perfect little punching bag’

what?”

And finally, one woman was shocked by witnessing an episode of domestic violence against a friend, but knew there was no real way to help him.

19. zombiepanda

“I was just dumbfounded the first time I saw them fight, I mean, I know in theory that female-on-male IPV happens, but watching this big dude curled in a ball screaming “stop, I can be a better a man” while she repeatedly slapped him and told him he was worthless – It was some seriously “parallel universe” shit. A week later, she broke her hand hitting him in the face.

I didn’t call 911 because I knew he would never press charges. I waited until I could get him alone and I asked him if he wanted to report her abuse. He said no, who would believe him? I asked if he could stay somewhere else, but no, because his mentally ill mother was pretty unstable and constantly kicking him out, he really had no place to go and couldn’t afford to get his own apt. I told him that it was abuse, period. I even gave him the name of the only man I know who works with domestic violence victims…”

There is something very wrong when women can seriously harm, injure, humiliate, physically and emotionally abuse men, and yet our strongest political response is the Violence Against Women Act.  Why not Violence Against Intimate Partners Act?  Why not just Domestic Violence Act? TC mark

image – enki22

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