11 Signs That He’s Not ‘The One’ For You (Even If He’s A Good Guy)

1. You can’t relax around him

You constantly feel on edge, like you are part of some kind of performance and you have to live up to your role. You don’t feel natural just *being* with him, and you feel like you’re constantly trying to impress him.

A practical test of this: can you hang out in silence with him? Can you work on homework or read a book with him in the same room, or is the silence nerve-wracking?

2. You always want to do different things

This isn’t always a deal-breaker, sometimes couples who have very different interests end up working out — but it should be a red flag if you never seem interested in doing the same things.

3. You don’t have the same expectations regarding sex

This is a big one for me. Whenever I am talking to someone, and somehow I get a booty call after only texting for like a week, I back off a little bit. Because that doesn’t meet up with my sexual expectations. I like to be wined and dined, or just be hanging out, and if something happens, it happens. I don’t like being summoned to the bed for sex whenever my dude is feeling a little horny — at least that early in the relationship.

Some people might have the opposite expectations. That is 100000% fine! But if you aren’t in-sync with your partner, you really need to get in-sync.

4. Communication is frustrating, and feels unnatural

Conversation with someone you’re meant to be with should feel natural and seamless. It should be funny, and well, fun! If you feel like you and your man have a ton of awkward silences where you’re combing your brain for ideas of things to talk about — especially after the first couple of dates, which can always be awkward — then maybe something is off in your dynamic.

5. You like the idea of dating someone more than the idea of hanging out with him

If the idea of “having a boyfriend” is what is keeping you excited through everything, and not the idea of *HIM* in particular, that is an easy sign that things aren’t going to work out long-term. That’s not to say there is anything wrong with wanting a fling with anyone, but that’s not typically the foundation of a long-lasting relationship.

6. He doesn’t make you feel comfortable being fully yourself

This doesn’t mean he does anything *wrong* to you, it just means that you don’t feel like you can be yourself around him. And it’s a problem, no matter what the reason is.

7. You feel pressured to put your relationship with him in a box

Basically, this is when you don’t bring the man into your everyday life. You hang out with him at a pre-decided time, then you go home and watch TV and forget about him until the next time you text or hang out. You get annoyed when he tries to change plans, or do something spontaneous, because he is bleeding into your other “life boxes.” This is an indication that something isn’t clicking quite right.

8. You feel a lot of anxiety when thinking about him

Anxiety in general is just an indicator that your mind isn’t comfortable with something. Some of us experience more anxiety than others, but if you are feeling above-average amounts of anxiety about your guy (more than just first date jitters) then you should think about why you aren’t comfortable with him, and whether you actually have serious potential or not.

9. He doesn’t seem excited to introduce you to his friends

This is just a big red flag. Why doesn’t he want you to meet his friends?

10. And you don’t feel excited to introduce him to yours

Why don’t you want him to meet your friends? Do you know they will disapprove for (probably right) reason? Do you want to keep him separate from your life (back to the boxes thing)? Just worth thinking about if it is the case.

11. Thinking about a future together doesn’t excite you — like, at all.

If you’ve been dating for a while and you can’t see yourself together in a few years, then that’s pretty much the ironclad indication that you aren’t meant to be.

But hey, what do I know? At the end of the day, follow your heart.