Am I The Only 20-Something Guy Who Actually Wants A Real Relationship?

Thought Catalog
Thought Catalog

Everyone tries to tell me all about how great the hookup life is. They tell me about how awesome it is to just visit someone’s bed, have sex, and leave before you have to remember their name or the sound of their voice. They tell me it is all the rage, and that everyone is doing it. But I dunno, I don’t quite buy it. 

That’s not to say that I judge other people for their choices, or what makes them happy. But I just don’t think hookups are my cup of tea anymore — if they ever were.

I want someone to not just sleep with, but to spend the night with, and wake up with. I want someone who will eat breakfast with me, before rushing off to school or work. I want someone who will be waiting at home for me, or waiting for my text, to talk about our day.

Am I the only guy who is looking for this?

I don’t think there is anything specifically “masculine” or “manly” about wanting to attract the maximum amount of sex for the minimum amount of effort. I don’t get that. I don’t get guys who keep tabs on how many girls they have slept with, or challenge each other to sleep with girls of certain ethnicities, backgrounds, or sororities. And while I’ve had a one night stand here and there, it’s just not enough.

Sex isn’t enough. Physical pleasure, temporary sensations are not a replacement for genuine emotions. And while maybe there is quite a bit of momentary pleasure in an orgasm, my suspicion is that it doesn’t match the pleasure held within a lifetime of hugs from someone you care about “around the clock.”

Relationships are riskier, I’ll admit. You are putting more on the line. More time, more money, and more feelings. And some of those feelings could be bad ones, because unlike in the movies, relationships don’t always work out.

But I think I am ready for them. I want the feels, give them all to me.

I want the commitment, I want the risk, I want the emotions, I want the real thing. I want to go on adventures that take us far beyond our respective bedrooms. I want to travel to places that we have only imagined. I want to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. I want to go shopping together, and just enjoy life’s mundane things with a partner who wants to enjoy them with me too.

I want to watch my partner grow into their career, their aspirations, and our life.

And I’m not pretending like the next person I go on a date with will be the person I stay with forever. I know that finding someone takes a lot of time and effort, but I also know that I want to start now. I want to get to know someone, to go on dates, to take risks, and to work to find something that’s real.

I want to share something with someone that last more than a few seconds. And I know that that journey isn’t easy, but I am ready — even when I feel like the only one. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Jacob Geers

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