1. You know what a Buckeye actually is. (And you’re surprised that’s not common knowledge)!
2. Like, not just a term for an Ohio State fan. But like the actual nut thing.
3. Which you also know is poisonous — seriously, don’t eat them. EXCEPT there’s also a candy Buckeye that is chocolately peanut butter deliciousness.
4. Everything in Ohio is near either Cleveland, Columbus, or Cincinnati. It doesn’t matter if a town is like actually three hours from Cleveland, it’s still “near Cleveland.”
5. You also navigate via “unique” landmarks — like IKEA stores and theme parks.
6. Like, you’ve probably said the phrase, “Oh I live near Cedar Point” or “I live near the Cincinnati IKEA” at least once in your life.
7. You aren’t entirely convinced that there are four seasons. You’ve only seen three of them: Summer, Winter, and Construction.
8. But you’ve seen them all (plus a tornado, and monsoon, and drought) all in one day.
9. Also, back to the construction — how nothing ever gets fixed. Maybe things do in other states, but you’ve rarely seen it happen.
10. You are also convinced that the orange cones are capable of reproducing. Like where do those little sh*ts all come from all the time??
11. You hate Michigan. It doesn’t matter why. It doesn’t matter that it’s just a college football rivalry. Michigan sucks.
12. BUT YOU ACTUALLY DO KNOW WHY! The rivalry started because hundreds of years ago, Michigan and Ohio fought a war over Toledo. Toledo. The USA government eventually arbitrated the war by giving Ohio the city of Toledo, and giving Michigan the Upper Peninsula.
13. You shit on Toledo. You don’t completely know why, but everyone does.
14. Also if you’re from the Cincinnati-area, Cleveland sucks. If you’re from the Cleveland-area, Cincinnati sucks. Again, nobody knows why. Except apparently Cincinnati is boring and Cleveland caught their lake on fire at some point.
15. You know what it feels like to be shit on by the East and West Coasts and even if you ended up moving there, you don’t completely forgive them for it.
16. Though you probably constantly make fun of Ohio yourself. But like, you can only ding it if you actually live here, right??
17. People asking you about places that you don’t actually live close to. “OH, YOU’RE FROM OHIO?? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CEDAR POINT’S NEW RIDE??”
18. Nobody knows what “UDF” stands for, or what they sell. Like, where does everyone get their gasoline and malts?? Are people missing out on other great food?
19. Like Skyline. Seriously, it’s life. Unless you’re one of those snooty Columbus-based young professions who try to act better than the rest of Ohio by hating it. REALLY? What could be better than cinnamon-laced chili on a hotdog with mustard and onions. NOTHING, THAT’S WHAT!
20. Everyone just automatically assuming you worship LeBron James. “OH YOU’RE FROM OHIO, HOW MANY POSTERS OF LEBRON DO U HAVE??”
21. Even though we are still pretty proud. I mean, something good and exciting came from Ohio. That’s pretty cool, right?
22. Never having any real expectations about sports. Like, we are here to have a good time and hopefully make it to the playoffs (if you’re a Bengals fan) or just not embarrass ourselves too much (Browns fan).
23. But this is why we have the BEST tailgating games.
24. Like, how does the rest of the country survive without cornhole??
25. It’s basically a rite of passage. So are other great games, like Brisbeee.
26. Oh also, your parents ABSOLUTELY love going to chain restaurants.
27. Like maybe you moved to a “big city” and tried different types of food, but for your graduation your mom is still gonna wanna go to somewhere “special” like Applebees or O’Charleys.
28. The feeling that NOBODY knows how to drive — except you. This is especially true during any kind of weather event, snow, rain, the like. Doesn’t anybody know how to drive any more?
29. Knowing what it feels like to live in a state with a shop actually called “Grandpa’s Cheebarn.” Like, everybody knows about it, but few have actually gone.
30. Actually hanging out at the grocery store as a kid. Like, as a social venue. Because there was nothing to do.
31. Also playing capture the flag in said grocery store.
32. Bonus points if you hung out at Jungle Jims, which is basically the mother of all mega supermarkets.
33. Bragging about how more Presidents have come from Ohio than any other state, but having no idea who is actually on your City Council.
34. Measuring all distance by time. “Oh, yeah the concert is about 2 hours away.” Why is this always the most relevant way to do it?
35. Claiming to be from one of the big cities even when you’re in a Suburb that is basically an hour away.
36. And having an insane amount of Ohio pride, even if you are confused as to why you do.