23 People Share The Most WTF Thing They Ever Saw At A Party

Flickr / 3dpete
Flickr / 3dpete

Originally found on R/AskReddit

1. Pharmacy robber

This kid from high school thought it was cool to take people’s prescriptions at parties. Well, this one particular bottle on the counter was dog de-worming pills. He took a handful while he was drunk. Twenty minutes later he starts crapping himself uncontrollably. So he was de-clothed and laid in the bathtub for the rest of the night to wallow in his own dump.

2. Party pool

We set up a kiddie pool on top of mattresses and filled it with approx. 25 gallons of vanilla pudding for wrestling. It was the day before St. Patty’s, so someone had the bright idea food color it green. People wrestled in it, kiddie pool breaks, entire basement is covered in 1-2″ of green pudding.

3. Pranking a cop

Standing outside a fraternity party I watched a bike cop have his bike stolen.

Cop stopped a kid for an open container. About 30 seconds after he got off his bike another guy jumped on the bike and took off. The cop started running after him, and the guy ditched it after about 100 ft. Another guy coming from the opposite direction grabbed it, and took off past the cop.

Don’t know if they ever found the bike, but that neighborhood was heavily patrolled for the next couple weeks.

4. Did they want to sleep with it?

Living in the country, parties can get.. weird. I once saw, at least it seemed that way, four people get a horse drunk and then ride it (not all at the same time).

5. The Amish attacked the party!

I was at a party in a field that got crashed by Amish kids once. They seriously just rolled up out of nowhere and started raiding our coolers, cracking beers and trying to fit in with us. Some of them (mostly the guys) were douchebags, but the chicks were actually pretty cool.

6. Jesus…

Party at a ranch and the cops busted it. Kids in halloween costumes and horses who somehow got loose were running crazily through the streets. Almost everyone was either high or drunk.

In addition to the cops, the owners of houses around the party were shooting guns in the air to scare the kids away. The funniest part though, was that a kid was handcuffed to a tree well before the party got busted and had to watch as everyone ran away.

7. BJs for everyone or nah?

I was maybe 15-16 and my friend’s mom went out of town for a few days. He threw a party. He’d been bragging about a chick from upstairs who would give him blowjobs before their parents got home from work, and that she would be there to take care of the boys… she was!

I was next in line for mine, when there was a loud banging at the front door. A woman rushed in, pushed me aside, and threw open the bedroom door to find her daughter with a cock in her mouth.

She punched the guy in the head a few times, then dragged the girl out by the hair, both of them screaming at each other in Chinese.

Too bad there weren’t camera phones back then.

8. Drunk architects

Went to a party at a large farmhouse quite a while ago, where there was a pantry full of tinned goods in all shapes and sizes. At around 4 AM I go in to the kitchen to get a drink and two guys are in the pantry and they’ve spent the entire night building a 7ft+ pyramid made of tinned food items.

Honestly that shit was so impressive, it’s a shame it happened over 7 years ago and I don’t have any photo evidence of this marvelous feat.

9. The country is a scary place

A hay bale, on fire, and pushed down a back road with a dodge pickup. Impromptu cow riding. Pulling seadoo’s and boat on dirt roads. Battering ramming a camper into a fire pit. Playing paintball from junker vehicles that still run.

10. Caribbean wedding gone wrong (or very right?)

Two close friends had a destination wedding in the Caribbean. They ditched the reception, so there was no bouquet throw, conga line or anything.

It was an open bar, so everyone got wasted. The bride’s uncle punched me, a random guy pulled my hair. We created a mosh pit, which became so slippery the DJ had to make a short pause so it could be mopped.
One of my friends wanted to run into the sea, another was screaming “Orgy!” and “Hooray for sex!” every now and then.

After that, we went to a bar where we met the wedding photographers. One of them hit on one of my friends, and we are pretty sure he roofied a couple of us.

The next morning I had my second worst hangover, and at one point there were bridesmaids puking at the sink, toilet and bath tub at the same time.

The kicker? It was a rather conservative Christian wedding.

11. WTF??

Some guy decided it would be idea to see if it was possible to make dog-human hybrid so he tried to get in bed with a girl and brought his dog with him. FORTUNATELY she came to her senses and GTFO of there.

12. Oh Andy…

I was at a party with Andy. He isn’t the smartest drunk.. So Andy, drunk off his ass, stumbles over to the fire pit, looks at the fire, and passes out falling face first into it. Pretty scary shit.

You know how kids will fuck up sometimes but instead of quickly fixing what ever they fuck up, they just sit there and stare at it? Well the same thing happened with all the people standing close to Andy, they just watched him and his clothing start to catch fire.

The people’s reactions are what caught my attention so I ran over and a few other people helped me “stomp” Andy out. (We didn’t actually stomp on him)

He had some pretty bad burn marks but surprisingly didn’t have a great deal of damage.

13. Please say this is fake.

A guy on his hands and knees wearing only tight black leather boxer briefs and a matching mask with shockingly realistic-looking antlers was moaning and grunting “oh yeah, make me dash away” as a young woman with a Santa Claus hat relentlessly slammed a huge black boot against his ass, harder and harder each time.

After staring at this spectacle for some amount of time that I wasn’t quite able to gauge (there were about twenty other people in the room at the time, most of whom were staring in shocked silence, as I was) and the woman had stopped and set the boot down for a moment, I heard the guy mutter in a low voice that was almost inaudible from the leather over his mouth, “light up the tree.” With no hesitation, the woman pulled a stun gun from out of her pocket and took it to the front of his briefs.

As mixed yet uniformly strong responses came from the other spectators around me and the guy shrieked into the carpet upon which he collapsed, apparently at the zenith of pleasure as well as pain, I turned away and headed for the door. I had been there for a while by that point anyway.

14. Parties at Crystal’s house doe…

I have seen some shit…

When I was young there was a house. This house was a place of parties, and those parties where things of legend. You have not been to a party until you went to a party at Crystal’s house. Here are a few small stories.. just a taste really.

One of the earlier parties got a little congested. People had a hard time moving around upstairs, so someone decided to make a little bit of space in our host’s bedroom by throwing all her furniture out the window.

One of the later parties involved an abduction. A pick up truck backs into the driveway and four or five guys hope out. They call for one of the local farm type guys and he comes out with a few other people. As soon as the farm guys comes out the visitors all jump on him, and before anyone can even react they’ve tossed him into the back of the truck and they’re speeding away. After beating him for a bit they tossed him out of the back of the truck.

One of the regular party attendees had a habit of pissing everyplace when he drank. The fireplace, the jacuzzi (stand up on the edge pissing, not while sitting in the thing like a normal drunk), and once right in the middle of our host’s bedroom. The latter wouldn’t have been all that crazy except that several football players from the next town happened to be in the kitchen below. Imagine their delight when someone’s spilled beer stated dripping from the ceiling above. Now imagine their conviction for retribution when they found out if was piss. He managed to escape without loosing his teeth, but someone had to watch him at all the future parties. On a side bar: The last time I saw our protagonist he was shuffling down the road, towards his home, with his shoe laces tied together.

Right at the apex of one of the larger parties a reclusive punk type shows up. He acknowledges no one and makes his way the hosts pantry with a box. He steals every single bit of food from the house and once he’s loaded his car he returns to the house, heads to the fridge, and dumps one of the ice cube trays from the freezer into the sink. He then proceeds to piss in the tray before putting it back into the freezer. Without saying a word he looks around as us all watching him and without saying a thing he leaves. No one says a word about it, like it was normal. The silence about the event continues to the next day until when our host is spotted getting herself a tall glass of ice-water…

15. Frat bros can be the worst

Few years ago my former housemates throw a new years eve party with mostly people they know, I was outside the friend group and new to the house. One fratty guy gets wasted, opens a cabinet, and knocks some glasses that break on the floor.

I hear the smash and being sober go to try and clean up the mess. Fratty guy starts harassing me about being a stick in the mud and how I am a mother hen (I hadn’t met this fucko until that night). So I tell him to step on the broken glass and he gives me this dead eye stare, removes his shoe and sock and just stomps on the broken glass.

I went out to a bar and had a great rest of new years. Bonus : the kitchen floor was covered with dried blood and glass for 5 days afterward. Not my mess, fuck those people.

16. Aunt Wendy needs help

I’ll never forget this one. I’m waiting in line to use the bathroom, I’m like 11 at the time, and this woman called Aunt Wendy (she wasn’t anyone’s aunt but insisted on being called Aunt Wendy) comes in drunk out of her mind. She goes over to a fax machine sitting on a shelf, pulls down her pants, sits down, and tries to pee on the fax machine.

My mom runs in the same time someone is exiting the bathroom, grabs Aunt Wendy and shoves her into the bathroom. My mom is holding the door shut, I went to go get the man in charge, and the other people in line are laughing their fool heads off. So I get Bobby, the guy in charge, we get to the room, and can hear Aunt Wendy screaming out that she’s trapped in a room of doors and can’t get out.

Mom again sends me to find her husband. I do, run back and all is quiet, we open the door, no Aunt Wendy. We look in the shower, nope. Then my mom sees a small towel closet behind the door. Open it, sure enough, there’s Aunt Wendy, climbed onto one of the shelves and fell asleep, curled up like a cat. And I might mention that all this happened before 830 at night. Aunt Wendy parties hard and fast.

17. Help.

Saw a dude shit in a breadmaker that was in the kitchen cupboard, and then put it back.

18. Holy Fuck.

My friend got zapped by an electric fence…while we were high on LSD. it was fucking wild. she said she has never been so high in her life and she was giggling for hours afterwards.

Also saw a girl graffitiing a wall in her own blood at a party in Peru.

19. No more birthday parties

At a friend’s birthday party. First her 14 or 15 year-old brother is putting full-sized cigars out on his arms…later her boyfriends mom comes down and is asking people to motorboat her. Then she knocked over a candle and spilled hot wax all over her son’s hair/clothes/ face. I saw so many weird things happen at that house

20. Wine bottle bathroom?

A kid taking a piss in a white wine bottle then closing it and putting it back with the rest of his parents collection…

21. SOS SOS SOS

I will never forget the image of an old man with both fists up a separate asshole. Berlin fetish parties truly do live up to the hype.

22. And those chairs were never the same…

At my 21st birthday everyone got LIT. Like were eating vodka gummy bears, doing tons of shots, I made jungle juice so basically everyone was drunk and sweaty and nasty. We were outside on my porch and a girl who I was sort of friends with was kind of pacing strangely.

She proceeded to go over to my neighbor’s porch and sit on one of their wicker chairs and we just heard her sigh. When I went over there to check on her it was deadly obvious she had just peed all over the chair and the cushion. We didn’t really know what to do so we just took her upstairs, changed her, and put her to bed. Never told my neighbor!

23. Bombs away?

I absolutely had sex with a guy on a balcony once not knowing there were people below us listening to the entire thing. But joke’s on them because he threw a used condom over the rail and it totally landed on one of their feet. WHOOPS. TC mark

Jacob Geers

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  • princessennui

    I’ve been reading FML for the past two weeks, and these are the most debauched, shameless collection of stories I’ve ever read. I don’t even want to follow you anymore.

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