These Are The Things I Don’t Notice As A Guy

I love almost everything about women. Most of the time. If you haven’t read me before, I’m a flamboyant and straight guy who has lived with women for the past three years, (Different groups). I notice all sorts of little quirks. My interest is particularly piqued when it comes to fashion. The thing is, I don’t catch all the things you do. I may think I’m attentive, but I surely didn’t see what the brand name was. I merely noticed how you pulled it off.

What do I see when I look at your purse? An endless cavern of goodies and supplies. I know that if my lips are chapped, you’ve got me covered. My breath is a bit onion-y from the delicious Jimmy John’s, you have mints stashed. I also dig that you have solid set of pockets to stash my movie ticket when we go in. I might even notice the cute pattern you picked out. What I don’t notice is what brand name you’re flaunting. Prada means the same as Prodo to me.

Sorry.

I don’t notice or care about who you’re texting when we’re lounging on the couch, watching football on Sunday afternoon. In all likelihood, I’m doing the same thing. I do notice when you shoot even one message while we’re at dinner, and silently, I’m judging.

Speaking of Sunday football, it’s cheating to have important conversations during my team’s game. If it is two randoms, you have a green light… but if it’s my Packers or Badgers, could you please hold. I won’t notice a single thing you say, and I’ll end up letting you down in the near future. Instead of getting mad at me in two days for forgetting the dry-cleaning, tell me after the game.

I don’t notice when you’re being passive aggressive. Why? I’m too busy being passive-aggressive. I know for a fact that there were situations where if I had been listening to the other half of the conversation, I’m sure I would have noticed your hinting. Kind of like in the recent HIMYM episode, where Marshall and Ted were going back and forth about Wedding Presents and Thank You Notes.

I don’t notice when you’re flirting with me. I try to be really nice to everyone I meet. I think that being genuine and giving it your best shot is the best way to get ahead in this world, so my general politeness comes across as “flirtatious” behavior. On the flip-side of this, I don’t notice when others’ behavior is flirting or when it is just someone being nice. Please, if you’re into a guy, and you’ve been trying to lay down signals, give us some help.

And lastly for you ladies, just remember this: we’re too busy noticing great things about you to notice the little blemishes you think stand out in your physical appearance. So be proud and confident. And don’t sweat the little ones like split ends, knobbly knees, or frankly, little ones.

We’re not noticing.