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I Still Care, But I’m Done Being Hurt

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There’s no point in pretending I don’t care.

My heart still feels heavy whenever your name pops up in conversations, but I’ve gained back some control.

See, there was a time when you clouded my mind, when every limb of my body would weaken whenever you came close. You could have done anything, hurt anyone, and I would have still chosen to be by your side.

Some called it love, others stupidity, but I think it had a little bit of both.

I still remember the day you left. It only took you five minutes on the phone to let me go. What you didn’t know was that it only took three seconds after we hung up to realize that I was done.

I was done with the pain of always choosing you and I was done with the pain of crying over someone who never appreciated me. I was done feeling second to everything in the life of someone who had always been a priority in mine.

I was done with the twisted cycle of letting myself go and letting myself open up, just to get tossed around when you needed a punching bag to make yourself feel better. I was done being hurt.

It’s sad that it took me three years of my life to realize I deserve better. To realize that I deserve someone who does not feel the need to yell and insult me, or yell at me in public whenever I was “quiet,” or treat me like a child when I was distant and chastise me to “snap out of it.”

Most of all, I realize now that I deserve someone who loves me for me and not the girl that he wants me to be. I deserve someone who does not enlarge my body size or base my value off of my body size or the way I do my makeup.

I deserve someone who does not belittle my dreams. I deserve someone who makes me feel amazing and invincible.

And with tears in my eyes, I swear this time is different.

So this is a new page in my book. This is the last time you will ever read my words about you, because I am done with you. TC mark

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Cut yourself some slack. One of the biggest regrets most people have about their 20s is that they didn’t enjoy them more. And I’m not talking about “buy more expensive dinners, take another trip to Thailand” type of enjoyment. I mean having the ability to take a deep breath and sip coffee in the morning knowing that you have done, and are doing, your best.

“These essays are slowly changing my life, as the title promises. As my friends’ birthday come along, they will all be receiving a copy of this wonderful book.” – Janie

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