1. “I normally NEVER do this.”
Reality: I’ve done this so many times it’s shameful. However, I don’t want you to know that this is something I do so I’m trying to convince you that this is a special occasion.
2. “This is my natural hair color.”
Reality: I’ve dyed my hair so many times, I think this MIGHT be my natural color, but at this point, only God knows what it actually is. Plus, I wish this was my natural color, so we’ll just go with that.
3. “I really hate drama.”
Reality: Drama is the source of life. I don’t usually like when I’m personally involved in it, but it’s a secret guilty pleasure. But I do absolutely love watching other people’s drama unfold.
4. “This selfie I took is totally unedited. Also, I’m not wearing any makeup. #aunaturale”
Reality: I may not have edited it, but I tediously worked towards finding the best possible lighting and the best possible angle to take the photo. And when I say I don’t have makeup on, I really DO have makeup on, it’s just not as much as I normally wear. Please please please comment and tell me how naturally beautiful I am.
5. “I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m so over dating.”
Reality: I don’t want HIM as a boyfriend. But I’d jump on the relationship train so fast for the perfect guy. And I’m desperately trying to come off as NOT desperate.
6. “I’m not like other girls. I swear.”
Reality: I really just think I’m way better than other girls so this is my way of telling the world how different and unique I am. I need to put other girls down in order to validate my own superiority.
7. I’m SO down to earth.
Reality: I’m seeking the approval of the male population and also desperately seeking a relationship. I’m also making an attempt to come off as not trying too hard. I don’t want guys to see me as vain, superficial, and dramatic.
8. I LOVE the outdoors.
Reality: I know YOU like the outdoors and saying this makes me seem really active. It also hides the fact that I’m in a long term relationship with Netflix and pizza and makes it seem like I have a ton of hobbies.
9. I barely even use Facebook/Twitter/Instagram
Reality: I would actually die without social media. There’s also a 99% chance I’ve stalked every detail about you that I could find on your pages.