Love is the most uncomfortable form of comfortable I’ve ever experienced. 

I have always been one to risk it all for love because embodying true love is one of my heart’s greatest desires. Because of that, I’ve learned so much; I’ve also hurt so much. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t know the things I feel I know about love today if it weren’t for taking the risk of learning love. Here are 9 uncomfortable lessons you deserve to learn about love.

Lesson #1: Love can (and probably) will happen more than once in your life. 

Like most of us, I have definitely been in relationships that never resulted in or even came close to love, but I date to learn more about love. With that, I welcomed the opportunity for love whenever I saw it present and felt that I was ready to accept it. I get that everyone isn’t like that and those individuals may disagree with me; however, I know I have shared some true form of love with a few of my past lovers. It gives me hope that my forever love is out there. I never take a lost love as the end of finding love. That’s the uncomfortable part. You have to keep believing in love. 

Lesson #2: Love needs you to be vulnerable. 

I think most of us can agree that one of the scariest things about love is not knowing how things will turn out in the future. Every moment of every day is unknown. Yes, it becomes familiar with time, but still, it’s an unknown. In order to truly experience love, you have to be vulnerable. That’s the ultimate risk, in my opinion. It’s uncomfortable, yet necessary. You have to learn to be comfortable with the vulnerability your susceptible to with the partner you’re choosing to try love with. 

Lesson #3: Love can be emotionally challenging, but it’s not supposed to be primarily painful. 

Love is never going to be all glitter and gold, but it shouldn’t be all hell and high water, either. I’ve confused a painful love for true love before, and the most uncomfortable thing about that is finding yourself in a place where you’re telling yourself the pain is worth the love you’re fighting for. The better you get at convincing yourself that that’s true, the more dangerous that relationship becomes. Love is not dangerous in that sense. Hear me when I say, no matter how much you’ve convinced yourself that enduring tons of pain is necessary for love… it is so far from true. If you’re enduring more pain than joy, that’s a one-sided love and love is a two-way street, darling. Don’t sell yourself short. 

Lesson #4: Love doesn’t happen the same for everyone. 

No matter what type of “relationship goals” you might have for yourself, you have to know that the love YOU get the privilege of experiencing will never mirror one you’ve seen before. It’s uncomfortable having so many expectations about something so unexpected like love. Fret not though; it doesn’t mean you won’t get your perfect love story, it just means you can’t expect it to be what you see someone else experiencing. Write your own story. I promise you’ll like that one better. 

Lesson #5: Love is not lust. 

Love is so much stronger than physical attraction. I wish I had more to say about this, but the facts are the facts. It should be uncomfortable to feel like you truly love someone you’ve only found physical infatuation in. This kind of love is usually the preface of a love built on a weak foundation, which could later lead to the painful love we just spoke about. Dig deeper, my love. Beauty is only skin deep. 

Lesson #6: Love functions at its best with sacrifice, patience, and compromise. 

Again, love is a two-way street and it takes effort from both parties. That effort is unquestionably going to require sacrifice, patience, and compromise. You won’t love everything about your partner (and vice versa), but true love gives you the will to do what’s necessary to love them in spite of the things you don’t really care for. What’s uncomfortable here is being sure not to mistake this step for “accepting” red flags. Giving these privileges to your partner and to your relationship shouldn’t be (too) difficult; and it should always result in a positive solution and moment of growth in your relationship. 

Lesson #7: Love changes you. 

Growth. That’s what I’m referencing when I say that love changes you. Love should groom you—for a lack of better words—but it shouldn’t require you to become someone you’re not. Real love forces you to grow and ultimately molds you into a better version of yourself as you continue to embark on it. If, for any reason, evolving into a better version of yourself doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable in the slightest way, that’s a superpower most of us do not possess. Believe me!

Lesson #8: Love requires accountability. 

Whew… it took me a while to really grasp this concept because I only focused on what I wanted out of love. I was selfish—and love can do that to you, too. For quite a while, I didn’t acknowledge what it required from me to give my partner the desire to reciprocate what I felt I deserved out of love. I didn’t truly hold myself accountable for my part in the relationship. Love takes the dedication of both parties involved. I had to learn to stop asking and expecting things from my partner that I wasn’t giving them, myself. What was most uncomfortable about this was not only holding myself accountable for the things I wasn’t doing but more so holding myself accountable for the things I simply got lazy about in the relationship. True love lasts forever, but so does putting in the work necessary to maintain that. 

Lesson #9: You deserve love… the real thing. 

Even though it’s uncomfortable to consider when your hope in love is currently diminishing… YOU DESERVE LOVE. No matter how bad you think the pickings are. No matter how many times you’ve been hurt. No matter how badly you want to say FUCK LOVE… don’t give up. Your real love is out there and you’re deserving of every ounce of it!

Here’s to never giving up, friends!