It doesn’t matter whether it’s a romantic relationship or a platonic friendship; a working relationship takes two. No relationship should be forced…period. A lot of the time, we are in denial about the realistic status of a relationship we feel we want and deserve which is what ultimately leads us into this relationship limbo. The sad part about being in relationship limbo is that one person in the relationship normally cannot tell or does not want to admit that the relationship has gone there. So how do you know if you’re relationship is in limbo or not? Here are seven signs of showing you’re already there! Let’s get into it!
1. You only ever hear from them when you call or text first.
This is a big one. Communication is key. I get it, we’ve all got busy schedules, but if you only hear from this person on your own motive… something isn’t right here.
2. The majority of your conversations take place via text (or, worse yet, social media).
I honestly hadn’t realized how dependent our generation is on using social media and text messaging as a means of communication. Then there’s the friend that you (and everybody else) swears adores you based on the comments and googly-eyes they leave on your IG, but when you see them in person it’s like you barely know each other.. You can’t possibly consider yourself building a lasting relationship with anybody you don’t physically speak to on the phone or better yet, IN PERSON.
3. Your conversations all feel a bit forced and/or abrupt.
You: Hey! I saw that commercial you liked with the kid driving the car and thought about you… How’s your day going?
Them: It’s alright… (with total disregard to the commercial reference)
You: Oh, well that’s good. What else do you have planned for the day?
Them: Not sure.
You: I was going to grab a bite to eat after I get off. Want to join me?
Them: Maybe next time. I’ve got stuff to do. Thanks tho…
Sound familiar? If this is what your conversation sounds like with anyone it wouldn’t be a bad idea to evaluate the need for that relationship.
4. You don’t spend much quality time together.
This is another big one. People make time for what they want to make time for. Even the busiest of people find ways to spend time with the people who are important to them. Remember, quality time doesn’t have a limit and doesn’t have to occur at a certain place in order to be deemed valuable. It’s about the generosity of the visit and the time you both get to spend together. No matter how long or short.
5. You only really hear from them when they need or want something from you.
This is typically when a true friend or significant steps in to point out this flawed friend to you because most times you’re so caught up in being a loyal friend to them that you don’t even realize you’re being used. The bad part is, most times your kind, generous acts aren’t even reciprocated. So, don’t be mad at the people who care about you for pointing it out, they’re doing you a favor… trust me.
6. They’re not very affectionate.
If affection and appreciation are not vivid, that’s already a red flag right there. Although you should hear that you mean something to this person, you should absolutely feel it. If you two can’t sit and cuddle or sit and talk, or sit and cuddle while you talk… there is definitely an issue at hand. PDA (public display of affection) is also another big factor in determining your value. I understand that some people aren’t comfortable with it, but for the most part if a little PDA cannot be shown something is definitely fishy.
7. You feel most “appreciated” when you’re having sex.
That’s right. If you feel like the most “magical” time in you all’s relationship is during sex or the five minutes you spend cuddled up after sex… chances are there is no real connection between you two. Yes, this goes for you “friends with benefits” relationships as well.
Never be afraid to evaluate the need for the relationships and friendships you’re in. It takes two to be in a functioning relationship, no matter what the type. Don’t hold on to false pretenses and don’t be in denial about how genuine someone is being with you. Your heart is no toy and your time is valuable. Act like you know this. Don’t be afraid to do a little ‘spring cleaning’ (well, I guess fall cleaning) in your relationship closet this season. Know when it’s time to move on!