A year ago, I was going through the hardest days of my life. I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship, was cheated on and constantly lied to, and was disrespected in so many ways in which I slowly believed that I wasn’t enough for anything good in this world. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I took 10 steps back for every step forward, and I felt lost. Life wasn’t worth fighting for. I hit rock bottom.
But I told myself, you need to get up and fight back. You are not a product of weakness and insecurity that was only inflicted in you. You need to love yourself again. And so I did. I left Manila and headed for Los Angeles. I wanted a new space, a new environment, a breather.
I wanted to push my limits and be the best that I could be. I wanted to use my resources to achieve my goals and grow into a better woman. That was my focus. That was my hustle. Writing is my passion, and I knew it could get me somewhere if I worked hard enough. And so I did. I was in a jive. And I was finally okay with myself again. I mean, I didn’t fully love myself, but I sure was far from the hellhole I was in after being in such a toxic relationship for years.
And then you came along.
I was so unsure. I was so afraid to be with someone. I’ve only known toxic relationships and lies, and I didn’t want to show anybody the vulnerabilities I had that were only used to destroy me. I didn’t trust anybody.
But you showed me what it meant to be loved without fear.
You loved me even on my weakest days, when all the pain I’d gone through in life bit me back. You loved me even when I was crying at 10 in the morning because I remembered all the abuse I’d gone through, and you told me it was never going to happen again. You looked at me like I was the most perfect thing you’d ever seen in your life, and slowly I began to feel like I was actually not the words and insults hurdled at me by my abusive ex-boyfriend.
You showed me how worthy I am of genuine love. The kind of love you thank the universe for. The kind that makes you want to be a better person. You love me with no restriction and no faults. You reassure me so much that your future has me in it, that your only goal in life is to take care of me. I never thought I’d meet someone like you – someone who wants me to heal from my past and make sure I look forward to a future of happiness with you.
And now all I know is you.