I always thought I needed love to be happy. I thought love was exactly what I was missing in my life and that is why I wasn’t okay. I figured that If I found someone to love me that everything would instantly get better. That I would do more, that I would be more. However, in waiting for love, I lost what life really was. I wasn’t living anymore; I was just waiting. I didn’t think about how many years had passed or how many opportunities had passed me by. I didn’t notice myself getting older.
The truth is that you don’t need love to be happy. You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. It is one big cliché, but you really do have to start with yourself. You have to start figuring out who you are now and who you want to be. Starting with yourself, you find out what truly makes you happy without relying on other people. You learn what sparks your interests, what puts a glimmer in your eye, what makes you happy both internally and externally.
I relied too much on people who were never here to help me find happiness. They didn’t give me 100% and just viewed me as a stop gap, someone who was there to entertain them when nothing else was on; they kept me there just to feed their ego. They let me down time after time, and I never had the courage to walk away. I never had the strength to realize I deserved a whole lot more than what they were giving me. The toxic situations kept me trapped through the fear of being alone. What you don’t realize is that when you allow these toxic people to leave your life, you allow new people to enter, ones that give you the same energy as what you are giving out—people who will aid you on your road to happiness and not hinder you for their own self-worth.
You are the route to your own happiness. Put yourself first in whatever way possible. Start small, like with a bubble bath and a face mask, and then work up. Put your needs first. But most of all, put yourself out there. Take every opportunity that comes your way. Don’t let life pass you by while you wait. Live and don’t just survive.