The last great story was when some ginormous woman came through and ordered four large family meals. And of course an extra large diet Coke, because that makes it okay to eat all that deep fried shit. So I was a bit surprised that this woman was by herself in her car ordering so much food. She was really, really huge, so I wasn’t totally shocked, but it still seemed like a lot.

So she pulls up, and the car is just full of trash and shit. This was before Hoarders, so I had no idea that was a thing, but looking back, she was definitely a hoarder. There were food wrappers piled deep in the back seat, cigarettes and ash overflowing from the ashtray, and a fucking stained, nautically-themed beanbag chair in the passenger seat. So after she paid, I handed her the food and the drink, and out of nowhere, an arm appears from the beanbag chair and grabs the drink. I leaned down to get a better look, and sure enough, it was actually just a dude even larger than the driver. It was genuinely shocking that the two of them fit into the same car with the doors closed.

I’m not one to mock fat people to be a dick, but this was just pure shock at the spectacle of exactly how huge these people were. It was like the kind of people who would be on an A&E special. It was that excessive.

31. There are good people after all

We had Elvis as a regular. Well, technically an Elvis impersonator, but still. He just came through the drive through in the morning about once a week and ordered an iced coffee. I noticed he happened to look sorta like Elvis, but didn’t say anything until one time he paid with a credit card, and I saw the name Elvis on there. I asked him, and apparently he had had his name legally changed to Elvis. Even had it on his driver’s license.

And then there was Batman. I shit you not, he had the outfit, a black corvette (with a strobe light on top) and BATMAN as the license plate number! Know what he ordered? A single bottle of water. Then he gave me a $20 and said to use the change to pay for whoever was behind him. He came through multiple times, and once had a girl dressed as Catwoman (comic book Catwoman, not movie Catwoman, thank god) in the passenger seat. He always did the same thing. Once that $20 managed to cover four other cars’ worth of food, and I got to tell them all that their order had been paid for by Batman. Fun times. And damn his car was cool.