1. “Nope, just you two.”

I’m a Freshman in high school and I’m a ridiculously lonely guy. These two girls came up to me a few months back and asked “Hey, you’re not gonna shoot up a school because you don’t fit in are you?”

2. Never ask if a woman is pregnant unless you’re sure

I was crashing with my brother and his wife for a mini-vacation/catch up visit since he had moved away.

While I was there he was still on duty (military) during the day, so I would help his wife around the house with stuff, as she was in the last 1-2 months of pregnancy with my nephew at the time.

At one point she needed groceries, so I rode with her to help with any heavy lifting, etc. We went through as normal and got everything she needed, and while we were on the beer/liquor aisle, I asked if I could hand her the cash for my beer and just tack it on to their total, since she was paying with a card, to save time. She obliged, I handed her the cash and then put a 30 pack of Bud in the cart.

We go to check out, I’m unloading everything onto the conveyor belt and she’s waiting to pay.

I have no idea what possessed this fucking clerk.

This late 20s to early 30s woman decided to go all high and mighty and blurted out while scanning the beer “You know, it’s not wise to drink when you’re pregnant. Jesus would be awful disappointed.”

I was about to pipe up that it was mine, but before I could even utter a single word my sister-in-law says, very flatly, “It’s not for me, it’s for my partner, and she isn’t pregnant.”

The look on that cashiers face was priceless.

3. Welp.

“Are you self conscious about your teeth?”

I fucking am now.

4. Just because my car is a pigsty doesn’t mean you can participate in this

A guy was chewing tobacco in my car, and he asked if he could just spit on the floor. Granted, my car was pretty messy, but come on dude.

5. Well, I don’t see a second date anytime soon

Q: Have you ever hit any of your girlfriends?
Me: No… why would I do that?
She: You know… because you are brown? (read it in a question form!)

That was a very awkward first date.

6. “You ain’t drunk, are ya granny?”

When introducing my first girlfriend to my alcoholic grandmother from Tennessee, seriously the first words out of her mouth: “Yer fuckin’ her, aint ya?”

7. I get asked this a lot

“Are you Jewish? Your nose is very Jewish.” I’m not Jewish.

8. Wow, people suck

“Why have you been hanging around me and my friends?” Mean grade school memories.

9. Bro…

“Are you a boy?”

… THE HAIRDRESSER MESSED UP AND I HAD TO CUT IT ALL OFF OKAY.

I HAVE A STRONG JAWLINE IS ALL.

10. You’re the worst detective ever

Stares intensely at my face

“How many times have you broken your nose?”

The answer is none.

11. :(

“How did you get invited?”

12. Wait, what?

“How does it feel to be cheated on?”… by the friend of a girl I once dated. I didn’t even know she was cheating.

13. Goddamn it people, stop doing this

“Wait you’re Catholic? But you’re Chinese!”

14. Uhhhhh

“Are you sure that acne medicine is working?”

15. Best manager ever

I worked at a Chinese restaurant as my first job, and you would not believe how often I got questions like:

“Are they terrible to work for? Do they treat you well? Do you get paid on time/full amount?”

Jesus. It made me sick to my stomach. He was the best boss and manager I ever worked for, and those kinds of questions irked me to no end — as if he would be an awful boss based on his ethnicity. The biggest bastards I ever worked for were from right here.

I even saw one asshole customer asking him as if he was twelve years old: “DO, YOU, LIVE, HERE?” Pointing at the floor. He was asking my boss if he lived in his restaurant. My boss replies: “No, I don’t live here! I have a house in ——, Jesus.”

Beyond treating me like gold, he used to tell creepy guys right where to go if they were bothering me — something that no other boss at a restaurant did for me. I always got a free meal every shift, plus he had me sit with his family every evening to enjoy a home cooked meal at the end of each shift as well.

16. If you haven’t noticed, I live at home

“Why aren’t you married yet?”

17. “My uterus has lasers that kill sperm for some reason”

“So when is the little one coming?” asks every single person you know starting the day after you get married. It gets more intense as time goes on. And in our case my wife had some trouble getting pregnant which made it all the worse. I wish people better understood how hurtful this question can be when asked to a woman who may not be able to have kids.

18. No. Just no.

At 18 I took a trip with my family to Puerto Rico. Our first day there, a local that we were talking to put his hand on my little round potbelly and said “You’ll be a mother soon! How wonderful!”

I was just kinda chubby and was wearing an oddly fitting dress.

I cried. A lot.

19. People actually think this way

“Were you abused as a child? Do you still have contact with your dad?” after saying I’m lesbian. I’ve been asked similar questions many times. The fact so many bigots think this is the reason for gay women pisses me off.

20. You lot need to get a goddamn grip

“What kind of Asian are you? I have never been with an Asian girl before, want to be my first?”

You never will. Also, I am not a fetish.

21. What did you just say?

I’m white and my ex-wife is black. Our kids are mixed but differ a lot in shades of darkness. My oldest son is almost as dark as her, while my younger daughter could pass for white.

We were in the grocery store once and we only had our daughter with us while my son was at preschool. My wife was at one end of the aisle with my daughter in the cart, and I was at the other end grabbing something. A very old lady, maybe in her 70’s, came into the aisle on the same side as my wife and daughter, and she had a weird look of concern. I walked back over and the old lady saw that we were together and started smiling in relief. As we walked away she touched my arm and said, “are you happy with her?”

I didn’t understand, so I asked her what she meant. She said, “oh, I just mean is she a good nanny? Would you recommend her services? My daughter needs one. She is using a latina woman now but I told her the problem with those people is if she steals something the police won’t be able to find her. She probably has no records. Anyway, I think it’s absolutely wonderful that you let her come shopping with your child. People gave me such insults for letting our nanny do that 50 years ago, but you know times were different.”

To this day I still crack up when I remember the look on my ex-wife’s face. I never knew eyes could get so wide. The funniest part about it was you couldn’t even be mad cuz in that lady’s mind she was being very progressive lol.

22. There’s a lot going wrong with that question

“You’re Indian, right? What breed of tribe are you?”

23. This is fucking terrible

“Why haven’t you killed yourself yet?”

24. Don’t ask this question

“What are you?”

That is exceptionally rude.

Fun story, I’m from the Midwest and I worked at a grocery store in High School and worked up to a Supervisor position. We had a bunch of HS girls that ran register. One was half-Asian, Japanese Dad I think, she looked Asian she also had darker skin…I think Hispanic mother. Very much American (but it wouldn’t have mattered if she had just fallen off the proverbial boat) real nice girl I knew her from school although we weren’t really “friends”. I’ll reference her as X. Anyway, shortly after 9/11 some disheveled old woman comes in and is in line. I happen to be out at the registers doing something and she goes through X’s line. When X gives this lady her total the first and only thing the lady says is a condescending “What Are You?” as if this poor girl were a sack of moldy potatoes. X just had this hopeless embarrassed look on her face like “what can I even say here”. Personally I was super pissed. I walked over and said, “SHE is the cashier do you have a problem with that?” Old woman says “Is she American?”. At this point X is either about to cry or say something she’ll regret (as an employee if this shit get’s real and a manager gets involved I don’t want X blamed) so as a supervisor I tell X to go on break and I took over the register. I then told the woman to pay for her order. I bagged it up and strongly suggested she never come back and if she had a problem with that she could speak to the manager. She just started rambling some vitriol about “foreigners” and “terrorists” and left. The next customer in line behind this mess made me feel better by saying “What a Bitch” since you know, I can’t just cuss out a customer for being a bigoted racist.

25. Are you stupid?

While working the front desk at a hotel. To note, I’m female.’

Me: Hello, how can I help you?

Guy: Is there a male on duty?

Me: No, I’m sorry, I’m the only one on duty at the moment.

Guy: Oh…well I was looking to ask for some verbal directions, but if you’re the only one here…do you know how to use Google? They have this thing that’s called Maps (he actually spells out the word maps), I can direct you how to use it?

Seriously? Has every woman you’ve ever met been retarded? I was in disbelief.

26. You are.

“So which of you is the girl in the relationship?”

Neither. Neither of us is the girl. We are both men.

27. Rude

As a gay man; you get a lot of rude questions:

• Why are you gay?
• Why did you choose to be gay?
• Do you wish you were straight?
• Will you be my gay BFF? I’ve always wanted someone to go shopping with.
• Do you think you’re going to Hell?
• Do you wish you were a woman?
• What’s anal sex like?
• Have you ever slept with a woman?
• Do you get turned on by the smell of shit?
• Who is the boy and the girl in your relationship?
• Were you molested as a child?
• Can you not kiss around my children?

28. I just can, okay?

“How can you be Hispanic and Jewish?”

This was asked to me by a coworker while I was interning, at age 19.

29. You did not just ask me that

I was out for dinner with a friend of mine, his dad, and the guy that had fixed his car. The guy who fixed his car asked how we knew each other and my friend answered that we met while studying abroad. Then the dude asked “You studied abroad and that’s the one you picked?!”

Thanks bud. You’re a real catch yourself.

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