I was on a flight that had to be diverted because a man began having a heart attack. The passenger across the aisle yelled at the flight attendant because she was going to miss her connecting flight because of the delay – so I laid into her. Insensitive bitch.
I once witnessed a woman lay her toddler on the aisle and proceed to change his diaper. This was during boarding. I was gobsmacked.
33. Justice served
My mom always tells this crazy story from her many days flying first class.
Two years ago she was on a plane that had just boarded and was sitting on the tarmac about to pull away from the gate. Sitting next to my mom was a typical business guy asshat who was on a phone call yelling at someone on the other end. A very nice flight attendant comes over, leans over my mom and says “Sir, you’re going to have to turn the phone off, the cabin doors are closed.” (Of course if this was economy class she would have been more forceful, but she gives him a small warning)
The guy quiets down but he does not get off his phone. At this point the flight attendants are doing the safety protocol speech as the plane backs up and all of the sudden the guy starts yelling again on the phone. Another flight attendant, this time more forceful tells him to turn off the phone. The man turns to her and says “Fuck you.” She gives this ‘humph’ face and then turns and goes out of sight.
It is at this point of the story that my mom reminds everyone listening that many pilots are veterans, they are military men and do not take that type of crap from asshats. My mom hears a door slam open and out of the cockpit comes the pilot. He is so angry you can see the veins on his face. His eyes bulge as he yells in rage, “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?!!? This is my aircraft and in case of an emergency I expect every passenger to follow the commands of my air staff. You disrespecting her, disrespects me and puts every person on this plane at risk!”
The asshat now being borne down upon by this massive angry ex-soldier cowers, puts away his phone and stammers an apology. Without missing a beat the pilot continues “You can take your sorry and shove it! You are not going anywhere! It is a federal crime to disobey an order from your air crew and you can tell whoever was so gawd-damn important on the other end of the phone call that fact after you talk to TSA.” The pilot goes back into the cockpit, pulls the plane back to the gate. Some uniformed police come in and take the guy off.
Dead silence on the plane. As my mom always closes the story, “As god is my witness, everyone in unison takes out their phone, waves it in the air and shows that it is clearly in the off position,” just like the “tickets” scene from Indiana Jones.
TLDR: You mess with the flight attendant and you mess with a pissed off pilot.