Happiness and heartache are not supposed to co-exist inside of us.
Right? That’s what we’re constantly being told.
Emotions are supposed to be cohesive. Stories are meant to have a beginning, a middle and an end.
The beginning of missing someone. The middle of finding your way, your path, yourself. The end of missing. The beginning of belonging only to yourself and your experiences. The neatly packed ending, when your heart is entirely whole.
We’re told that life will follow these elementary scripts. And if they don’t, we assume that it means we’re still broken. That we must not be at the end or in the middle after all – that as long as we’re hurting or missing someone, we are failing.
Our lives must be either all good and successful, or all broken-down and treacherous.
And the problem with this narrative is that it’s bullshit.
It is 100% possible to be completely in love with your life, but still miss someone who left it like crazy.
It’s possible to be happy to wake up every morning, to enjoy your day-to-day routine, to be excited about future plans and content with past memories, but still wish that someone was there to accompany you through them.
It’s possible to accept yourself fully, to appreciate your interpersonal relationships entirely, to thrive in every aspect of the phrase, but still feel the dull, pervasive ache of loving someone who isn’t a part of your life anymore.
Heartache doesn’t have to be steering your whole life in order to be along for the ride. Sometimes we just find it sitting there, patiently, in the backseat.
Reminding us that it would be nice to have someone to call when the good news rolled in. That our already bountiful lives have the potential to be even fuller. That our potential for connection isn’t being fully realized right now – but that it probably will be, someday.
That the emptiness inside of us theorizes the potential for fullness. And that’s not a bad thing to keep in mind.
Because heartache isn’t necessarily negative.
It doesn’t make you a failure to miss someone. And it doesn’t make the life you have without them any less bountiful, impressive or meaningful.
All heartache means is that you’ve put yourself out there in the past. You’ve allowed yourself to feel, to fall, and to be broken wide open at the end of it.
All heartache means is that you are as daring and as bold with your heart as you are with your dreams and ambitions and plans. That you tried for something that mattered once. That you’re likely to do so again.
An that boldness is a trait that only shows up in the happiest of people. The ones who know how to keep their worlds smoothly revolving, even when pain and heartbreak rears its head. The people who know that sadness isn’t the end of their journey. That in many cases, it’s the very thing that propels it forward.
It is entirely possible to love your life in almost every way, and still miss someone like hell.
If anything, this is when we know that our love for someone is and has been the most honest – when we want them there not just to support us, but to celebrate with us.
To love life with us. To make plans with us. To grow into bigger, better versions of ourselves alongside them.
Because if you cannot be happy without someone, chances are you cannot be happy with them, either.
So if you’re happy, thriving and fulfilled, but also missing someone every now and then, congratulations. You’re on an honest path. An open-hearted path. Dare I say it, the right path.
The path that’s going to keep driving you full-speed towards the life you love — while heartache eventually slides quietly, unnoticed, out the back door.