The ESTP is cunning and swift enough to survive a horror movie, but they’re also impulsive to a fault. They’re the first to go investigate the strange sound coming from the basement, and are therefore the first one to die.
In their usual fashion of refusing to process anything remotely negative, the ENFP would fail to acknowledge the impending danger in a horror movie and get ruthlessly murdered while singing show tunes in the shower. It will be the reminder the other characters need to get their asses in gear about the killer on the loose.
The INTJ isn’t the actual killer but they’re the person everyone suspects to be the killer from the get-go. They’re murdered in an anxious fit by the ESFP, who spends the rest of the movie crying into the INFJ’s arms over their misguided crime of passion.
The ENFJ assumes a natural leadership role in every horror movie, due to their inhuman ability to calm others down during a crisis. They are unlikely to die, but their love interest definitely will. The leader’s love interest is never, ever safe.
The INTP is the troubled child in every horror movie whose parents are worried about him because he spends all of his time in his room tinkering with robots. In reality, the INTP always breaks out a secret device that saves the day when everyone else is least expecting it. Way to go INTP baby genius.
The ESFP accidentally murders an innocent party early on in the horror movie and later sacrifices themselves out of guilt. You were only doing what you thought was right at the time, ESFP.
The INFP knows that the killer isn’t really a bad person, they’re just misunderstood and in need of human connection. Problematically, the killer actually is a bad person and the INFP gets murdered by them almost immediately.
The ESFJ dies protecting their INTP son when everyone else thinks he’s the killer. Everyone knows that all movie moms are ESFJs.
The ESTJ doesn’t die immediately in a horror movie but their ego does get the best of them eventually. After scraping through a few near-death scenarios they start getting cocky – and die showing off their lack of caution.
The ENTJ is always the twisted authority figure in the horror movie. They aren’t the actual killer but they’re nonetheless shot in the name of justice by a vigilante ISTJ who’s had enough.
An ENTP seems like everyone’s best chance at survival for at least the first 45 minutes of the movie, until they get overly confident and die in a scheme of their own making. You tried, ENTP, you tried.
The ISFP survives the horror movie ironically. Despite their timid nature, their relationship with the no-nonsense ISTJ turns out to be beneficial. And of course they have a moment of blazing courage near the end of the film, because we all want to root for the underdog.
The INFJ fares surprisingly well in a horror movie, until the story needs a martyr. And then the INFJ is volunteering themselves to die faster than Katniss Everdeen at a Hunger Games reaping.
If anyone can survive a horror movie it’s the ISTP. They’re secretive, cunning, reactive and agile. Too bad they often turn out to be the killer’s accomplice. If only they’d use their powers for good.
The ISTJ always survives the horror movie. They’re cautious to a fault, they trust no one and they aren’t afraid to do what needs to be done in the name of self-preservation. They’re the one holding the traumatized group together years after the horror has passed.
The ISFJ is the killer in every horror movie, because it’s always the well-meaning character you’d never suspect. They usually developed an alter-ego to deal with their spouse’s cheating or something to that effect. Never trust the ISFJ in a horror movie.* You’ve been warned.
*You can continue to trust ISFJs in real life.