It seems ridiculous to lament over having an abundance of passion.
After all, others go their whole lives feeling uninspired. They envy the fire, the passion, the intensity that those around them possess. They wish for the courage to pursue what they want out of life. They envy those who don’t hold themselves back.
And yet there are two sides to every coin. And those who were born with an insatiable lust for the world that surrounds them know both sides.
They know the pull between the wild and the tame. They know the exhaustion that accompanies the constant need for stimulation. They know that no matter how glamorous, how exhilarating, how rich and full their lives become, there is always going to be a part of themselves that they secretly wish they could quell.
I don’t think there’s a person among us who hasn’t wished – at one point or another – that they could simply take a break from their own minds.
I have an undeniable passion for life. I have an insatiable lust for exploration. The longer I go without divulging in my own need for novelty, for opportunity, for the wild and bold and wholly messy experience of living, the more listless and lifeless I become.
I need chaos to keep myself thriving. I need exploration to facilitate growth. I need to be moving at ten hundred thousand miles an hour to feel as though I’m going anywhere at all and on the best of days I like that about myself.
But on the worst days I absolutely hate it. And I wish that I could book a good, long vacation from my own mind.
As much as I loathe stability in practice, there’s something so damn appealing about it in theory.
I like the idea of a 9-5 job, a stable relationship and an otherwise predictable routine. I desperately want to be happy within the confines of the suburban lifestyle I was raised in.
But I’m not. And I never will be. Because I was born with a mind that’s always lusted for more.
More adventure. More opportunity. More exploration, more intensity, more thrill. I want to explore every avenue that is available to me. I want to run down every open road I find. I want to push the limits of the alluring, the intoxicating, the fascinating opportunities that are presented to us throughout the course of our lives.
The opportunities so few people take. Because they are inherently laden with risk.
No matter how long and hard I try to run from the chaos that governs my mind, I can never seem to keep it down for long. I have an insatiable lust for the world around me. And I don’t think that lust ever winds itself down.
And so what do we do then, when the pull of the unknown is always going to be just that much stronger than the pull of the safe and familiar?
We can fight it. We can run from it. We can try desperately to fit ourselves into smaller, meeker, quieter versions of ourselves.
Or we can just let the exhaustion overcome us. We can run hard and fast and strong for years on end, until we inevitably need to take a break. From ourselves. From our lifestyle. From our habit of charging in full-force.
And then when we’re ready, we pick up the reigns once again. We turn back to the life we’ve always loved. The passion that’s always driven us. The lust that’s always defined the very core of who we are.
And we give ourselves permission to charge boldly forwards, one more time.
And always one more time.