How To Tell If An INTP Likes You (As Told By 20 INTPs)

INTPs are known for being a wee bit aloof when it comes to matters of the heart. As a result, it can be difficult to decipher when this introverted type likes you as more than just a friend. Below, 20 INTPs explain how they’re likely to behave when they’re interested in someone romantically.

1. “INTP’s are pretty easy to read, but basically if we spend more than the necessary time with you and make time to hang out with you that’s a good sign. We aren’t known to flirt all that much, but if I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you that’s usually a good sign I’m interested.”

2. “If other INTPs are like me, I feel sorry for anyone trying to figure this out. I am more likely to go out of my way to be social. With others that I like as friends, I try to be social but am more likely to get sidetracked and forget to do so consistently. Also, with most people, even friends, I suck at keeping track of little details that more people-oriented people just seem to absorb naturally. If I am interested in someone, I am more likely to pay attention and collect all those little details about a person. I guess you could say if I am interested in someone, they become a fascinating subject to study.”

3. “I tend to make an effort to talk to them and get to know them. I try to initiate hanging out and I am genuinely interested in their interests.”

4. “If I respond to your texts/FB messages fairly quickly, there is a 50% chance I like you. If I smile a lot when I’m around you, there’s a pretty good chance I like you. Also, I like bantering with people, so it’s not necessarily a sign I like a person, but if you can banter well, then there’s a high chance you are the type of person I like. Don’t always look to the most common signs. I find extended eye contact really difficult when I like a person, so don’t count on that. Also, don’t expect me to be touchy flirty. I’m not sure if other NT females can relate to this, but I have read many articles on ‘how to show a guy you like him’ because the normal social cues don’t come naturally to me.”

5. “When I like someone I answer their text messages. I smile back at them. I wait for them to make a move and then act on it. Yeah, not like I’m going to initiate anything myself really.. I’ll creep around their house in secret (getting nowhere) rather than try to find out whether they like me back (possibly getting somewhere, but also possible failure)!”

6. “When someone piques my romantic interest, first I daydream – but surprisingly that usually doesn’t work. Then I try to find ways to be around them; if she’s at work I might show up at her desk from time to time asking for a stapler or if she could forward me that email that I clearly also got.

After all the pleasantries, I try to find out as much about them as I can. Do they like books, movies, music? Are they an existentialist or a logical positivist? You know, the normal stuff. Once I figure it out, then I start making recommendations, playlists, mixtapes if I’m feeling old-school. If we begin to connect around a similar interest then I might actually set up a date outside of my head to go the book-signing of that author we really like, or that concert for our favorite artist coming to town.

In short, INTPs treat their love interest the same way they treat everything else: with ravenous curiosity. If they’re not constantly asking you questions, trying to find out more about you, then either they don’t find you interesting or their just shy. If you think the latter is the case, then start asking them some good questions and they will immediately light up. Nothing turns us on more than a stimulating conversation.”

7. “I show someone I like them by flirting with them. Giving them compliments, sometimes even asking them out! Although, to be honest, when I flirt, I either lay it on too thick, or go way too subtle that the person doesn’t even notice. There is no in between, unfortunately.”

8. “It’s really hard for me to show someone I’m romantically interested in that I like them. I try not to make it super obvious that I like them in case it weirds them out. If I lIke someone though, I do try harder to spend time with them than I normally would if I wasn’t interested in them.”

9. “When I like someone I do extensive research about them. I try to get to know as much as I can about them. Some of this is through asking them about their interests, some is just through, well, internet stalking and observing how they behave over a period of time.”

10. “I take a lot of interest in them, even in a simple form as liking their update in Facebook or other social medias. Because basically, INTPs really don’t care about anything beyond our curiosity. So if we like you, we will portray great curiosity with our every little actions. We asked even most silly little questions just to know you better. And last but not least, we keep lots of eye contact which is hard to do normally.”

11. “I show someone I like them by talking to them, learning about their interests and probing their mind for clues as to their intelligence and worldview.”

12. “I wouldn’t try to positively ‘convey’ my interest to someone until I was pretty certain that they liked me back, because I can’t think of anything more embarrassing and excruciatingly awkward than letting someone know I liked them and it turning out that they didn’t think of me in the same way. Until I got to that point though, I would go out of my way to be around that person and talk to them. I would actually take initiative in organising for us to hang out, because usually I NEVER do that, even with close friends. I might frequently start conversations with them on Facebook for no other reason than that I feel like talking to them and connecting with them. Generally if it appears that I show more interest in you than ‘you’re a person whom I know and am not uncomfortable being around’ then it’s a pretty good indication that I’m into you.”

13. “I show I like someone by taking an interest in one of their interests, so that we have common ground.”

14. “I make an extra effort to learn about them. In general, I enjoy deep talk over small talk, and I want to know people’s deeper thoughts/feelings about important life topics. This is especially so for someone I am interested in, and I will take extra time to sit with them, ask them, and listen. I would write them little (handwritten) notes, and go out of my way to make sure their needs and wants are met. I give my witty and punny banter a slight tone of flirtatious/with bigger smiles laughter. I’ll do creative things that I think would be special for you, like creating a Lord of the Rings themed riddle scavenger hunt for your birthday to find your gift at the end (true story). Primarily, all of my actions toward you will be only meaningful. Be it my spoken or written words, my small gifts or my questions, the way I guide the conversation–all even more carefully thought out than my daily life.”

15. “I listen to what they are saying, trying to memorize everything for later. I try to show interest in what is being said. Additionally I try to talk about things I think they may be interested in, although this sometimes is just me talking about random things.”

16. “I will actually initiate things first. I’ll text first, ask to hang out, show physical affection, etc. Otherwise, it’s always their move.”

17. “It’s sometimes hard for me, as an INTP, to know if I’m romantically interested in someone or if I just think they are brilliant. But generally if – and I mean if – I am interested in someone, I try to learn about things they enjoy so I can talk about it with them. It’s a big deal for me to mold to someone else’s interests and I always hope they understand how big of a deal that is. So far, no dice… and no significant other…”

18. “I almost never initiate hanging out one-on-one with people, so if I do that with you – and you are not already one of my closest friends or someone I spend a lot of time with – that is the surest sign that I like you.”

19. “When I like someone I will try to understand their interests and become knowledgeable in topics they enjoy talking about or I know they are passionate towards.”

20. “I think about it long and hard, trying to discern if my feeling are real. If I come to the conclusion that they are I’m not hesitate to make the first move- if I know the other person is into me. When I like someone I can and will talk to them about everything, I may ask their advice on emotional issues and seek affirmation from them. My knowledge would always be at their disposal. When I like someone I find every opportunity to “bump into” them, I might leave discreet comments about their style/appearance (this may seem trivial but I’m a person that rarely takes notice to such things). In the day to day I prefer to stay fairly nutreul but from someone I love I would show my darkest and lightest sides. On a final note, loving someone like me may be extremely difficult at times as I tend to be hard headed and shut people out, but I’m in it for the long haul.”