How To Tell If An INFJ Likes You (As Told By 32 INFJs)

"My biggest tell when it comes to liking someone is my willingness to open up to the person."

Updated 11 months ago, January 16, 2024

INFJs are known for being friendly and kind-hearted, but secretive about their emotions. As a result, it can be difficult to decipher when and if this type likes you as more than just a friend. Below, 32 INFJs elaborate on how you might know if they are interested in you romantically.

1. “If someone I truly like asks me to go hang out with them in maybe an hour, I will say yes. When people want to hang out with me I usually need lots of time (at least a few days) to get myself mentally prepared. But if someone I really like (especially if I know them well and trust them) asks me to spend time with them without a ton of notice beforehand, I will likely say yes (unless I had something planned that day that I can’t miss).”

2. “I covet time, so if I’m spending lots of time with a guy, then it means I’m interested. I’ll share my music, the songs that means the most to me, the songs that bring me to tears and make me feel like I’m exposing a piece of my soul.”

3. “If I like someone, I will usually tell them eventually. In the meantime, I show it through actions, words and affection. I don’t hide my feelings or play games. If I like you, you’ll know and even if you don’t feel the same, my feelings won’t necessarily change.”

4. “I become pretty protective of the people I like. Like if someone would hurt them, I’d go on a warpath to seek retribution. Or… I’d gently tuck the shirt tag back in the shirt if it’s poking out. I’m basically a meat shield that protects against cruelty, drink spills and making sure they don’t step in dog poop.”

5. “It’s very subtle, I am willing to spend more time with them even if I have other priorities lined up. I start anticipating their wants and needs and try to fulfill it subtlety. I try to bring out the best in them by bringing out the best in myself.”

6. “I’m easily embarrassed so I try not to be obvious about it (I don’t know if that’s an INFJ thing or just a shy thing). But it’s a fair bet that I’ll like you or be more interested in you if you are an extroverted/intuitive type. I’ll probably hold you to a higher standard than I hold everyone else. So I might get annoyed about something that if it had been a different person who did the same thing, I would shrug it off. Other than that, you can guess that I like you because I’ll try to spend more time around you and go out of my way to talk to you or help you.”

7. “I generally don’t explicitly state it any way. I’m too shy, anxiousness and generally scared. Though it would probably show in my behavior. I’m likely to be in a particularly good mood around them and to just generally hang around them and try to start conversions. Though paradoxically the fear comes in and end up trying to compensate for that by also avoiding them. So I guess inconsistent behavior is a good clue.”

8. “When I like someone I spend a lot of time with that person talking about their deepest hopes, joys and fears. I want to connect with that person, I want them to know that I value who they are from the core of their being.”

9. “You talk to them above all others. Instead of inviting your best friend to see that new movie, you invite this person and then have coffee after. You ask them about their life and future and tell yours in return. Spending time with them and all the smiles you give them should make your crush seem obvious. Aside from our closest friends, you won’t see this sort of behavior towards anyone else.”

10. “I’m super slow when it comes to initiation anything, when it comes to relationships. When it comes to showing romantic interest, I wouldn’t say I’m very adept at flirting… I usually try to watch that person from afar, and if I want to get to know them more, I’ll attempt to form a friendship. When I’m crazy about someone, I usually get really awkward around them. I become more cautious of what I say and do.”

11. “I have never gone after someone that I didn’t already know through a friend or group of friends. I have always conveniently and subtlety planned to attend outings/get-togethers where the person will be involved. I have never made the first move, but after a while of hanging out with them, they catch on to my crush and make the first move themselves.”

12. “Humor is my main thing. I crack a lot of silly jokes. I also try to be there for the person in whom I’m interested, to encourage them and just spend time with them. I’m a hugger, too, so I always get a little hug in there. I just want to enjoy the person’s company and make them laugh and make them feel good. If they’re happy, so am I.”

13. “It’s going to be fairly obvious. I’m not much for games and my emotions are usually very close to the surface. If I initiate contact or conversation when I don’t have to, it’s because I’m interested. Otherwise, I’d be doing my best to hide and avoid.”

14. “I make personal jokes with them. I slowly reveal more of my thoughts. I spend time with them rather than avoiding the person. Because I can actually bear it, I make an effort to touch them rather than recoiling from their touch (as I do when I’m not interested in someone). But importantly, and unfortunately, I will almost always wait for them to show interest in me first – I need to be certain of this and also know that it’s strong and genuine before I give anything of myself.”

15. “I laugh a lot at their jokes and try to be around them as much as possible. I ask them a lot of questions, about everything (from the mundane to the really philosophical and/ or existential) – to try to get to know them as much as possible. I try to surreptitiously ask around about them – to make sure they are ‘decent’, especially if we have any mutual friends.”

16. “Patience. I’ll deal with whatever they throw my way and make sure they don’t see me struggle or flinch. I also start challenging/testing people more and more instead of just being passive and sweet.”

17. “If I want them to know I’m open and interested, I’ll give them my undivided attention when they’re speaking to me. This will come easy, because if I’ve even gotten to this point of romantic interest in the first place, it’s because I’m already incredibly interested in who they are and already like their mind and sense of humor. I’ll be a little more playful than usual in conversation and might touch their arm lightly as we speak, or as I’m greeting them or saying goodbye (as some people seem to do more naturally/commonly, but for me it means a lot because I’m not typically very physical/touchy). These two things (playfulness and touch) are probably the main things that will give me away to people who know me well.”

18. “I wouldn’t go upfront and tell him that I like him. But I would offer to help him in whatever he needs. Sort of to give him the opportunity to get to know me and work with me and hopefully like me back! If I do sense that he likes me, I would offer more of my help and take an interest in his hobbies so that I can communicate with him better. Also, I would give him lots of compliments.”

19. “When I laugh at ALL your jokes–the corny, obvious and lame ones included–it’s a pretty good sign I’m romantically interested. Also, teasing/ making fun of you. I don’t know why I do this one, but I do.”

20. “My biggest tell when it comes to liking someone is my willingness to open up to the person — despite it probably coming out either awkward or uncomfortable, due to how rare it is for me to open up like that. Another one is spending extended amounts of time with you! And actually enjoying your company and being hesitant to leave, as opposed to getting really annoyed with the person and feeling claustrophobic. In general, I will only have one person I’m really close to and spend consistent time with, so if you realize that that person for me has all of sudden become you then… I definitely like you, probably am in love with you, though it may not objectively appear so.”

21. “If I compliment you or do nice things for you, I like you. If I get out of my introverted habits and invite you to things, I like you. I ESPECIALLY like you if I talk to you and only you at some sort of event or party- like those really intense, fun, deep, talks looking into each other’s eyes.”

22. “If I like someone, I give them second and third and fourth chances to prove themselves.”

23. “Few things are as difficult as expressing interest, or even being interested, in someone. If I seem nervous or more quiet around you than I am around other people, then I probably like you. If my normally laid back demeanour is more neurotic, or I have trouble conversing with you, then I definitely like you. At best, I’ll resort to the childish give-aways of ‘teasing’ (insulting) the object of my affection, but most people tell me it all comes down to my gaze.”

24. “I show someone I’m romantically interested in them by getting close to them. Essentially I become best friends with my crush, because emotional intimacy is very important to me. I try my best to make them feel understood and loved.”

25.“Usually I let others initiate most interactions, but if I really like you I will go out of my way to talk to you first, particularly about something we have common ground on. And if I can get away with it I’ll be pretty sarcastic and poke at them a bit.”

26. “I make a lot of eye contact, find ways to speak with them one-on-one and laugh with them, and will maybe even add subtle touches (like sitting close to them with legs or shoulders touching). It’s embarrassing to look back at the times I put myself out there like that because I tend to be a bit more reserved in emotional vulnerability, but when I like someone, I try to show it.”

27. “I ask you how your day was. I share little bits and pieces of my life with you, even though I’m otherwise well-known for being quite reserved. I talk to you daily and want to hang out a lot, even when I feel like other people would just drain me. I always laugh at your jokes even though I think they’re stupid. I ask for your opinion and always try to make you happy. Well, it’s either that, or I don’t initiate anything at all and try to keep my distance to you; because I’d be so damn ashamed if it turned out you weren’t interested in me, and I’m too proud and fragile to handle that kind of rejection.”

28. “I show my interest by listening carefully and giving them my undivided attention. I lean towards them while talking or may put an arm on their shoulder, which is saying something, as INFJs normally like their personal space.”

29. “I normally wouldn’t show my interest at all. I probably wouldn’t even initiate conversation, unless the other party did. I would most likely be quietly observing the individual, but might be mistaken as being aloof and cold. Friendly conversation would take place eventually should the individual be interested to talk to me or include me in his social group or activities. I’m not good at flirting at all honestly, but I’m better at social situations when I’m thoroughly engaged with the conversation topic and/or comfortable with the group I’m with.”

30. “I try to ask many questions about themselves some to most are quite deep and are about who they are, I also occasionally indirectly shower them will compliments, and lastly, I would always try to give them reassuring words and comforting words to show how much I care for them.”

31. “It’s very difficult for people to tell when I like them, because for some reason my default expression is to be as subtle as possible, even though it’s counterproductive. If you could look in my mind, though, you’d see that I’m thinking about this person constantly–things you said, things you meant, what you’re up to at that moment, what your goals and dreams might be, etc. I prep for hypothetical conversations that I might have with you, or I imagine the next time we might cross paths. But externally, you wouldn’t know this. I think the one clue that might give it away is that if the person I like initiates anything with me, I’m all in. My attention is 100% devoted to that one person. Whereas if you sense even the tiniest bit of resistance or disinterest from me to you, I probably don’t like you as anything more than a friend.”

32. “I actually want to spend time with them! I’ll put aside normal things in my routine in order to do something spontaneous with them–which is super rare. As an INFJ, my routine is sacred to me, and doing something spontaneous–even such as hanging out with someone the same day that they ask to hang out instead of planning it at least a few days ahead…that means I’m really interested in them. Also, if I show up around them as my “true self” (at least, the truest I feel around people in my trusted circle) instead of just showing up as parts of me that I pick and choose to want to portray.”