This week on my MBTI Facebook Page, I asked each type to share a personal epiphany they’d had that had significantly impacted their lives. Here’s what 25 INFPs had to say about the particular piece of wisdom that turned things around for them.
1. “I realized that we, as adults, are no better than children in any respect. We’re just further down the road. Most, if not all, of the shortcomings that adults think children have come from how young they are. We have a lot to learn from children.”
2. “While I’m sure this is something that most everyone grows to understand to some degree, the realization that really shaped me is that more often than not people do you harm not out of malice, but because they don’t know any better. They were socialized a certain way, they grew to hold certain values because of that. They may lack the mental or psychological capabilities to try to understand as much about you.”
3. “Having the capacity to feel everything so deeply often leads to being misunderstood. It’s a frustrating fact of life that some people may never see things the same way I do; not because they don’t want to, but because they simply aren’t capable of doing so.”
4. “An important realization for me has been that I can’t let my high (and often unrealistic) expectations stand in the way of appreciating what I do have. I spent a long time being unhappy because my reality didn’t match up to my fantasies.”
5. “It is very hard to convince myself that not everyone is going to give a shit about your dreams or two cents. It is even harder to deny that the world is uncaring about one small person’s opinion. Nevertheless, I try not to let those ‘harsh facts’ get in the way of my giving nature (albeit now I have learned that there should be discretion to providing for others).”
6. “Sometimes it is not a matter of whether someone deserves help, it is perhaps the lack thereof that may also be the very help they need.”
7. “One of my greatest realizations was actually a quote by Anaïs Nin: ‘You cannot save people. You can only love them.’ It’s really helped me.”
8. “A friend saved my life, giving me The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. These insights bring me strength, hope and love. Truly living in the present moment frees you immediately from fear, stress, negativity. It’s freedom and pure joy to be alive. I can’t imagine living without the realization that my life is only here and now. And the depth is infinite. Some notable quotations from the book:
‘The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.’
‘Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.’
‘Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.’
‘To love is to recognize yourself in another.’
9. “The longest relationship you have is with yourself, so be kind. I’m still working on it, but I’m trying to be more loving and patient with myself.”
10. “People are not perfect. No human has the capacity to hold another persons dreams, identity, hope, and fears. When we place this kind of emotional burden on someone, we will always be left disappointed and they will be left exasperated. Instead, our aim should be to love and give and serve. Somehow, paradoxically, when we give of ourselves instead of idolizing what others give us, we are left less burdened and more free than before.”
11. “I can control my emotions. Depression is not all I am.”
12. “I’ve come to realize that my reserved personality – with people I’m not close with yet – is completely okay; it’s not a problem I need to work on. I learned that not being ready to tell someone my deepest thoughts and feelings didn’t mean that I was faking affection. I learned that it’s okay to have certain feelings and moments with myself. I don’t need to spill the contents of my mind or heart with other people, even if they’re best friends or significant others.”
13. “We are humans and we make mistakes, we have to remember that about everyone specially about our love ones.”
14. “Regarding insecurity and people pleasing: As I have gotten older, I have realized that people really are not thinking badly of me or judging me…mostly because they are so wrapped up in their own lives a lot more than I originally thought and they are not thinking of me at all, positively or negatively. Like not at all.”
15. “You don’t have to be nice all the time to be a good person.”
16. “The realisation that there is no predefined meaning or order to our lives. A form of nihilism which hit me, making me realise the redundancy of all our actions and the insignificance of our lives. For someone who’s whole life has been driven by meaning, to realise that there is no meaning to life was a hard hit to take. Also the realisation that morality is man made and subjective. Right or wrong is whatever we’ve made it out to be through the course of human evolution. For an Fi dominant, this realisation makes one feel like their whole life has been a lie.”
17. “I spent so much time and effort and energy to find a purpose in life. I still want to find meaning but I had a realisation that having everything be purposeful is actually not a good thing for me. I have seen people who do all things deliberately, everything is with a purpose. Every single step they make has a purpose. Then it got me thinking. Why do I want a purpose so much? Isn’t life good as an exploration? Trying new things, moving from places to places?”
18. “You’re exactly where you need to be.”
19. “It’s okay to be who/how you are.” That’s the realization I had when I first discovered MBTI. It put words to parts of myself I’d never been able to describe, and it has given me much more confidence in the 10 years since it happened. Even though it just describes how I observe and make decisions, it was extremely validating!”
20. “Sometimes someone would point out to me that something I did is considered weird. Which is confusing to me because I see it as something normal. It happened many times and it made me feel insecure. I would second guess myself a lot more. Then one day I realised that what makes sense to me, doesn’t always make sense to others (and vice versa). Each of us has a different standard of normality and weirdness. That made me feel better because now I know I’m not broken, we all just have different standards.”
21. “The most terrifying yet liberating thing I’ve come to find out is that you can’t make anyone love you.”
22. “Complete silence during a conversation with another person does not have to be weird. It’s better than forced and uninteresting small talk. If the other person is really that interesting, stimulating stuff will come up to the conversation naturally, allowing both to get to know each other in a deeper way. If things don’t go that way, well… that’s one less person to interact with, which is not a bad thing.”
23. “Through the rear view mirror of life I have figured out which MBTI types my exes were, and that has helped me to better understand our relationships. It also has helped end my longing for some of them.”
24. “While I may balk at planning things (feeling trapped in concrete), most people feel more comfortable knowing what to expect. The epiphany within this is: plans can always be changed (especially if they are written in pencil). The important thing is to have one. My professional leadership, marriage, and personal relationships have all benefited from having more structure.”
25. “My sensitivities do not make me weak. My emotions make this world vibrant, new, and open for my exploration. My heart drives my passions and gives me purpose. These are things that others may say make me vulnerable and an easy target, but once I accepted these things about myself and shoved my self-doubt aside, I found myself more confident and capable than ever. I find immense pain, immense joy and immense meaning in every part of this big wide world, and there is nothing weak about that.”
