The ENFP’s Guide To Dating Other Idealist Types

Idealist personality types – namely ENFPs, ENFJs, INFPs and INFJs – all share a passion for abstract analysis and feel most comfortable making decisions based on how they feel about a given situation. It’s easy to assume that any of these types would jive well together – but that’s not necessarily the case. As an ENFP, here’s which idealist types you should love, marry and absolutely avoid.

Darin Kim
Darin Kim


Despite sharing three of the same letters, ENFPs and ENFJs have no cognitive functions in common. These types may have common interests and may even appear similar on a surface level, but their modes of reasoning are entirely opposite. For this pairing to work, one partner would always have to be working from their auxiliary function, which would quickly exhaust whoever was doing so.

Strengths of this pairing: Both types are abstract thinkers who make decisions based on how they feel about a situation rather than on cold, hard logic. At best, the ENFJ can provide structure for the ENFP and the ENFP can bring a creative spark to the ENFJ’s life as they pursue mutual goals.

Potential pitfalls of this pairing: ENFP may view the ENFJ as judgmental and overly rigid, while ENFJ may view the ENFP as a scattered or less mature version of themselves. Both types might see just enough of themselves in the other to think that they can change them – which either type would respectively resent.

Verdict: Not a great romantic pairing – it is likely to give way to resentment over time. This combination works better for friendships.


These two types share all of the same cognitive functions, in only a slightly different order. This allows for an incredible ease of understanding between the two types and a bond is often quick to form between ENFPs and INFPs. These two types usually become quite close quite quickly, but the relationship is prone to competitiveness over time.

Strengths of this pairing: These types tend to understand one another with ease, feel stimulated through mutual conversation and experience a high level of comfort in each other’s presence. The ENFP can help pull the INFP out of their head and engage their extroverted intuition when needed, whereas the INFP can ground the ENFP and help them to work through their feelings when they’re having trouble doing so alone.

Potential pitfalls of this pairing: Two introverted feelers in one relationship tends to lead to feelings of competition. Both types want to be the “star” of their relationship when it comes to creativity and passion, and may feel threatened by the other. At worst the INFP may be overwhelmed by the ENFP’s high energy level and view them as shallow or not set in their morals and the ENFP may view the INFP as overly sensitive and unable to deal with practical matters.

Verdict: Not a bad pairing. If both partners are highly comfortable with their dominant and auxiliary function, this can be a highly satisfying and relatively beneficial pairing.


All the same cognitive functions in all the same order? What a party! … Right?

Right. ENFP-ENFP pairings actually have the potential to give way to a highly satisfying relationship, so long as both partners are comfortable with themselves entering the relationship. These types understand one another on an instinctive level and have very little trouble understanding where the other is coming from when a conflict arises. That being said, the relationship is primed for competition. In order to make it work, both partners have to commit to being humble and supportive of their partner’s ambitions. And someone has to remember to pay the bills at least some of the time.

Strengths of this pairing: These types understand one another intuitively, maintain a similar energy level, value self-improvement and finally feel as though they’ve found someone they’re on the same page with. At best, these types foster a deep connection that makes them feel at home with each other almost effortlessly.

Potential pitfalls of this pairing: Because of the similarity between these partners, if one has a particular insecurity, they will most likely see it in their partner and be disgusted by it. On the flip side, these partners may be too accepting of one another, and forget to challenge or push each other to grow, in or outside of the relationship. Their natural tendencies won’t balance each other out, so certain tasks will always be a strain on both parties.

Verdict: Go for it! Depending on what you’re looking for. If you want the ultimate challenge in a partner, probably pass up the ENFP-ENFP pairing. But if you’re looking for a partner in crime who understands you to the core, choose the ENFP. It has the potential to be a perfectly blissful relationship.


Although these types share absolutely zero cognitive functions, their stackings mirror one another’s – they both use their intuition function first, their feeling function second, their thinking function third and their sensing function fourth. This means they are able to provide unique perspectives on similar issues to one another – these types tend to be fascinated by each other and get along quite swimmingly once they come to understand what makes the other tick.

Strengths of this pairing: These types balance one another out immaculately. The INFJ tends to appreciate the ENFP’s optimistic nature, open-mindedness and strong ambition. The ENFP in turn appreciates the INFJ’s grounded attitude, analytical nature and their ability to turn dreams into concrete plans. These types tend to see each other’s “blind spots” which means they can push each other to grow in ways that would not be immediately apparent to the other partner. This has the potential to be a relationship that fosters a great amount of development and a high level of satisfaction for both parties.

Potential pitfalls of this pairing: I’m just going to put this out there – most people who claim to be INFJs are actually not INFJs. This is probably the most misdiagnosed type, so be careful. You’re going to have to look at the cognitive functions they’re displaying to figure out whether or not they’re the true match for you. That being said! If you have found yourself a true blue INFJ, here are a few potential struggles:

At worst, the INFJ may see the ENFP as scattered and selfish, whereas the ENFP may see the INFJ as rigid and lacking a backbone (depending on the INFJ’s developmental state of their judging functions).

Verdict: This pairing offers serious potential for a long lasting, highly fulfilling relationship. A true-blue INFJ is one of the ideal romantic matches for the ENFP. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Heidi Priebe explains how to manage the ups, downs and inside-outs of everyday life as an ENFP in her new book available here.


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