Thought Catalog

Read This If You’re Disappointed With The People Around You

  • 0
tanyroyz
tanyroyz

So the people around you let you down.

I’m sorry that you are going through that. I really am. There are few feelings more frustrating than being unsupported when you need support most. Than reaching out and having no one respond. Than slowly falling apart and having nobody around to help keep you together.

I’m sorry that you’re feeling disappointment because it’s an umbrella term for an array of greater agonies. But here’s the truth about disappointment that we all loathe to acknowledge: It has very little to do with whoever let us down. Disappointment is entirely a construction of our own expectations. And no matter how many promises someone else made us, reality has no responsibility to comply with our expectations.

The problem with other people is that they’re never going to understand us as intricately as we understand ourselves. We grow disappointed in the people around us because we use our own definition of love to measure what they are giving out and if it doesn’t match up, we mistake different love for no love. We get lost in translation and find ourselves reeling in pain and disappointment over a massive misunderstanding. It’s an endless, unnecessarily complicated cycle. And it needs to break somewhere.

We have to understand that some people are not meant for complex conversations or contemplating the meaning of our existences or nursing all of our wounds back to health. Some people are never going to show up exactly when we need them to, offer us the exact words we need to hear and comfort us in a way that immediately soothes our aching souls. But that doesn’t mean that those people are not good and kind and well meaning. It does not mean they don’t love us. And, most importantly, it does not mean that they have nothing to offer.

The more we allow ourselves to be disappointed with the people around us, the more we close ourselves off to some of the greatest and most unexpected forms of love. We don’t get control over how anyone else manages his or her affection. We don’t even get to choose where they allocate it. But here’s what we do have control over:

We have control over our reaction to love. We have control over whether or not we recognize that the ride someone gave us to work this morning was love. That the night someone came over and watched a movie with us because they sensed we were upset was love. That the friend who has no idea what advice to offer or what help to give, but who likes our Facebook statuses and invites us over to parties is showing love, in whatever form they know how to show it. We can appreciate those tiny, everyday actions or we can be bitter over them not being enough.

We have control over whether or not we’re going to reach out. We get to choose if we’re going to be bitter and isolated or if we’re going to take hold of whatever chance we have at connection. If we’re going to offer our own love up to others or if we’re going to hoard it away and feel confused when others follow our lead. We get to choose if we make the first move when it comes to connection or if we’re going to be a further part of the problem. If we’re going to be one more person who doesn’t show up when they say they will or reach out when others are in need or who wants to receive love first and give it back only when they’re sure it’s not a risk. We get to decide what kind of love we put out there, even if we cannot control what we get back.

Because at the end of the day, that’s the only thing we have control over – how we manage our own care and affection. If you want proof that the kind of love you want to have exists, you’re going to have to be the proof. You’re going to have to give the kind of love you want to see in the world. You’re going to have to be everybody else’s reassurance that it exists, that it’s all encompassing, that it’s there.

The more we pit our hopes and expectations on what others have to offer, the more we facilitate our own heartbreak. But the more we realize what we do have control over, the more we end up growing into bigger, more encompassing versions of ourselves. Versions that never disappoint. TC mark

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
“The right words at the right moment, this is the kind of book you have to read when your heart is trying to heal.” – Charly
Let go now
Powered by Revcontent

📗 📘🎄 📙 📕

(📚) Hi book nerds! 🤓

“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.” ― Nikita Gill

Use promo code  “christmas” and get three poetry books for only $24.99.

All books are limited edition and NOT available on Amazon. Bring something special home before they sell out. 🎁📗

Click for unique gifts...

More From Thought Catalog

Read This If You’re Disappointed With The People Around You is cataloged in , ,
  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/04/just-be-the-one-who-cares-more/ Just Be The One Who Cares More | Thought Catalog

    […] Should Date A Girl Who Doesn’t Need You Read this: It’s Okay To Not Want To Be Alone Read this: Read This If You’re Disappointed With The People Around You Read this: Here Is What Happens When You Run Away From All Of Your Problems Cataloged […]

  • http://guidingskies.wordpress.com Sophie

    Reblogged this on waiting for a better title.

  • http://cursed.wordpress.com sheehantiffany

    Reblogged this on bittersweet escapades.

  • http://ahhahaokay.wordpress.com Everybody Needs An Escape

    Reblogged this on Everybody Needs An Escape..

  • the frawr

    Reblogged this on [full] of [empty] promises.

  • http://www.somethinggblue.wordpress.com N

    Reblogged this on Hope.

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/05/read-this-if-nobody-texted-you-good-morning/ Read This If Nobody Texted You Good Morning | Thought Catalog

    […] articles like this, follow Heidi on Facebook. Read this: It’s Okay To Not Want To Be Alone Read this: Read This If You’re Disappointed With The People Around You Read this: Just Be The One Who Cares More Cataloged […]

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/05/read-this-if-youre-worried-that-youll-never-find-the-one/ Read This If You’re Worried That You’ll Never Find ‘The One’ | Thought Catalog

    […] If Nobody Texted You Good Morning Read this: The Truth About Meeting Someone At The Wrong Time Read this: Read This If You’re Disappointed With The People Around You Read this: Strong Women Don’t Fall In Love Cataloged […]

  • https://pipayfreemind.wordpress.com/2015/05/27/read-this-if-youre-disappointed-with-the-people-around-you/ Read This If You’re Disappointed With The People Around You | pipayfreemind

    […] Heide Priebe […]

  • leekianboon

    Reblogged this on aaadgfg.

  • https://likeaqiuting.wordpress.com/2015/11/11/super-relatable-article-read-it-if-u-havent/ Super relatable article!!! Read it!!!! (if u haven’t) | q i u t i n g
  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2017/09/intelligent-girls-stay-single-until-someone-worthwhile-comes-along/ Intelligent Girls Stay Single Until Someone Worthwhile Comes Along | Thought Catalog

    […] along. Someone who is unafraid of explaining how he feels and will admit when he’s upset, disappointed, scared. Someone who isn’t embarrassed about crying in front of her or leaning on her when he […]

blog comments powered by Disqus