You And I Will Always Be An ‘Almost’

Henri Pham

Here we go again. One day we’re good. Like a breadth of euphoria in a butterfly garden. Then it just falls back to nothing. Like strangers stagnant and clueless, how sudden. Startled, yet I let myself flow on your rushing waters. Then it goes on. This dull cycle, it still goes on. Was it me? What’s wrong?

I’d get sad and you’ll pull me back.

When the road goes rough, you’ll drive it slow. We took the unfamiliar roads but in you, I got lost the most. Now tell me, who wouldn’t want to keep you? This unknown happiness is overwhelming until it gets tiring. Don’t you get it? We are building bridges for nothing. 

We have reached the highest of the skies, the longest road, and the stiffest peak just for this something we really don’t define. Refrain me from holding on, it fears me. When my heart grow tired, I’ll let go. May this be my hardest fall. It’ll wreck me but it will ease you a load. You stood with me when I needed a voice of reason. Now I need to hear at least one good one to go. 

Am I making sense?

I’ll shred this draft to zero if needed. Or was it me? Was it just me who gives meaning and hoping that presumably there’s something. Was it me? Maybe. 

Maybe I’m too excessive. Over calculating everything. Always over the edge, sometimes not. A little less too much that you can’t handle. Tricky, am I? Vague and somehow restrained, I am. This is getting funny.

I planted roses where you grow your grasses. I thought you’d like it but to my despair, you prefer it lilies. 

The heaviest heart, I carry. I made it the hardest not for anyone to break it. But to you it grew fonder. Softer for you to ruin. 

Look at us stuck on a game of which labyrinth to go. Both of us are playing but which one really wins? No one knows. Here, I am drowning on words I have forsaken.

My greatest sense of depth became my hardest downfall. Suddenly, I’m difficult to read. Seek me. The world has become so heavy, mellow-dramatic and more tragic. Too shallow to be safe, too deep for you to save me. I’m all numb and it hurts so good. Yield, I’ve fallen let me heal.

The last time I checked, I’m actually used to not needing anybody but then you came and I plead. Suddenly, you caught me by storm. Or maybe, maybe I am the storm. I lie devastated. Look at me. Is this the pain of always being your almost? 

Perhaps this is it.

I bid my farewell to that something hanging barely there. 
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