We met at a bar one night and I was immediately intrigued. His eyes were magnetic and his laugh lit up the room. After a couple drinks, we both confessed that neither of us actually wanted to be there that night. His friends had dragged him out and mine and done the same to me. He then suggested something that, coming from any other stranger I would have refused, but from him seemed genuine and caring. Since we lived in the same direction, he suggested we share a cab back that would drop me off at my place then take him to his.
After that night, we kept in touch and began to go on dates regularly. He was charming, funny, incredibly driven and smart, and was always able to keep me on my feet. He asked questions that challenged me. He listened to my work struggles and made suggestions to help me excel in my career. We never went to the same restaurant twice, and our dates varied from ice-skating to concerts to musicals. He opened doors and picked up tabs without question. During this time, I still considered myself available to date others and occasionally did so. He remained a constant, calling or texting me usually once a week to take me out since he knew I was easily overwhelmed by constant communication.
He was incredibly kind to his mother, and took trips home frequently to visit her. This attracted me most to him. During my entire span of knowing him he had remained consistently kind, charismatic, and endearing. But I just couldn’t commit.
I often found myself questioning myself for not wanting to take things to the next step with this guy. Living in Los Angeles, I frequently come in contact with entitled men who have very little regard for women. This one was a stark contrast from that. He was the “full package” by all means and every single one of my friends who met him immediately loved him.
But there was just something missing. I know people say this often about relationships that don’t work out but it was something I felt from the first moment that I met him. Even so, this inkling was overtaken by our amazing conversations and how well we got along. I was convinced that maybe I could make it work. But the thought of the missing component crept into my thoughts during our greatest moments together, while sharing a glass of wine or holding hands at a show. It was the reason why I immediately had the urge to get out of bed the first time we woke up together, instead of staying in longer to savor the moment. It was the reason why, when writing his Christmas card I could not bear to sign it “love”.
From this I have learned that physical and emotional chemistry cannot be forced, no matter how hard you try.
After months of back and forth, we have decided to stop seeing each other for the time being since it has become increasingly difficult to maintain this pseudo friendship/relationship. I would be lying if I said I do not worry that I will never meet someone so wholesomely great again. But I am enamored by the emotional flaws and imperfections of more complex beings. I have fallen in love, time and time again, with the messy hair and roughed up hands of boys who live less conventional lives. Any girl would be incredibly lucky to be with someone as perfect as him – but he was just not perfect for me.