5 Red Flags That Someone Isn’t Worth Your Energy

1. They’re far too comfortable telling you everyone else’s business. Even when you don’t ask or don’t care to hear it, they just spew every personal detail that they know about the people around them to you. You might mistake this as a form of trust, when in reality, they are just someone who lacks respect and boundaries with other people. If they are telling you everyone’s business, they’re most likely spewing your personal business to everyone else as well.

2. None of the people around them seem to like them. Coworkers, immediate family, and anyone else who might not have an option but to share their lives with them seem constantly uncomfortable or even miserable in their presence. You may tell yourself that the people who don’t like them simply take them for granted or just don’t know them like you do, but that usually isn’t the case. There is probably a very valid reason why the people who are so often forced to be around them do not like them. Pay attention.

3. All of their exes are “crazy.” If they swear every person they have ever formed an emotional, intimate bond with must have crawled straight out of the depths of hell just to ruin their life, that is typically a negative reflection of them and not their exes. Either they are drawn to genuinely toxic people or they are the source of the damage that drove these people to become toxic. It isn’t normal for someone to hate everyone who they once loved. Sometimes, people outgrow each other and move on, but harboring such strong, negative emotions for everyone from their past is not something to simply accept without concern.

4. They cancel plans constantly. If they have a behavioral pattern of canceling plans last minute and don’t even acknowledge that they have made a habit of wasting your time, stop giving them more opportunities to do so. This behavior can often be associated with social anxiety or other forms of mental illness, but that does not excuse them from acknowledging their behavior and attempting to do better to uphold their part of the friendship/relationship. While it’s important to be patient and understanding with people, it is also necessary to know when to draw the line and walk away.

5. They get angry or disappear when you call them out on their bullshit. Whether it is a friendship or a relationship, it is our job to help each other grow. When you decide you like or care about each other enough to tackle any of life’s journeys together, you should also be trying to be the best versions of yourselves for each other so you can reach your common goals together. If someone interprets your attempt of holding them accountable for their own bullshit as an attack rather than a gesture of love and genuine concern, then that is a reflection of them. If they aren’t ready to face their own weaknesses and are unwilling to accept your support or won’t even attempt to heal themselves, then there is nothing you can do. You can’t grow with someone who refuses to acknowledge or correct the fact that they have improperly planted themselves. Stop wasting your water on someone who can’t even commit to the first step of growth. Save your energy. Let them go.

About the author

Gina Clingan

I’m trying.