Lists like these are hardly new. But really, I’ll take any excuse to turn my day job into Googling pictures of hot cartoons.
Yep. Hot cartoons. Don’t deny you have some long-held nostalgia crushes on these inked fellows. Long before any of us knew what sex was, we felt stirrings in the loins for the drawn boys we saw on our TV and movie screens.
There are some obvious choices missing from this list, namely because I tried to focus on pure hotness and disregard any sort of personality exceptions (I see you, Beast, but you’re only hot for like 2 seconds at the end so…) Let’s be shallow. Lord knows, if Jessica Rabbit can exist then dudes are fair game too.
Kocoum from Pocahontas
He’s got paw-print tats on his boobs like the rapper Eve and he’s not the movie’s strapping leading man, but who cares? Have you seen Kocoum? What the hell was Pocahontas complaining about? Boy is built. His chest is the size of the willow tree’s entire trunk. Okay, so he’s a serious bummer and he accidentally strikes Pocahontas while trying to attack John Smith, but going by looks alone? I will paint with all the colors of the wind — with my tongue on his ab muscles.
I blame this on young Simba being voiced by 90s sexpot Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Sure, he’s a lion (and the internet is already too creepy) but he’s a good soul who bravely weathers family tragedy, grows up and becomes king. What’s not to find hot?
Daria, girl. No one blames you for figuring out you had human emotions by falling for one Mr. Trent Lane. He’s dark, he’s aloof, he plays in a band. He’s pretty much the archetype for swooning hearts everywhere. Oh, Trent. So inaccessible. So dark. So…guitar-playing. Break my heart, Trent Lane. Break all our hearts.
Prince Eric has all my weaknesses — dark eyebrows and a big, white smile. He’s the most traditionally handsome of the Disney princes and so maybe that makes him easy to overlook or boring. But he’s also the kindest and the happiest. Look at him playing with that big shaggy dog and try not to fall in love. (His arms while rowing that “Kiss The Girl” boat don’t hurt either.)
The hero of Futurama is a slacker hottie. Sure he’s just a pizza guy with an immature sense of humor, but he’s also caring and kindhearted and can rise to the challenge when necessary. He’s got a sort of Xander-from-Buffy-class-clown charm. Plus, he’s a skinny ginger, one of my many niche types. The James Dean red jacket doesn’t hurt either. Love it.
Dean from The Iron Giant
Beatnik hippie artist voiced by Harry Connick Jr.? Hell yes. Dean wears flow-y yin-yang robes and sports a soul patch. He likes strong coffee and has an even stronger jawline. I don’t care if he’s a cartoon. Dude is straight-up handsome.
Bruce Wayne from Batman: The Animated Series
It’s natural to find the brooding caped crusader hot in any form, so his cartoon counterpart isn’t a big leap. Though for me, The Joker always stole the show in Batman: The Animated Series, which I rediscovered in high school while babysitting for two rambunctious little boys, Bruce Wayne has the chiseled jawline and dark features to win over many a villainous (and non-villainous) female.
Li Shang from Mulan
Let’s get down to business….in my pants. Byeeeee.
Michelangelo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Granted all the Ninja Turtles pretty much look alike aside from their colorful bandanas, but Michelangelo always struck me as waaaay cooler than the other turtles. He’s probably down to chill, smoke some turtle weed and munch on a whole pizza. I bet he’d loooove watching Planet Earth and cuddling around the bong. Sweet.
Never has a Cajun accent been so sexy. Gambit’s a real piece of work personality-wise, but in the looks department — daaaaamn. I have to think Gambit’s rogueish charms and hair and face and body were all part of a ploy to make kids find cartoons attractive. It’s messed up how hot he was. On the real.
Dimitri from Anastasia
Okay, so Dimitri kind of sucks. He’s got a smart mouth and he’s a liar and a con artist. But, but, but…look at him! He’s unnaturally handsome. (Probably because he’s not real, Gaby.) He’s got perfect features and he’s voiced by John Cusack. This whole film is basically an affront to historical accuracy but I can get behind it as long as it resulted in Dimitri’s existence.
Max from A Goofy Movie
Did it take anyone else way too long to fully accept that Max isn’t human? In the past, Goofy has skated the line between dog and human, but Max just always felt like a real teenage boy. (He probably reminds you of your high school boyfriend, right?) His earnest longing for hottie Roxanne in A Goofy Movie makes him vulnerable and likable, but it’s his spiked hair, love of music and baggy red hoodie that makes him an ultimate nostalgia crush. So what if Max isn’t human? He’s hot.
Tulio and Miguel from The Road to El Dorado
Tulio and Miguel have become somewhat unintentional gay icons due to the ambiguous and close relationship they share throughout their journey in The Road to El Dorado. (I can’t believe this is a sentence I just typed.) If you can get in between that little yin-yang aesthetic they have going on, more power to ya. They are drawn gorgeously. (Am I officially a creep yet?)
David from Lilo and Stitch
What. A. Hunk. Sometimes you just need a sweet, understanding surfer boy. Get out of my dreams and onto my waves?
Every single person I mentioned this list to enthusiastically shouted “ALADDIN!” Damn, Disney. Did you mean to create the ultimate cartoon heartthrob? He’s a rogue, a rebel, a thief, a con artist and best friends with a monkey. His tousled hair is charming. Those pantaloons are yummy. And his devotion to Jasmine and to seeing the world is admirable. Aladdin is the ultimate animated hottie.