Thought Catalog

Maybe In Another Universe, I Deserve You

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What if, in another universe, I deserve you?

Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously.

Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.

Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.

Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.

For instance:

In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep.

Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.

Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.

Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats.

Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.

Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.

If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong.

You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy.

If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be one universe — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.

So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymore because of the multiverse.

Well, isn’t that comforting?

If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right?

Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you. TC mark

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    • Phil

      “This, is the darkest timeline.”

      Made me think of Abed in Community. Oh, the hilarity.

      • Anonymous

         That’s the “they” I was referring to! It was absolutely an Abed reference.

    • Anonymous

      Ahh this is fantastic Gaby!  I hope there’s another universe where I have better hair..

    • http://twitter.com/Robyn_says Robyn Showers

      This is really, really beautiful.

    • http://www.about.me/tanyasalyers Tanya Salyers

      Gaby, I’ve been loving all these recent posts! 

    • http://twitter.com/nickguyrees Nick Guy Rees

      Maybe there’s a universe where he deserves you? …that’s how we’d all like to think anyway.

      Look on the bright side, though! Your chances have been doubled! There’s not one, but two universes where you are perfect for each other.

    • Greg Z.

      “Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.” That hit too close to home.

    • appl3

      Wow, brought tears to my eyes.

    • http://twitter.com/JonTargaryen Carly Fowler

      You should watch Mr. Nobody. 

    • Anonymous

      This was so so sad and beautiful!

    • Maja

      Your writing is marvelous! And thanks for this comforting idea, I needed it badly, being very similar to you in this respect…

    • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

      I think about this every day. I really wish I didn’t.

      I also wonder if there’s any way an Emil from the other universe would like to trade places with me, just for the challenge of chasing her all over again.

    • Megan

      “If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be oneuniverse — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.”This is beautiful.

    • guest

      were you wearing gloves while writing this?

    • http://www.facebook.com/amberrrjade Amberjade Pappas

      I’m in love.

    • Gmo Saza

      I’ve been reading just about every Thought Catalogue post in recent weeks, and I don’t know that I’d say this is the best one, but… I don’t know, somehow it’s hit me in a way few other have.  SO good.

    • http://twitter.com/theloveapp the love app

      loved this…. “that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple” 

    • eeqlzmc2

      this read like  how spoken word sounds:)

    • Sunset

      This is so beautiful.

    • A Lovely44

      This is the best article I’ve read on TC.

    • pnut

      oh wow. This is beautiful. Very beautiful. 

    • nne

      this fucking rocks.

    • Futurama Nerd :)

      I loved this so much. Definitely one of the best things I’ve read on TC in a while. Also, I couldn’t decide if i loved it even more because it reminded me quite a lot of an episode of Futurama, where in an alternate universe, Fry and Leela were married.

    • rose georgia

      this is wonderful. so fragile but so powerful at the same time. i always feel really lame when i write a comment that’s just some adjectives, but this was beautiful and relatable and i don’t know what else i can say.
      …the james family really did luck out when the genes for intellect and creativity were being handed out, didn’t they? 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=645486611 Ronald Wenceslao

      STOP DAY DREAMING ABOUT ME.

    • Guest

      Beautiful. If another word existed that would describe such perfection I would have said it. In the meantime, keep writing. Keep inspiring. 

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