University of Arizona
You’re really obnoxious about college sports and lose your voice at every basketball game. You tell everyone that Kourtney Kardashian went to U of A.
University of California – Los Angeles
You say things like “I don’t know anything about Middle America”.
There is nothing wrong with you, absolutely nothing, especially not with your hands! You have very big hands – the biggest, some say! Also you understand that a fine steak is most delicious well done with a side of ketchup. Ah, the wonderful taste of a charred America!
Fashion Institute of Technology
You go out every single day of the week because ~New York is the city that never sleeps~.
University of Southern California
You only admit it when you’re drunk but your application to the school was sent with a check from your parents to build another library.
Texas Christian University
You bleach your hair every other month and justify it by saying you were blonde as a baby.
New York University
You’re constantly trying to convince people you were into a trend before it was even a trend. On Saturdays, you buy a rainbow bagel just so you can Instagram it.
Arizona State University
You judge people who don’t have a tan year-round. Your signature drink is a vodka-soda. You’re still pissed about that joke they made on SNL about ASU.
You think everyone needs to try shrooms “at least once, man”. You have really strong opinions on body hair and also, everything else.
You talk too much about being vegan and how Emma Watson was totally in one of your classes freshman year.
You really want to be President. Your dad really wants you to be President.
Pennsylvania State University
You go too hard at the pre-game and your friends have to take care of you.
You never stop repeating the phrase “Harvard of the South”. You swear Nashville is cooler than it seems.
University of Texas – Austin
You still wear bracelets with weed leaves on them.
You drive a Mercedes but talk a lot about your part-time job.
University of Colorado – Boulder
You spend all your time hiking which might explain why it took you 6 years to get your English degree.
University of California – Berkeley
You think capitalism is a disease but you still wear $100 Birkenstocks.
You didn’t drink for the first time until you were actually 21.
University of Virginia
You started saying “ya’ll” the second you got to campus and still haven’t stopped 10 years later.
The Ohio State University
You want to be a CEO but the only thing you’re good at shotgunning beer.
You have to do the sorority squat in every picture. You’re totally sure nothing will ever be better than college was.
University of Maryland
You still wear cargo shorts. You would eat a car tire as long as it were smothered in Old Bay.
University of Kansas
You won’t shut up about basketball and dollar night at the bars, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still live in Kansas.
Your favorite T.V. show is Friday Night Lights.
You’re Conveniently Catholic and probably drunk right now.
You judge people who have a backup plan.
You play squash unironically. You totally could’ve gotten a job at Google but it just wasn’t a good fit.
University of California – Santa Cruz
You work at Cold Stone Creamery and never wear shoes. You haven’t been sober in three years.
University of Montana
You think slack-lining should be in the Olympics. There’s at least one half-empty bottle of whiskey rolling around somewhere in your car.
You think that complaining about public transportation and rent and how Amazon is ruining the world is “original” and “good” conversation.
University of Miami
You haven’t worn a shirt in four years and you think sunscreen is bullshit.
University of Florida
The Taco Bell parking lot is one of the classier places you’ve vomited before noon.
Everything you own is made out of fleece and you go to a protest twice a week.
Evergreen State College
You think the government is out to get you.
San Diego State University
You joined a sorority looking for sisterhood but ended up in a cult instead. Whatever. At least you got a monogrammed backpack out of it.
You said you weren’t going to, but you’ve experimented with pretty much everything (and everyone).
University of Cincinnati
Your sports program has made you an expert at convincing yourself that irrelevant things are relevant.
You’ve lost every game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ that you’ve ever played.
You dress like a frat bro even though your school doesn’t even have Greek Life.
Louisiana State University
You’re still trying to maintain drinking five nights a week while also having a job.
Coastal Carolina University
You’re still coping with the fact that you didn’t get into ECU or USC but winning the baseball championship lessened a little.
Naturally, you landed an awesome internship straight out of college. Your first taste of reality came a year later, when you screamed at your boss that he should hire you full-time and he replied “no.”
You never hesitate to bring up that time you met Hillary Clinton. You also can’t emphasize enough how hard you cried when she shook your hand.
You really hate when people call you a Bernie Bro even though you’re a literal Bernie Bro. You once threw up seven times in one night but still rallied afterwards. You then put it on your resume.
You were in a male a capella group and put that on your resume. They hired the guy from Rutgers.
University of Iowa
You consider a guy to be “putting in effort” if he lets you make him snacks while he and his buddies watch football.
Bob Jones University
You skip some parts of the Bible because they’re too sexual.
Sarah Lawrence College
Your parents are Republicans but you don’t believe in government.
You’ve never done your own laundry and can’t wait to publish your novel that centers around a man (who will never be named) in his 20s finding himself in Brooklyn.
University of Wisconsin
You will fight someone to the death over which brand of beer is the best. You also named your dog after a beer brand.
University of Michigan
You talk about how great your grades are at Thanksgiving when your 8-year-old cousins are kicking your ass in family sports.
You knocked your own teeth out while drunk your freshman year and now you work for Instagram.
University of North Carolina
You’ve never touched a basketball but constantly talk about the team using the word “we”.
Western Michigan University
You live with six of your best friends but refuse to say which one is really the best.
City University of New York – Baruch
Your main life goal is to own a skyscraper.
You pine for the days of “exploring the city of New Orleans” when in reality you spent four years drinking in dark rooms in the French Quarter.
You aspire to be more like Barney from How I Met Your Mother. You say “suit up” unironically.
College of William and Mary
You’re convinced you were born in the wrong generation.
Oregon State University
You think that shooting a .22 one time means you’re a redneck even though your family vacations on the coast every year.
You still don’t know how you accidentally founded that super successful media startup.
University of Vermont
You majored in horticulture until your parents pulled your funding. Now you work at a bike shop in Burlington and refuse to shower “on principle”.
You try to ignore the fact that you had to live in New Jersey for four years.
Southern Methodist University
You peaked in high school.
Your intelligence and sense of entitlement are only surpassed by your deep, deep sense of self-loathing.
University of the Arts
You take karaoke and flash mobs way too seriously.
You followed Phish around for an entire summer but now you work in PR.
Texas A & M
The most valuable thing you own is your grandmother’s pearls.
South Dakota State
I’m sorry, what?
University of Connecticut
The cows on your campus are more fun than the student body.
West Virginia University
You’re determined to be a hometown rapper.
St. Cloud State University
You married someone who makes you worry they love their boat more than your kids.
Colorado State University
You vape in public.
University of Nebraska – Lincoln
College football games are more important to you than the Super Bowl. Or national elections. Or your job. Or… anything.
You’re either the most basic of bitches or the type of guy who would major in Women’s Studies just to get laid.
You thought you were the David Beckham of Quidditch.
University of Alaska – Anchorage
You had to Google ‘Are there colleges in Alaska?’ when applying for school.
Pacific Lutheran University
You went to Peru for a semester and won’t stfu about how hiking Machu Picchu was like, life altering.
North Central College
You wear Sperrys out to bars.
University of Pennsylvania
You’re embarrassed Donald Trump went there but you still partied with Tiffany.
Illinois State University
You listen to shitty rap music, drink Burnetts, and always carry your heels home after the bar.
Point Park University
When you get drunk you start singing verses from Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals.
Your dining hall looks like Hogwarts but you’re still depressed.
Northern Arizona University
Not A University.
University of Notre Dame
Your family religiously watches Rudy every Christmas.
You totally thought of Tinder before the Tinder person thought of Tinder but were too busy with finals to make it.
You swear you went away to college but bring your laundry home to your mom every weekend.
University of Ohio – Miami
You accidentally applied to the wrong school but didn’t get in anywhere else.
University of Wisconsin
You’re sick of the cheese jokes. But, yes. You like cheese. Who doesn’t?
When people ask you where you live, you say Harlem.
No one can remember if you went to an Ivy or not.
University of Delaware
You have no memory of your freshman year.
You wear hoodies and moccasins year-round.
University of Oregon
You tell everyone you know that the founder of Nike went to U of O. Also, you won’t admit it but your basketball court is ugly.
Virginia Commonwealth University
You consider beer a food group.
California State University – Chico
You had a C+ average in high school.
University of Minnesota
You might actually die of exposure if Patagonia ever shuts down.
University of Alabama
You have a crimson-tinged shrine to Nick Saban in your dorm room. Ya freak.
University of Central Florida
U Can’t Finish.
Texas State University
You didn’t get into UT-Austin.
Rhode Island School of Design
You have 15,000 followers on Instagram. You took a glass-blowing workshop and this is the millionth time you’ve talked about it.